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Still in limbo and hating that "First World Problems" feeling

(1 Post)
ExpatTrailingSpouse Mon 12-Jun-17 20:24:05

Just need another vent - still stuck in limbo. Backstory if you haven't seen a previous thread - H had a long EA (who am i kidding, am sure he shagged the OW), i'm an expat trailing spouse in the US. i always think to myself, if i'd known about mumsnet back then, i would not be here now, damnit.

Not willing to risk losing custody of DS due to immigration issues associated with divorcing, so i'm stuck until immigration stuff is resolved or things are forced to a head.

i know i'm lucky - i've mostly got my health, a place to live, food to eat, and i shouldn't be destitute when the time comes to be a single parent.

i think i'm feeling down because of the charade i have to play that i'm still making an effort, even though it's way too late for that. And I can see that his "effort" is basically a pisstake. even though he's the one who strayed, he somehow thinks i should be the one to chase him down like he's a prize.

to top it off, had a colposcopy this morning due to (first ever) abnormal PAP altho at least obgyn says it didn't look precancerous. i got the abnormal pap results while in UK visiting family a couple weeks ago but couldn't really ask the nurse questions on phone. told him he had to get DS to school this morning but didn't tell him the reason for the appt - cue him whining on the phone about how he wants to support me if there's something wrong, and all i can think about is if he infected me with HPV from his OW (yeah yeah i know hpv is dormant and most women have it unknowingly). and wondering if i should repeat STI screening because i stupidly dtd with him when i thought things were reconciling (before he showed his true colours remained the same).

took mum to a short city break and met up with someone i had gone to school with 20 years ago. we were talking about her lives, and she immediately hit the nail on the head - "isn't it a lonely life?" without even knowing all the crap stuff.

and for the cherry - fucking Trump.

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