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i am disgusted with myself ,,,I don't know what to do anymore..

(27 Posts)
66Ally22 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:53:23

Where do I start...
I am 51 years old I live in a rural setting no friends no neighbours
I have 3 girls and one boy...My two eldest girls are married and happy
My son is leaving home soon to join the army something he has always wanted
to do..I am pleased for them ...My youngest daughter was a troubled teen
and wanted to grow up before her time..she didn't want to go to school and
said she want to do hair dressing, I helped her out and got all the information
and she started the course,,I thought that is it she will settle down, 3 months later
she told us she was pregnant she was 17 years old..the father was 19, I supported
them both and they came to live in my house ..at that time my husband was going through
a really bad time in work and come home daily in a terrible mood i couldnt do nothing
right he was shouting at me to the point i was scared...but i washed it off as the baby
was coming ...when she came along it was wonderful, I put all my time into her washing
cleaning making bottles was a baby sitting ..I totally loved it, but the weekends were hard
she went to her other nana's house and it left myself and my husband...it was awful the rows the shouting
he was impossible ..he would snatch the keys off me so i couldnt leave ...in about 2012 he had cancer and was very
ILL i supported him and my daughter with the child untill he was better ..then he decided to take a job over seas,
it meant i wouldnt see him for 6 months at a time my daughter had then moved out to her place and
i thought all was well but she wasnt, the child was two and both parents were to young to realease
you cant spend all day in bed with a child I stepped in and told them both to get it together and sort it out
my daughter was crying i cant cope so i said ok move back home and we will sort..she was nasty she wouldnt do anything
no washing no cooking nothing she would lay in her bed all day long and stay awake all night, both of them started
going out and the relationship broke down,so she moved in with me permentally it was only for the sake of my grand daughter
I put up her, she abused me daily screaming at calling me names I thought it must be me..to move the story forward abit we are now
in 2016 my grand daughter goes to school and is very happy, my husband is working aboard i dont see him for 6 months
my daughter is still livng at home and still to this day sleeps all day and wakes most of the night, i spend the time
with my grand daughter, at the weekends my grand daughter goes to stay with her dad and it leaves my daughter free
it is the only time she is awake from 4pm to get ready to go out,going back to last year my son wasnt home and it left
my daughter and myself, it was at this time i started playing poker on face bookand talking to people, didnt mean anything
it pasted time and time i had so much of, One weekend she asked me for a lend of my car save you driving me into town she said
i said ok and she took car and came back the next day, then it was every weekend she would leave on friday and not return until
Monday..ihad no one to talk to and then chatted to a guy in poker, i didnt think anything of it but two days later he sent me a message
saying it isnt safe to chat in face book and open a skype account like a fool I did, we chatted about life and his broken marriages,
he asked me for a picture and untill i die i dont know why i did it but i sent him a picture of my daughter and pretended to be her,
he was 51 also and he thought i was 25 years, anyway he found out after i told him i didnt want to talk to him anymore, and i thought
that was the end of it, he became abusive and threathing and what he would do to my family and he would tell my daughter about it all,
of course i begged him not to and he did, she went really crazy and i cant blame her i tried to explain i was lonely and this guy was
just to chat to, he started sending what was suppose to be copies of our chat but he had changed it all and it was sexual,, i told her
i didnt write all that but she was screaming me your a whore trap slut and wait till i tell my father, but she didnt and i asked her
please don't as we been through enough, i told her i didnt speak to him anymore ..but then she started talking to him for a week or so and
every now and then she come to me and call me names treat me like dirt,,make me tea give me cigs etc, i felt so low i had to do it all,
cooking cleaning washing looking after my grand daughter everything was 10 times worse, Then last Saturday night i woke up with chest pains
and no one was home so I waited untill the morning had a shower and thought it would go away, by sunday after noon my daughter came home
and i told her and she said so what you telling me for, so i rang after hour doctors and they said i need an ambulance, i rang my husband
and he told my daughter to go with me, which she did on the way in ambulance they gave me an asprin and spray under my tongue and I felt so
much better, when we got into the hospital I told them i feel better and i did alot, so they kept me for a few hours and said i can go home
but if im not feeling well again call the ambulance again, when we left the hospital i asked her if she could get the car and drive it nearer
as i didnt feel i could walk that far, she looked at me and said f**king walk all is wrong with you is your to fat, i didnt say anything
just walked behind her trying to stop crying ..telling myself it was my own fault im in this position ....when i got to the car she said im hungry
lets go to mcdonalds i said ok, she ordered her stuff and mines and said your card plz you can pay, I paid it and we drove home, she said what a
waste of my time, i went to bed and didnt sleep so good as the palputations were annoying me, The next morning i heard her getting the child ready
for school and she went off in my car, when she got back she stormed into my room and started calling me names again, and slammed down and went to her
room, my son had come in at this point but missed her shouting at me, he talked to me for a while then went to his room, about 10 mins later
she came back into my room and said give me a cig, i had enough and said no i wont,,,she snatched my cigs and i stood up toget them back then she punched
me in the face, she went of my room and was screaming your a slut a whore my son came out and asked what was going on and she told him
he came into my room and i told him what id done and she also then came in, he calmed her down and said i deserved to get a smack for what i did,
today i was told they are going to the fun place after my grand daughter finishes school and Im not welcome, she took my car and went off,i am at a point
of not knowing what to do, i dont excuse what i done as it was wrong but to me it wasnt an affair, i didnt meet this person in life just online
and it was only coz i was lonely,,,,,,i am so sorry i used her picture and i cant change it ...i dont know any more how to cope with all this.......

