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Aibu to ask why your dp/dh stopped loving you?

(20 Posts)
user1615 Sat 10-Jun-17 18:22:11

I'm feeling so pathetic and unlovable right now. After dh left telling me he doesn't love me anymore I've been wracking my brains for reasons why. Can I please hear your stories so I don't feel as alone in this devestating situation please. He's not really give me much of a reason and I'm driving myself crazy sad

user1615 Sat 10-Jun-17 18:22:55

Also did they come crawling back at any point?

LedaP Sat 10-Jun-17 18:26:02

There can be loads of reasons.

For me it was that we both changed. I intiated the split. We just werent compatible anymore and i fell out of love.

But there can be loads of other reasons. Another woman/man has turned their head. Something small you do has built up resentment. Something big you do has changed how they feel. There is infinite reasons.

LedaP Sat 10-Jun-17 18:26:50

Oh and i am sorry you are hurting.

But no i didnt crawl back. I wasnt in love with him anymore. There was no crawling to be done.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 10-Jun-17 18:28:05

My ex it was a gradual thing. He loved himself a good deal more than he loved me to start with . But I found out afterwards that he'd probably been cheating.

Sorry flowers

I am now married to a hot, loving, sweet man so things turned out great.

gottachangethename1 Sat 10-Jun-17 18:29:48

It isn't necessarily anything you've done. People change and sometimes their feelings aren't the same. Stop being hard on yourself. You should be loved for being you, just as you are. Take care of yourself op.

BrownJenkins Sat 10-Jun-17 18:57:17

I remember being told, that as a rule, men don't normally leave unless they have someone else to go to.

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 10-Jun-17 20:12:57

With hindsight and loving/being loved by someone else I don't think he ever loved me, he loved the idea of me. Definitely he loves himself more than anyone else including DD.
I felt like you for a long while, I gradually built a new life without him.
Then one day I felt ready to meet other people ( took 4.5years to get to that point). In the mean time be kind to yourself you need time to grieve.

Hermonie2016 Sat 10-Jun-17 20:34:41

I think you can grow apart especially if you got together young.We now know brain development continues until late 20s and that can bring about changes..the person you are at 20 isn't who you are at 30.

I also think work can change people.My stbxh started to work in a very image conscious place..he has had to change to fit in.Those changes were negative from my perspective.

Some people also have low levels of commitment, not understanding that the honeymoon phase doesn't always last and when that wears off they are looking for someone shiny and new.

barrygetamoveonplease Sat 10-Jun-17 20:39:46

Because he was a cunt.
Because his parents were judgemental, not loving, to him.
Because I wasn't going to inherit money from my parents.
Because I didn't match up with his fantasy me.
Because I didn't look like the teenage me when I was a mother.
Because I was way cleverer than him.
Because I was a SAHM and he thought of that as me 'taking all his money'.
And more.

But yes, he did come crawling back. I wouldn't have him.

user1615 Sat 10-Jun-17 20:40:57

I feel so broken. I keep going round in my head thinking what it is that I could have done wrong. We weren't brilliant but we was still in love as far as I know. He still told me as showed me he loved me right up until the end.

Morgan2017 Sat 10-Jun-17 20:44:39

My long term partner left. Apparently stress of new job/financial difficulties hmm
I tend to think men dont stray away unless they have a someone in mind to stray to sad
Yes.... he did come crawling back. Still is to this day. I told him the grass is greener where u water it.
However im no longer bothered what he does grin

Morgan2017 Sat 10-Jun-17 20:47:52

And btw... i am soooo sorry for u. I genuinely do remember the gut wrenching heart ripping stomach dropping empty hollow feeling. I wouldnt wish on anyone. flowers

DustyMaiden Sat 10-Jun-17 20:53:39

Because I wasn't stupid enough, and I spoilt our relationship by seeing through him and objecting to being treated like the housekeeper.

user1615 Sat 10-Jun-17 21:16:12

He was so lovely to me though i just don't get it. What if I have taken advantage? I've got the Dcs to look after and the house and everything else too. Because he can't give me a reason I'm just feeling like the worst person in the world. I wish I could have done more I wish I could turn back time so badly

Minime85 Sat 10-Jun-17 21:52:08

Because I didn't understand his job the way someone (his now girlfriend) in the same job could. Because we both changed. Because he wasn't willing to fight for our relationship. Because 10 yrs of marriage didn't seem to matter. Because it's hard raising kids. Because he thought the grass was greener. Because I expected too much apparently.

So sorry op. It does get better. I promise. U don't get over it necessarily but u will move on when you're ready.

FrancesDestroyed Sat 10-Jun-17 22:39:09

Because I got breast cancer and he felt like my carer. angry

Composteleana Sat 10-Jun-17 22:51:27

I'm sorry you're hurting user, it is shit but you are absolutely not unloveable.

Frances that's awful, I'm sorry and hope you're well now.

My ex announced we weren't in love anymore which was news to me, as he'd proposed not long before and he never stopped telling me how much he loved me, sex was still great etc etc. Turned out he was shagging someone else and had got her pregnant. He didn't come crawling back but I've heard he tells people now I was the best relationship of his life. Go figure.

It took a very long time but I rebuilt a life that was much better than the one with him, and am now with a very lovely man who I trust with my whole heart, something I never thought I'd be able to do. Looking back with ex I think it was just that we'd been together since teenagers and had outgrown each other, it was for the best in the long run.

SeanOSneachta Sat 10-Jun-17 23:00:42

As a previous poster said, he loved himself more; and as others have also experienced he had found himself a devoted admirer. He insisted he never stopped loving me and never will (bollocks) but even if it were true, I wasn't prepared to be third on the list. This was highly inconvenient to him and obviously I am unreasonable hmm

UnbornMortificado Sat 10-Jun-17 23:11:10

Frances flowers I'm angry for you I've heard of some shitty behaviour over the years but that is a new low.

Hope your well now.

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