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Still wears wedding ring - advice please

(30 Posts)
meandmygirl1 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:36:21

I met a guy online and we have been seeing each other for a couple of months. He wants me to meet his family so we are going there for weekend end of July. He has said he would like to meet my dd and my family but I have put him off. Reason being he still wears his wedding ring but on his right hand. I feel this means he hasn't fully moved on. He has been separated for nearly 2 years.

I don't know how to approach it as it's his choice to wear it but I wouldn't feel comfortable introducing him to my family when he is wearing a wedding ring albeit on his other hand.

Am I being over cautious and paranoid or not?

RandomChocolate8 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:41:15

Definitely cautious and not over paranoid. If it's been nearly two years and he is over it enough to have another relationship I can't see any reason at all for him to wear his wedding ring.
I think you'll have to ask him but it's odd and I'd assume he's not over the end of his marriage.

meandmygirl1 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:44:02

Thanks. My gut is right then. He seems lovely but I don't think he is over his ex

OriginalArchitect Tue 13-Jun-17 20:44:14

Maybe he has a 'dent' that makes him feel uncomfortable. I know when I took my wedding/engagement ring off my finger looked very odd indeed. Have you asked him about why?

Beyondworried Tue 13-Jun-17 20:44:15

Ask him.

meandmygirl1 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:47:15

I asked him initially when we met and he said he likes the ring and that's all but it looks blatantly like a wedding ring. I don't feel it's my place to say to him to take it off.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Tue 13-Jun-17 20:47:26

I would be more concerned about the fact that he isn't divorced after nearly 2 years rather than the fact that he's still wearing some jewellery.

meandmygirl1 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:48:27

Yes I think you are all right. Too many warning signs here I think.

lilybetsy Tue 13-Jun-17 20:53:03

Ask him, tell him how you are thinking / feeling. Then, depending on his response either continue or end the relationship, I would go no further without clarity. Dating a man still in love with his ex is a sure fire way to get hurt.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 13-Jun-17 20:55:28

I didn't get divorced for ages sheer laziness but I stopped wearing my rings. Sorry flowers

Clawdeen Tue 13-Jun-17 21:06:33

I was widowed several years ago and wear my wedding and engagement rings on my right hand. It took me a while to move them over as I wasn't ready to let go so to speak. But when I moved them, it was because I no longer felt married and didn't want people to think I was. I like my rings and like wearing them - I don't really own any other jewellery. I'm also really scatty and if I took them off I'd more than likely lose them. I've also put on weight so they'd have to be cut off. Plus my DC are still little-ish and they are used to me wearing them. I've been on quite a few online dates but only 1 guy asked me about them. I didn't mind at all and was very open about what had happened. In my mind I don't really think about them; they're part of me and what's happened to me.

So I would say ask him and then take it from there.

Would I take mine off if a DP asked? I'm not sure but if it was a serious long term relationship and it was making my partner unhappy then perhaps (if my DC were OK with it). But they would have to come up with a good reason!

meandmygirl1 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:16:52

Yes I see that perspective as well as we have only been seeing each other a few months so I don't feel I can really comment on him wearing the ring until/ if things get more serious. But at same time, I don't want to spend more time with him to find out he is still in love with his ex and I get hurt.

PaintingByNumbers Tue 13-Jun-17 21:20:56

maybe it has sentimental value for other reasons? mine is my dads and I wear it on my right hand. I dont tell people it was my dads though, its a really personal thing as he died quite recently. i'd let him know your worries and see what happens.

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog Tue 13-Jun-17 21:21:44

I think it's a whole different thing if you've been widowed, Claw. I know quite a few widows and widowers who do this - because their late spouse is still much loved, and will always be loved, even if they then marry someone else. But I think I'd be very worried if it was a divorce - I'd assume he was not over his ex.

AvianCatcher Tue 13-Jun-17 21:23:15

Maybe he really does just like the ring?

meandmygirl1 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:41:56

Yes I think best to have a chat about it all

Musicaltheatremum Tue 13-Jun-17 22:24:58

I have a good friend who was widowed 9 years ago. She still wears her rings in her right hand. She got married before Christmas. Loves her new man to bits but first husband who died after 4 years of marriage is still very important.
5 years on I still wear my wedding rings and on my left hand but then I don't feel I need another relationship just now. (I'm 11 years older than my friend)

ChristinaParsons Tue 13-Jun-17 22:43:33

I'm in a long term relationship after my marriage ended. I still wear my rings on my right hand. They are worth 15k it's the safest place for them! What broke my heart was removing my wedding ring from my left hand. I had never taken it off since the day I got married. That happened before I met my new partner

Clawdeen Tue 13-Jun-17 23:43:10

Yes, hedgehog, you're right. It is different and I would be a bit wary of dating a separated man with a wedding ring ( have also done the dating separated man still living with ex which didn't end well!).

OP - I would ask him. I honestly was not offended/upset in anyway when I was asked by a date. More surprised that he'd noticed. When I told a good friend about it later, she piped up that she hadn't realised I still wore my rings! So I don't think you have to wait until things are more serious to ask. It's bothering you and I think that is reason enough to ask. Anyone decent would want to reassure you.

Ellisandra Tue 13-Jun-17 23:46:10

I don't think you can compare it to people who are widowed.

He's told you the reason - he likes it. What makes you think he hasn't moved on? I know two friends who have had engagement ring gems reworked - one a broach one a necklace. They've moved on, but they wanted to keep some form of the engagement ring.

CondensedMilkSarnies Tue 13-Jun-17 23:52:54

I wear my engagement ring on my right hand. I also wear an eternity type ring on my wedding ring finger that I bought for myself.

Do you get the impression that he's committed to you from his words and how he treats you ?

scottishdiem Wed 14-Jun-17 00:22:59

Given that people see this as a red flag I am surprised that no-one has mentioned be is just swapping the ring to the other hand just prior to meeting up......

Anyway, I suspect he started wearing it on that side and its become habit and probably doesnt even realise what it means to someone coming into his life. I find men are far less sentimental than women and see far less symbology in everyday habits.

I would suggest that you offer to buy a replacement ring that he can wear instead. If he wants his family to meet you then that could be a nice wee gift to set up the next stage in your relationship.

scottishdiem Wed 14-Jun-17 00:23:46

Wrong way round - meet your family.

RhythmAndStealth Wed 14-Jun-17 01:04:49

Still wears ring and not divorced yet? Massive red flags there. Sorry.

Butterymuffin Wed 14-Jun-17 01:14:37

'I don't feel comfortable introducing you to my family when you're still married. You're even still wearing the ring'. Say that and let him think about it.

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