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He did it again

(108 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Cantbelievethis123 Sun 11-Jun-17 13:11:26

Hi all I've name changed as my other posts are outing.
I don't know what to do. Last night I came home from work exhausted. My husband (as he does every fucking minute of the day it seems) starts going about wanting sex that night. I said I don't think so I'm to tired. Que his daily strop about how I can't possibly love him because I never want sex.
This is true but there is a reason.. it's because around 4/5 times (which he finally admitted to last night) he has had sex with me when I've been passed out drunk or asleep.
Last night we were spooning and he tried to cop a feel. I said don't I don't feel like it I'm going to sleep. He tried again a few minutes later. I shouted at him no! And to leave me alone. Well a few hours later I wake up to his penis inside me (sorry tmi). I jumped out of bed and started screaming at him.
He said he didn't do anything but eventually admitted it but said he didn't actually finish so it's not that big of deal.
I've told him this isn't the first time this has happened which he finally confessed to. The other times we argued about it he apologised and I forgave him as he turns it round on me and makes me feel I'm over reacting.
I don't know what to do. He's currently sat in the living room with our dc and I'm here in bits.
I'm so sorry that's so long and if I've missed anything. I can't really think straight right now

StealthPolarBear Sun 11-Jun-17 13:12:23

He is raping you. Regularly. So sorry you're living like this sad

TwitterQueen1 Sun 11-Jun-17 13:13:58

That is rape.

I'm sorry to be brutal, but he is raping you. I am not equipped to advise you except to say that I suggest you ring the rape crisis line. You need to talk to someone and get some counselling to help you deal with this.

MiaZadora Sun 11-Jun-17 13:14:32

Nothing like a sex pest to turn you off sex, not that he lets that stop him.

AngryCasper Sun 11-Jun-17 13:17:20

He rapes you. He's absolutely vile and has no respect for you. Please please leave.

Cantbelievethis123 Sun 11-Jun-17 13:18:47

Everytime he's done this he acts as though nothing's happened the next day. I get apologies and love yous but that's it.
This morning for example he said he thought I wanted it because I was pressed against him in just my underwear. I told him I very clearly told him I didn't and he just replied with I am really sorry.
My heads all over the place. In other ways he's an amazing husband and a fantastic father

Janeinthemiddle Sun 11-Jun-17 13:20:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AdalindSchade Sun 11-Jun-17 13:22:15

Amazing and fantastic husbands don't rape their wives.
He thinks he's entitled to use Your body for sexual gratification against your will. How exactly is he amazing?

AnyFucker Sun 11-Jun-17 13:26:17

Jane quit the rape apology, fgs engage your brain

Op, you know what to do.

Cantbelievethis123 Sun 11-Jun-17 13:27:43

Janeinthemiddle. This nagging and constantly wanting sex or marking innuendos whenever I say anything over so many years has worn me down so much that I think I would happily be ok with him watching porn and wanking.
We have had so many talks where I've told him that the pressure from him is the reason I can't bring myself to sleep with him. And I know that (even though I've never said to him. I don't know why) that the times he's done this before have made me lose respect for him in that sense

DawnOfTheMombie Sun 11-Jun-17 13:28:50

What AnyFucker said.

He thought you wanted it when you clearly said no? What an absolute cunt. I don't even know what to say. sad So many posts like this just lately.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 11-Jun-17 13:31:22

A DAILY strop because you don't want to have sex with him? Really, under those circs I can't imagine ever wanting to have sex with him.

He feels entitled to sex and he'll punish you for not supplying what he wants, and he'll take it without your consent. These are not the qualities of a fantastic husband! These are the qualities of a rapist and an abuser. That he won't acknowledge that he's done smthing wrong and isn't even contrite is quite shocking. Please, PLEASE get rid of him. If he won't go you could consider telling him that you'll share with your family and friends that he's a fucking rapist. Because that is precisely what he is.

Janeinthemiddle Sun 11-Jun-17 13:33:19

Anyfucker hmm

AnyFucker Sun 11-Jun-17 13:42:28

What ?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Sun 11-Jun-17 13:50:17

Jane - you do know that absolutely none of your questions are relevant, don't you?

Or are you suggesting that actually, in some cases, rape is understandable and excusable? Because if you're not, what was the purpose of your questions?

Farmerswifeupnorth81 Sun 11-Jun-17 13:51:26

Af what are you saying that to jane for ? She wasn't making a rape apology or whatever you called it confused

Farmerswifeupnorth81 Sun 11-Jun-17 13:52:07

She just asked a few questions ??? She never tried to excuse his vile behaviour

IHateUncleJamie Sun 11-Jun-17 13:54:01

Sex without consent is rape. Simple as. Completely unacceptable.

As an aside, do you regularly "pass out drunk", OP? Because that bit worried me.

RibCage Sun 11-Jun-17 13:54:15

Jane your being 'curious' is weird.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Sun 11-Jun-17 13:55:07

Don't be disingenuous. It's perfectly obvious to anyone that those particular questions are designed to imply that if her DH were getting regular sex, he wouldn't feel the need to rape her, and that if he leaves her it would be her fault for not giving in and providing him with sex on tap.

OP, ignore the rape apologists on here. I am very sorry for what you are going through.

Cantbelievethis123 Sun 11-Jun-17 13:56:12

No I don't regularly pass out drunk. This is over 7 years. Around 2 occasions this has happened when I've "passed out" drunk. Maybe that was the wrong phrase to use

Janeinthemiddle Sun 11-Jun-17 14:00:49

I only asked because I have been through similar things in the past with my ex and have always blamed myself for it.

I'm not sure what rape apology is and I only apologise for what you've gone through because it is shitty and because I have been there myself and it was tough. I'm not implying it is your fault or that there is any excuses to justify his actions other than he is a vile human being and you should leave him. Easier said than done perhaps as you have your children in the equation.

Chloe84 Sun 11-Jun-17 14:01:04

I would call the police on the fucker. That might make him stop.

Hopefully you will leave him so he doesn't have a chance to try again. It's a gross disrespect of your body, like it's his personal toy.

And Jane, you asked for a telling off, and you got it, so not sure why the hmm face

MrsELM21 Sun 11-Jun-17 14:01:20

This is rape, and completely abusive, can you/would you leave??

AnyFucker Sun 11-Jun-17 14:03:20

Jane did not "just ask a few questions"

"Jane" unsubtly reinforced the message that women must put out or men will be justified in going elsewhere even within a relationship

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