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Would you be annoyed?

(23 Posts)
user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 14:30:53

Basically, I keep asking my girlfriend to do things for birthday/Christmas and new year events and I keep getting lame excuses in return.

I asked if she wanted to have Christmas with my family as she is alone at Christmas, she said that she skypes family and friends back at home so she didn't want to be rude and was very adamant that she wasn't coming.

For my birthday BBQ she has agreed to come but won't stay the night as she has washing to donfrom after her holidays but is going away with her work for 2 days in Wales 2 days prior to the BBQ.

For new year she has booked to go to London with a friend and has invited me to share a room with them.

Am I being over the top here feeling annoyed with her?

user1495832265 Sat 17-Jun-17 14:48:59

Need more information.

How long have you been together?
What is your relationship like in general day to day, how often do you see one another usually ?
Has she already met your family and stayed with them?

jayho Sat 17-Jun-17 14:49:24

She is not that in to you.

NellieFiveBellies Sat 17-Jun-17 14:53:50

tbh, sorry, it really doesnt sound like she is committed to you.

how long have you been together and how often do you see each other?

user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 14:57:06

We've been together for about 3 months. We see each other about 2 a week. I usually stay at hers. I think she has social anxiety and that delays her from making plans with me with people she doesn't know. I think she is very set in her ways and has lived alone for about 5 years so commuting is a big thing for her. In various discussions she is very work focused and doesn't like the idea of rushing into things. We text all the time and she always buys me gifts and says she loves me but is always awkward at making arrangements. I'm confused!

user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 14:58:51

Committing not commuting!

Silverdream Sat 17-Jun-17 15:00:10

I think this is the stage that you decide if your compatible. It may be that you have separate ways you like to live life. Neither wrong just different or you may be able to meet half way.

user1495832265 Sat 17-Jun-17 15:04:01

Ok everyone is different but at the 3 month mark I wouldn't have been happy making plans 6 months ahead (ie Christmas and New Year) with a new partner. She's invited you along on her already planned New Year trip to London but at this stage she's not ready to make you the centre of her arrangements. And I completely understand that. I'd be the same.

Your birthday is a bit of a red flag though, assuming that's quite soon.

user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 15:05:08

She is very work focused, it was impacting on is at one point and we spoke it out and she said she would allocate more time. She is on holiday for 3 weeks so I can't speak to her probably, but every arrangement for the future she shuts down. She won't stay over at my house after the BBQ but is ok to go with work to Wales straight after travelling from the other side of the world. She has all the time to do her washing etc, which was the excuse she gave. I think it's an anxiety thing and she makes lame excuses as she won't won't to feel stuck at my house

lobsterface Sat 17-Jun-17 15:07:33

3 months and you're thinking about Christmas? Slow down!

user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 15:08:29

She has asked me to move in with her In September so I'm confused!

Graphista Sat 17-Jun-17 15:09:14

3 months! You're being far too full on wanting her involved in every occasion. Back off.

user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 15:15:40

Perhaps you are right! I was just trying to be nice as she doesn't have many friends over here as she is foreign and she spends Christmas alone. Perhaps I'm coming across as needy but she has asked for me to move in in September so am I really being that fast?

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 17-Jun-17 15:19:54

Needy and possibly a bit controlling. You're basically saying her excuses aren't good enough for you. Simply saying 'no thanks' should be good enough for you. You don't own her, you don't make decisions for her.

Back right off, enjoy her company and stop rushing everything. If I was her, I would be seriously considering the relationship because of this.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 17-Jun-17 15:29:29

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You need to slam on the brakes! All this pressure and you've only been dating for 3 months?! Why on earth would you even be THINKING about Christmas at this point. Stop smothering her.

flumpybear Sat 17-Jun-17 15:31:30

Are you sure she's not married so spending certain times with family?!

user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 15:42:57

I don't think she is married, but I know she is work obsessed!

Lochan Sat 17-Jun-17 15:44:52

Why are you pressurising her to spend Christmas and New Year with you (which are not for 6 months) when you've been together so short a time?

That's quite odd tbh.

Isetan Sat 17-Jun-17 15:47:09

Do you really think talk of moving in together after dating for six months (even if she started it) is sensible? Her talk of moving in together has given you the false impression that she wants a more integrated life and that may be confusing you. I'm not going to speculate on her issues but her reasons sound weak and I would have a problem with someone who I thought was lying to me.

The whole point of dating is seeing if your compatible and you're now discovering that there are incompatibilities. If she has issues and isn't prepared to be honest about them, then what's the point.

Personally, I think you both sound inexperienced and should enjoy each other's company without burdening it with expectations that are way too soon to be expecting.

user1496082512 Sat 17-Jun-17 15:51:31

Perhaps talk of moving in is a bit soon, I suppose intense feelings do that and you mention thing in the future hypothetically.

I think she doesn't want the same as me really, she wants a separate life than an integrated one. I see myself settled in the upcoming few years and I think she wants the complete opposite.

NellieFiveBellies Sat 17-Jun-17 15:51:33

3 months?

for many people that is far far too soon to be planning christmas with the family.

im being a hypocrite because me and my husband got married 3 months after we met and that was nearly 20 years qgo.

but that is the exception not the norm.

3 months is too soon to be planning and may well be scaring her off.

you need to back off a bit.

accept no for an answer! i cannot tell you how important it is to respect her right to say no.

Lochan Sat 17-Jun-17 16:20:54

It is really far too early for thoughts of an "integrated" life.

HeddaGarbled Sat 17-Jun-17 16:32:20

After 3 months dating, it is too soon to be making plans for Christmas and New Year and also too soon to be making plans to move in together. The birthday barbecue is an excellent start. Slow down, calm down. You are in the very early stages of what may or may not turn out to be a long term relationship - don't wreck it by being too impatient.

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