How to leave your husband?

[howtopeelagrape]

I am close to wanting to separate from my husband. We have been together almost 20 years, married for seven and have one pre school aged child.

We own a house together with a huge mortgage but manageable repayments with both of us paying it.

We both work full time.

I know there is a huge amount of emotional crap to deal with regarding separation but before I go down that road I want to understand what the legal situation is as best I can so that can help me make a choice.

Can anyone help me begin to navigate all of this?

[howtopeelagrape]

Anyone? Just some suggestions on what to read to help me understand what I need consider and a plan for would be helpful

[nigelsbigface]

If you both work full time and citron ute disobey equally financially and in terms of childcare, the starting point for everything is 50/50 split... that includes custody/residency of kids...

Agreements work backwards from
That when taking into account financial splits/residency arrangements based on who earns more, who has potential
To earn more, who has done more childcare etc...but nothing is nailed on-every case is different it seems.

Is it likely to be amicable?

[nigelsbigface]

Sorry autocorrect! Contribute equally

[howtopeelagrape]

I think both of us would work our hardest to make it amicable.

I can't afford the mortgage on my own, will we need to sell and both buy smaller places?

He earns about twice as much as me, would that make a difference?

What about pensions etc?

[nigelsbigface]

You wouldn't necessarily have to sell the house. You all need a place to live and often it turns out it's cheaper to keep the house and rent/buy somewhere else rather than sell and buy two smaller places.
But it depends what you agree between you.

If you have the kids more then usually your spouse would have to pay you maintenance.

With re pensions, again the starting point is 50 50 split of assets including pensions.

My advice would be to go and see a solicitor and explain your situation-if you have figures on earnings and pensions that will help...

And re amicability-great if you can be-but once money starts to be mentioned and emotions are running high that can go out of the window in a big way...so best to have a bit of legal advice from the off so you know where to stand your ground. That sounds awful but true unfortunately.

[Changedname3456]

Also bear in mind that "amicable" only works initially where both see the marriage as over. You express this as you wanting to separate from him. Does he know this?

If he doesn't know you feel this way, and believes the marriage is fine, then it's going to be a big shock to him. He'll go through all the usual stages of grief, and part of that will be denial and anger.