Brahms3rdracket Thu 15-Jun-17 16:05:37

Take your car keys off the revolting spoilt brat and then tell her to pack her bags. I'm sorry you seem to fall victim to abuse from all who should cherish you, but it's now time to get assertive and stop the abusers. You made a stupid mistake, but it's pretty minor. Let your daughter tell your husband what she wants. He's probably doing what he wants whilst he's away for so long anyway, and seems to have taught your awful daughter to totally use and disrespect you.

Are your older children around to provide you with some support?

Brahms3rdracket Thu 15-Jun-17 16:06:24

Also meant to day, if she ever lays a finger on you again report her to the police.

Tazerface Thu 15-Jun-17 16:13:28

I agree with Brahms. Can you confide in one of your other daughters or your son? Sounds very much like you need a friend 66Ally flowers

ExplodedCloud Thu 15-Jun-17 16:15:01

You aren't obliged to put up with this.

RebornSlippy Thu 15-Jun-17 16:33:11

Your daughter is a disgusting person. You do not deserve this treatment. Yeah, you did a foolish thing, but for the love of God, it's not that big of a deal. Your daughter on the other hand...

OK, what you need to do is kick the little madam out. Immediately. I understand your main concern is your grandchild at this point. Give your daughter the option to leave her with you, if this is something you think you want to do. If she decides to use her child as a pawn and a way to hurt you, let her. It won't be long before the realities of raising a child set in. She knows what side her bread is buttered so when she comes slinking back, let the grandchild through the door, but not her. Never her. She's burned her bridges. And again, whether you want to help with your grandchild is your choice.

I'm fully aware how easy it is for me, a stranger, to say all of this to you, OP. But my blood is fucking boiling just reading this. You need to take control back from your little bitch of a daughter. And if she tells your husband, so be it. He's fucking useless too. It's time for you now. I hope you feel better soon.

sillyquestionnow Thu 15-Jun-17 16:42:18

Bleady hell! If my child treated me the way she treats you then they would be out on their arses!

66Ally22 Thu 15-Jun-17 16:42:40

Thank you all so much... I have beating myself up over this since april 12....the main part was telling my husband ...but like you all said it isnt a major issue, i can't even begin to explain what ive been through...i dont have no body ...my daughters i try not to interfere in there lives and i wouldnt like to tell them what she has done ....I have felt so guilty and this past two weeks she has been so abusive to me....I feel as if i lost all my self respect ....and your comments mean so much to me ...gives me the strenth to finally realize i need to take back control and out her in her place .....thank you

RainyApril Thu 15-Jun-17 17:48:51

You are being treated with utter contempt by both your daughter and your husband, and I know it's easier said than done but I think you should take steps to be free of both of them.

FrancisCrawford Thu 15-Jun-17 17:55:40

Your daughter behaves appallingly to you and doesn't bother her lazy arse with her child most of the time.

Do not let her walk all over you or it will continue and it will get worse.

Take back control: get your car keys back, tell her she's got till next weekend to move out and mean it. She needs to start acting like a parent, putting her child first and expecting to be pandered too. She's made bad choices in the past - it's time she started making some good ones

All this stress is not good for you.

C0untDucku1a Thu 15-Jun-17 18:32:07

Holy fuck what a disgrace she is.

