Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Seperated for three months too soon for FWB?

(11 Posts)
Startingfreshi123 Fri 09-Jun-17 11:10:15

In April, I seperated from my childhood sweetheart after a 16 year relationship. Over the past 3 years, he started to secretly message other women. Some flirty, some just too friendly. Made Inappropriate sexual comments social media and speaking to women at 4am. Basically a whole load of suspicious behaviour that has broken my heart.
I finally have the courage to leave him so he lives at his mums but comes twice a week to see our two dc's. 6yrs and 9 months.
I've met a man online who has turned into the best friend with benefits I could have asked for. In 16 years, (and im only 33), ive never had sex like it. He blows my mind!. Even though we seem to have missed out the friend partblush, he understands my situation and completely accepts there's no strings attached. Although we sext nearly everyday.
However, my ex has got suspicious and asked me if I'm sleeping with anyone. I could see he was getting emotional and upset. I just ended up saying, 'none of your business '! But he's taken that as a yes and stormed out, looking mortified.
I'm now wishing I lied and said, 'no way', cos it's only been 3 months. I have no regrets but seeing him go slightly crazy has left me feeling sorry for him but also sickly satisfying to see him hurt, same way I've been hurting. Should I just lie to keep him from loosing his temper like that again? And am I rushing things by having a purely sexual relationship with someone so soon? He really worked himself up and even thinks he's been in our bed but he has no idea where I live. Hotels only.

chantico Fri 09-Jun-17 11:17:46

It is none of his business.

I'd just stick to that line, sounding as bored as you can.

If however you are feeling bad about it, because it's only been 3 months and you're still in a weird up-and-down zone, then you don't have to carry on. It's totally up to you.

But if your XP is becoming volatile around you, it will be worth reviewing how contact about the DC is carried out so you are not risk and your DC never see him going too far.

Startingfreshi123 Fri 09-Jun-17 11:25:36

Thanks Chantico. I'm definitely in a weird place, in terms of seeking something with someone just to fill the gap in my life. But my body has needs and my FWB is handling them. Dc's were fast asleep when he went a bit nuts. I just hope he can handle the not knowing a bit better. Silly reaction really, after what he's put me through.

tiba Fri 09-Jun-17 11:25:45

Not too soon at all

TheNaze73 Fri 09-Jun-17 11:30:00

Tell your ex to piss off. Everyone knows, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. As long as no one gets hurt & their are no lies about where things are going, I see no problem

ravenmum Fri 09-Jun-17 11:31:35

It's none of his business.

Startingfreshi123 Fri 09-Jun-17 11:31:57

"Everyone knows, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone"!! Hahaha! That's one of the best quotes I've ever heard! Feel a whole lot better now TheNaze!!!

noego Fri 09-Jun-17 11:34:41

If you have emotional baggage then probably not, it will get mixed up, if you are using FWB to dull the pain of separation and an FWB will move on at some point, then how will you feel?
if however you are feeling that your relationship with your OH is totally finished and you are feeling completely liberated then go for it. Your OH will have to deal with it. But expect jealousy if he has an inkling. I have experience of this. My OH was jealous of me seeing other people even though they were in a full on affair.

Startingfreshi123 Fri 09-Jun-17 11:50:02

Emotionally and physically, me and ex are totally finished, although he begs and pleads to come home. He hasn't quite accepted its over. I definitely feel liberated having no stress and tears anymore. But lonely, as expected. He's still very much around because of childcare, living arrangements, finances etc. But I stopped loving him about a year ago but stayed, hoping it would get better.

noego Fri 09-Jun-17 12:00:21

Happy days (and nights) then. Love it. FWB or friends and lovers as I like to call them are the best medicine smile All the fun without the aggro smile

TheNaze73 Fri 09-Jun-17 15:14:39

Always pleased to help OP grin

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: