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Sex: AIBU?

(36 Posts)
gillybeandramaqueen Fri 16-Jun-17 14:59:57

To not want any 'action' after 11pm when we have been up since 6.30am and all I want to do the minute I get into my bed around 11 - 11.30pm is go straight to sleep?????????????

Huskylover1 Fri 16-Jun-17 15:03:12

Well when would you be up for "action" then? Without it, your marriage won't last the distance, imo.

Shoxfordian Fri 16-Jun-17 15:06:25

Yanbu to not want sex but you need to give us more details if you want advice

Brahms3rdracket Fri 16-Jun-17 15:11:08

Go to bed earlier

Coffeetasteslikeshit Fri 16-Jun-17 15:19:40

No, not unreasonable at all. When would you prefer to have sex?

mytitshaveshrunk Fri 16-Jun-17 15:27:56

WOW Huskylover1 have my first biscuit

PaintingOwls Fri 16-Jun-17 15:35:56

YANBU. I hate it too. Sometimes I suggest to DP we go to bed earlier and he says he isn't tired confused WELL NEITHER AM I BITCH

BloodWorries Fri 16-Jun-17 15:37:52

Not at all! I hate when my DP tries to initiate things when I wanted to be in bed asleep 30 mins ago but due to x, y or z I'm still awake.

If I want to initiate something I don't wait until DP is eating a meal or leaving for work... Yeah okay not quite the same, but seriously I need my sleep to function. Sod off!

Drives me nutty. Then I end up thinking about having sex and end up horney and by then he's snoring next to me...

We have talked about it though, and DP can understand but doesn't think like me. To him when we are both together, in private and unlikely to be disturbed is all that's required.

TheNaze73 Fri 16-Jun-17 15:38:38

When is good then for you? Can't believe husky got a biscuit for something so logical.
Sex & money are the two biggest causes for relationships to fall down.

What is your general communication like?

mytitshaveshrunk Fri 16-Jun-17 16:17:03

Sex & money are the two biggest causes for relationships to fall down.
No, they're not. They are just two of many. Sex is not an absolute necessity for a happy marriage.

PookieDo Fri 16-Jun-17 16:22:14

I just say I am tired and make time for it another time

JustArandomUser Fri 16-Jun-17 16:22:43

A sex counsellor I once knew advised that if at any point you have time to sit down and watch TV together, you probably have enough time to have sex and actively encouraged people to use that time for DTD.

YANBU to not want it at 11pm when you'd want to be sleeping, but the question about when you you want it is perfectly logical imo

Ellisandra Fri 16-Jun-17 16:27:15

You're not unreasonable to find that sex last thing at night after a long day doesn't work for you. Of course you're not.

Why are you posting? You don't say what the issue is.

I do think if I had a habit of initiating at that time and was rebuffed but my partner never bothered to tell me why, or initiate at other times - then I would think them unreasonable.

My fiancé knows that I am more likely to initiate or be receptive in the morning, any time during the day, or immediately after my child has gone to bed. 23:00 when I'm sleepy - 50/50!

Alfiemoon1 Fri 16-Jun-17 17:09:57

We have this issue as well but it's a tricky one as dc are now 15 and 12 so don't go to bed early anymore

gillybeandramaqueen Sun 18-Jun-17 16:14:35

This is the deal. I am all day with two small children on my own from 6.20am and he is working all day. The evening consists of getting kids dinner bath bed. DH often goes to bed around 9pm and then from about then on until about 11pm I am sorting dishes, washings, tumble drys, maybe a bath if I am not too exhausted which I usually am. I totally fall into bed desperately needing to get to sleep by that point. When would be a good time for me? I don't know. But it's not at 11pm when I have already been up for 18 hrs!!

Dafspunk Sun 18-Jun-17 16:18:00

The solution seems obvious - your DP helps you in the evening, you both go to bed at 10.

PookieDo Sun 18-Jun-17 16:22:26

I agree, the issue is you shouldn't be the only one working an 18 hour day

allegretto Sun 18-Jun-17 16:28:41

I know the problem well OP. The answer for us was simple: 6am. wink

Columbine1 Sun 18-Jun-17 16:28:46

My partner a bit the same - I think it could be solved by going to bed an hour earlier even if he isn't tired because I know I will be be the time he wants to go to bed.

But you also need to fit those 9-11pm activities into the day time. And/or do some of them together at weekends (since he's away so long on weekdays probably not feasible for him - but what time does he get back?). Its not a competition who has the longest/most tiring day! You are a team. There must be something else going on here....

AccidentalMagic Sun 18-Jun-17 16:29:14

Why is your DH in bed by 9 if there are still 2 hours of chores to do?

A much better solution would be for him to do his fair share of what needs to be done and you both go to bed at 10. I can't imagine feeling in the mood if I'd been doing chores for 2 hours and he'd been laying in bed tbh.

Quartz2208 Sun 18-Jun-17 16:30:10

Yep agree with a PP the solution is rather than him going to bed at 9pm he actually helps you with the chores

NataliaOsipova Sun 18-Jun-17 16:37:38

Sex is not an absolute necessity for a happy marriage.

I'm only going on a sample size of one, admittedly, but I bet it is for 99% of men....

PaulDacresFeministConscience Sun 18-Jun-17 22:44:33

Hang on a minute, why is your partner going to be 2 hours before you when you're still up doing chores? As PP have said, surely the obvious answer is that he stays up and helps you and you both go to bed at 10?

A couple of slightly earlier nights and you might then feel more up for it. Plus the fact that you running about doing chores whilst he's ligged out in bed can't be helping you feel attracted to him - I'd be steaming bloody mad in your shoes.

SuperRainbows Sun 18-Jun-17 22:50:41

Joining the concensus here.
Dp cannot go to bed at 9 and lie waiting for 2 hours until you drop into bed exhausted! That is ridiculously unfair.
Tell him straight. He stays up and helps with jobs......then...........

PookieDo Sun 18-Jun-17 22:59:11

Well equal parenting/household chores is probably a necessity for 99% of women to want to have sex with the men, 99% of whom think sex is essential for a happy marriage

If my partner pissed off to bed early every night To get out of chores then seemed to accidentally 'wake up' 2 hours later ready for sex then I wouldn't shag Him either

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