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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Not me?!???

20 replies

mugginmeoff · 15/06/2017 19:47

After some help on gathering evidence. So I found perfume in his car around a month ago he professed not to know whose it was and said it could have been one of my friends??? I didn't quite believe him and have remained vigilant since.

So I checked his google location. On valentines night it puts him at a pub for two hours???? We live in different parts of the country due to work!

So tonight he's not answering his phone and the location is to an address near by where he works. I'm very suspicious but don't know how to get specific evidence. I'm fully prepared to have it out with him but we have a lot to lose cos we have two kids and a home and a relatively nice life. Also when he did finally ring I could see he was in his house cos of FaceTime but the location still at the wrong address????

So anyone any ideas on how I can get evidence cos he will wipe everything if he thinks I'm suspicious. I have screen shots of locations. But he could just say the location thing is off. I need firm evidence? And I've already checked the phone and bills there was nothing???? All texts and calls to me!

OP posts:

Report

AnyFucker · 15/06/2017 19:50

I

AnyFucker · 15/06/2017 19:51

Oops

It must be horrible to live like this. Is it really worth it ?

pocketsaviour · 15/06/2017 20:09

Has he done something in the past to make you suspicious? I mean going to the pub for 2hrs on V Day is not that remarkable. They do let you in on your own, you know!

IPhone location is not that accurate. You've just said his location said he wasn't at home but when he facetimed he was, so...

mugginmeoff · 15/06/2017 20:15

I've never worried before about this sort of stuff or even looked for signs in ten yrs together. He's not the type to pop to the pub for a few pints and I think it is the perfume that got me looking for signs!!! When at home he leaves his phone by the bed for hours sometime the whole weekend!!! I could be being paranoid but then again there's no smoke without fire hey!!!

OP posts:

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 15/06/2017 21:53

Tracking isn't always reliable via phone. Me and my DH have done it when first getting iphones. Apparently I was a few streets away and DH one street behind, even though we was both sat together.

esk1mo · 16/06/2017 02:25

he could have a cheap PAYG phone if there is nothing suspicious on bills. but tbh it doesnt sound like there is any way of catching him, if he is up to anything.

you could put a voice activated recorder in his car

scottishdiem · 16/06/2017 02:32

If he was away for work then it could be that he was out for a bite to eat in the evening. Was it a pub pub or a food pub?

user1497403588 · 16/06/2017 03:25

jeez the perfume is enough to give you an idea!

It's just finding out the details now, who is she, how long. hope you're okay op x

mugginmeoff · 16/06/2017 07:46

It just a normal pub nothing special!!! I think I've got to play the long game and continue to monitor stuff. Our google accounts are linked so I can see everything but he doesn't know that.

Voice recorder sounds crazy doesn't it. But if I get any more suspicions then I guess I have to do something to get firm evidence. I'm fine I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now!

OP posts:

Neutrogena · 16/06/2017 10:18

Ignore it - if you look for trouble, you will find it, even if he is being entirely faithful.

mugginmeoff · 16/06/2017 13:16

Surely I will only find trouble if he's upto trouble???

OP posts:

Neutrogena · 16/06/2017 13:51

Nope - I don't think my wife is having an affair, but if I starting tracking all her movements, reading things into her not picking up the phone immediately, looking at her phone records, etc - I could think that anything unexplained is her having an affair.
Accusing her of something based on some flimsy evidence is one way to break a relationship, so it's best I don;t go there.
People look for evidence of cheating if
a) it falls in their lap
b) they want to split up and it's an easy way out

If you love him and want to be with him, stop looking for ways to jeopardize your relationship.

esk1mo · 16/06/2017 14:13

perfume isnt flimsy evidence! if you found aftershave in your wifes car when she works away, wouldnt you be suspicious? if she had no explanation for it? if she was at an address near work, and hadnt mentioned
to you she was with a friend , you'd be ok? sounds like you just bury your head in the sand.

Dontsayyouloveme · 16/06/2017 14:37

Leaving phone by the bed and sometimes all weekend....sign of another woman to me. My stbxh did this during his affair! Sorry

Dontsayyouloveme · 16/06/2017 14:41

Neutrogena - really?? There's a difference between looking for evidence and having it staring you in the face!!

User14346741 · 16/06/2017 14:52

The perfume sounds dodgy but I think the location maybe isn't a big deal.

Not sure what phone your DP has but I know my current Samsung is rubbish. I live in a city and any time I try to use location it can never find me in the bloody city at all! And ends up telling me I'm about a 10 minute walk away.

This happened to a friend of mine, his wife was paranoid as we worked in a bar and often would go for a drink after work. She'd log into his location and then call him accusing him of being somewhere he wasn't so I probably wouldn't rely on the location on it's own but the perfume is a bit

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 16/06/2017 15:01

another one to say google location is not that good!

it often pretends i haven't left the house all day, comes up with it's own route for my cycling, and it fitted in a 20 mile walk the other day when i was sat on my arse in a nearby town scoffing lunch. So that was fun!

Huskylover1 · 16/06/2017 15:22

Also when he did finally ring I could see he was in his house cos of FaceTime but the location still at the wrong address????

So the tracker is not working properly, is it?

When at home he leaves his phone by the bed for hours sometime the whole weekend!!!

So, if he is cheating, he is using a second phone. So, he wouldn't take the phone you know about, to the pub on Valentines, he would take the secret phone because :

a) it would have OW name stored in it
b) he could leave his "real" phone at home, so that it showed him at home on the tracker, rather than at the pub.

Sorry, I really don't think he's cheating.

mugginmeoff · 16/06/2017 16:40

Thanks for all the different opinions. This is what I wanted but felt unable to talk to anyone about it in real life. I agree the perfume is very suspicious and this is what has led to me checking.

I have no way of knowing if there is another phone?!? But I do agree why would he take his normal phone.

OP posts:

Dontsayyouloveme · 16/06/2017 19:28

There doesn't always have to be a second phone to conduct an affair! maybe someone wants to be found out...

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