Remove car keys, pack her back and send her on her way. Probably not a bad idea to do sinilarto your husband. Do not let people treat you like this. Go now. Throw her nasty lazy backside out of the house.

highinthesky Thu 15-Jun-17 18:35:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BastardGoDarkly Thu 15-Jun-17 18:45:10

How nasty high wtf is up with you?

Op, sweetheart, kick her out, and your bloody son, their behaviour is unbelievable, disgusting, please get back your home, car and self respect flowers

LuluBellaBlue Thu 15-Jun-17 21:45:59

My heart breaks for you.
Please please tell your other daughters what she has done - maybe share this thread with them?
You don't deserve to live like this and be treated so appallingly in your own home.
Maybe it's time for a change, kick daughter out, join some groups or hobbies and spend time re discovering yourself, you deserve it flowers

WithCheesePlease Thu 15-Jun-17 21:58:57

Your daughter sounds like a horrible person, and you have done so much for her entire life. You don't need to put up with it, and I know it's hard as she's your daughter, but you would be so much better off without her, so you need to kick her out. If she gets abusive again, you need to get the police involved

Cricrichan Thu 15-Jun-17 22:21:22

Tell them all to fuck off.

notanurse2017 Thu 15-Jun-17 22:25:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

erinaceus Thu 15-Jun-17 22:28:05

Crikey! It sounds as if you have been through an enormous amount.

Firstly, do you feel safe in your own home? You mentioned that your DD punched you in the face. I would not feel safe living with somebody who had been violent towards me. Does she have keys to your home? Are you safe at the moment?

My second concern would be for your granddaughter. Is she safe and living somewhere safe and stable? The whole situation sounds somewhat chaotic and I would feel concern for a young child in the middle of all of this.

Want2beme Thu 15-Jun-17 22:46:55

Don't let her control you like this. You've given so much to your family and this is how they treat you. Pack her bag and sling it out the door, then tell her to follow it, no arguments. Tell her if she abuses you anymore, you'll be calling the police and will take out an injunction on her. Do you have any idea why she's so vile? You've done nothing so bad that you should worry so much about it. She can go and live her life somewhere else, then she can see how easy she's had it living with you. Go and see your GP for a chat and maybe some counselling for you, just to talk to someone, would be a good idea.

JayneAusten Thu 15-Jun-17 22:47:13

Do you have a social worker? I think it might be worth asking for some help. They will help you to ensure your granddaughter is safe and also that you are not being abused in your own home.

You do not deserve any of this. Take back your life. You only get one.

wherearemymarbles Thu 15-Jun-17 22:54:37

If you chatted on poker and he said Facebook isnt safe to chat he knows what you look like as he has seen you on Facebook right?

If you were his only contact on skype or sny contact how did je get in contact with your daughter ?

Shewhomustgowithoutname Fri 16-Jun-17 00:36:29

You really need to show your DD that you are not her punch bag. Often bullies watch for those who are unlikely to fight back. I think this is what your daughter has done. She also seems to have taken on the role of the senior adult of the house and car rather than a person who is living in someone else's house and using someone else's car.
If you think she has learned this from DH get rid of him too. This is the time to life YOUR life and don't put up with bullies. Get hold of the car keys and don't move an inch without them in future. Change the locks on the house next time DD and DS are out of the house.
It is hard and it is horrible but I have done similar and while I still feel very lonely I am so glad that I don't have anyone shouting and moaning at me all the time. I was not punched in the face but I was manhandled enough to cause bruises. I could never trust that person around me again. I did try but it is better without contact.
If you go to SW about how you have been treated you need to be very specific that you think there would be a problem for the child.
This is a rotten life you are in just now. You are worth better you can make your life better. It will take time but you can do it. Put yourself first and get this nasty girl out of your life.
I cant see me ever treating my parent(s) one or both like this. I was brought up strictly but compared to what you and I have both seen, strict upbringing is much better.

Peregrane Fri 16-Jun-17 00:50:03

I am so sorry OP!!

If you think there is a chance your daughter might get aggressive when told to move out, I wonder if you could ask for police assistance to supervise her leaving. You might want to report her assault on you in any case.

Contact with a social worker sounds like a good idea.

And your poor granddaughter... sad you would need to report your daughter's behaviours to ensure that your granddaughter's welfare is on the social services' radar.

Peregrane Fri 16-Jun-17 00:51:08

And please stop being disgusted by yourself and start being disgusted by the abusive behaviours of your daughter.

littlehygge Fri 16-Jun-17 01:32:50

I would contact a social worker for help. You're being abused in your own home. Ask her to leave. It is completely unacceptable behaviour and you didn't deserve it.

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