Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why me?

(11 Posts)
FML2017 Sat 10-Jun-17 18:30:18

Name changed for this, and will change a few unimportant details so I don't out myself.

I recently found out I am about 8 weeks pregnant, this was not planned and a shock as I am on the pill. Already have a 4 year old DD from previous relationship.

Have only been with my boyfriend for 5 months and it's falling apart already. He is happy about the pregnancy, "supportive" in his own way. I can't have an abortion, I just can't, I'm against them and I had 3 miscarriages before my DD so it feels wrong to me. But I can just see I will end up as a single mum of 2 with 2 different dads.

There is just no hope for me now to ever have a normal family life that I wanted. I give up.

No advice anyone can give really just wanted to rant and please no one be mean as I don't think I can take it.

HerOtherHalf Sat 10-Jun-17 18:35:00

You can't change the past so don't dwell on it. What's done is done. Look to the future and be positive. You'll make it work, with your boyfriend or without him. Never give up.

chumpchange Sat 10-Jun-17 18:35:58

My friend is a single mum of 2 kids to 2 men, both unplanned and both fathers pissed off.

I've known her long before either of us had kids BTW.

I have 2 planned kids with my husband.

It's the luck of the draw. I'm no better a person than she is and I doubt that my family life is any happier (probably a bit easier mind you!). Her children are a delight and we often spend time together.

I consider them a 'normal' family just like ours.

You can do this.

FML2017 Sat 10-Jun-17 18:38:59

Thank you

whatsmyname2017 Sat 10-Jun-17 20:20:00

Try to look at the positives OP. I'm recently single with 2 DC and I feel a bit like that. Its works out for some people and not others.
I have a friend who is the same age as me and she has never had a long term relationship. Its just never happened for her. She has always wanted kids but its looking too late now.
So, I thank my lucky stars that I have 2 gorgeous kids who keep me sane (and drive me insane sometimes too).
Being on your own with 2 kids - who says that's not a normal family life?

user1615 Sat 10-Jun-17 20:43:08

What's falling apart? Is there no chance you can make it work ?

chumpchange Sat 10-Jun-17 20:55:05

Being on your own with 2 kids - who says that's not a normal family life?


Just thinking of some of the families I know personally (some friends, some acquaintances):

Mother + young daughter (father not in picture, lives abroad)
Mother + 2 children (father involved but not much)
Mother + son
2 mothers + 2 children
Mother, father + 2 children
Mother + father + 1 child, parents are together but live separately
Single mother by choice with 2 IVF children
Single father with 1 daughter, mother involved but lives a plane ride away
Widowed father with 2 children

Etc etc.

Families come in all shapes and sizes, it's the love that counts flowers

TreeTop7 Sat 10-Jun-17 22:20:44

Families these days seldom fall into the "married mum and dad wth 2 children" category. I think that's a positive thing, because it reflects that gay people can now marry and have kids, and that people aren't forced to stay in miserable or violent alliances in order to keep up appearances.

The important thing is that the children are provided for, and that they feel secure.

JK1773 Sat 10-Jun-17 22:31:02

Bless you. I'm 42 and not blessed with any DC. It might seem shit but you are lucky in many respects. I slightly envy you but I know that's wrong. You sound like a strong brave woman. You are a fantastic mother and you will be again.

FML2017 Sun 11-Jun-17 16:46:56

I will just be tied to the father forever. He has already said (and this is before he has any idea I don't want to be with him) "If you ever tried to use that baby as a weapon trust me I will fight you and get it off you". Why would anyone say that?

donajimena Sun 11-Jun-17 17:07:30

I don't know why HE said it. I don't know the context. But I do know that a lot of men (the father of mine did) threaten it. Its an empty threat designed to hurt.
As it turned out I offered all the access in the world but he wasn't interested until they were older. So unless you are in any danger or an abusive situation call his bluff and don't engage with these conversations.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: