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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What do you think?

(11 Posts)
Reachingout1 Sun 11-Jun-17 09:13:25

Morning all.
So I posted the other day explaining that I had been with oh for 9 years, met when I was 16 he was 23, as time goes on I'm realising he isn't the 1 for me. I sat him down Tuesday eve ( which is massive for me to not bury my head in the sand but I'm so proud of myself for doing that ) explaining that I'm not happy, I didn't say it's over in fear of hurting him ( I know, coward really ) since Tuesday we have barely spoken, if we have it's about dd. No kisses at the end of texts - nothing. Now I know I don't want to be with him, not too sure how he feels but I don't know where to go from here? I ultimately know my answer is just to tell him but I'm nervous and need a hand hold!! X

bluebell34567 Sun 11-Jun-17 09:26:58

well, one of you has to leave.
you need to sit down and talk about what you will do next.

WingsofNylon Sun 11-Jun-17 09:55:49

It won't be comfortable but you do need to tell him. He can't be enjoying the current atmosphere either. Have an idea of a plan before talking to him. Do you want him to move out? Move to a spare room for now? Will you move out instead?

Reachingout1 Sun 11-Jun-17 10:04:11

When I spoke on Tuesday to him, he said I'd have to leave because he has too much stuff here ( he has lots of car parts in our shed ) but this is my house ( my name is on the tenancy ) we both have no where to go. My family love 10 miles away and he doesn't really have any. I think I'm going to say I'll stay in the spare room for the time being until he finds somewhere. I very often go in there anyway.

WingsofNylon Sun 11-Jun-17 10:09:31

What a silly thing for him to say. If it is in your name it makes more sense financially for you to stay. Give him a deadline to have moved out by otherwise you will find yourself in the spare room for too long.

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 11-Jun-17 10:13:47

You, not his car parts, are on the tenancy.

Was he aware before this that you weren't happy?

Reachingout1 Sun 11-Jun-17 10:52:44

He said also that I should be the one to go because it's me that's not happy.
I told him 3 weeks ago that I wasn't happy but felt like I needed give him a chance. He knows he's made me really upset in the past and I've had a lot of ea from him. I'm feeling a bit trapped to be honest

bluebell34567 Sun 11-Jun-17 10:59:25

the tenancy is on your name so end off.
don't give in to anything and send him off as soon as possible.

Ariawyn Sun 11-Jun-17 11:23:12

* No kisses at the end of texts - nothing*
well, what were you expecting? why would he send you signs of affection when you have said you dont want them?

He said also that I should be the one to go because it's me that's not happy.

in the kindest of ways, you can kind of see his point - i'm not saying you shouldnt stay OP by any means, but you have decided you want to break up the family, and he is going to lose his home, and his family, his DD etc? If this was reversed and you were the male in the relationship, i think most of MM would be saying dont move.

how long does the tennancy have?
how long do you think it would be for him to find somewhere else to live, where DD can go and stay with him - theres so much more to it than whos name is on the tennancy agreement

category12 Sun 11-Jun-17 11:38:10

Of course he has to be the one to leave. If you can stay amicable, he can keep his car stuff in the shed temporarily, but ridiculous to suggest that you leave your own tenancy.

Jux Sun 11-Jun-17 14:27:41

He leaves.
He goes in the spare room.
He does his own washing, shopping, cleaning, cooking.

Do not make it comfortable for him. It's a difficult balance between keeping things OK for dd, and uncomfortable for him.

Your name on the tenancy. You can change the locks when he's out, but it would be kind to give him notice. If he's ea then call WA for advice on how to get him out while keeping yourself safe and dd safe. Sometimes, an ea personll escalate the abuse up to, and including, physical violence, when they see their victim breaking free. Just beware of that, I'm not tryio scare you. If he does go that way, do not hesitate to call the police.

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