Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Tell me straight

(11 Posts)
StillGotTheTreeUp Fri 09-Jun-17 15:54:59

I'm on my phone and this may end up quite long, so apologies in advance. I've missed out quite a bit to keep it to the main facts.

I'm in a mess and can't really see the wood from the trees atm. I could do with some straight, impartial advice.

Split up with bf just before Christmas. There were issues in our relationship which included his gambling addition and me starting to find myself developing feelings for another man.

After he moved out i started seeing this guy, at the same time i was struggling with a mental health condition I have had since my teens. It became blatantly obvious how much I was struggling and he was a huge support. I had never spoken or sought help for my issues and he was the first person I was ever able to tell. He gave me the confidence to get help, which I did.

We carried on seeing each other. I was pining over my ex still but I was starting to get over it i think.

Fast forward 5 months and I get the news my ex is having a baby with someone else. I pretty much had a breakdown, was absolutely distraught. I got in contact with my ex, turns out he was not properly with the lady who is pregnant and I ask him to come home, which he does.

I now think I regret it. I told him about my mh issues which he's completely ignored.. He's being lovely and just as he always was but there's something that just isn't right. I've expressed this to him and he says I need to give it more time.

What do you think?

AnyFucker Fri 09-Jun-17 16:04:17

Never go back

You only wanted your ex back because you thought he was lost to someone else

Your MH is very important and if you stay with him you will be back to that bad place when you split within a matter of weeks or months

lilybetsy Fri 09-Jun-17 16:05:09

you need to be alone without either man. Your ex bf needs o man up and be a father to the child he so casually conceived.
Move on. there is nothing but heartache here

StillGotTheTreeUp Fri 09-Jun-17 16:37:20

Thank you.

My mh issues are still pretty bad. I'm getting help, but I'm a long way off where I was before. He doesn't acknowledge them at all though. Just totally ignores it which is good in one way, but I realise it's not good in reality.

Baby is going to be catered for. Both parties involved were equally irresponsible.

I'm stuck. He's given up his place now. I was getting myself in a big hole financially and that's only going to get worse. A part of me thinks better the devil you know. He treats me well.

Secretlife0fbees Fri 09-Jun-17 16:49:16

Get rid of him if you can. I know the 'better the devil you know' feeling as that's why I got back with my stbx 5 years ago after an 18 month split. I knew pretty much straight away I'd made a huge mistake!!!! We are divorcing now and had it not been for me having my dc2 in that time I would be deeply regretful of ever having him back. I would swallow your pride and get rid before it gets even harder to. Good luck

TheNaze73 Fri 09-Jun-17 17:20:14

I think you look forward. You weren't happy as you wouldn't have been sniffing around the other bloke

ferriswheel Fri 09-Jun-17 20:26:16

I got as far as 'gambling addiction'.

Whatever mh problems you have now they will only get worse with him.

Run, run as fast as you can.

StillGotTheTreeUp Fri 09-Jun-17 20:38:15

It's just so bloody hard.

He can't go anywhere immediately. It's my house so I'm not going anywhere. I do love him, I just know it's not right.

ferriswheel Fri 09-Jun-17 21:37:24

You sound exactly like me a year ago. You need to toughen up. Honestly, it only gets worse.

StillGotTheTreeUp Sat 10-Jun-17 10:15:26

Has anyone stayed and made it work?

DrunctioningFunk Sat 10-Jun-17 19:46:45

Please don't try and talk yourself into the positives- they are false positives, the sole reason you are seeking reassurance is enough to indicate that you know deep down there is no going back. I have been through similar lately and as hard as it was, I have been amicable to him (we have DC) and held my head up, but absolutely made it clear to him there is no going back. It has helped me to move forward. Good luck x

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: