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I feel like this is unravelling

(4 Posts)
Jamon Fri 09-Jun-17 08:30:53

DH and I have been married just over 2 years, we've been trying to conceive for 18 months. I feel like our marriage is now starting to unravel. We fall out all the time. Just had another screaming row this morning with him saying he doesn't know if he wants it anymore and me threatening to leave.

I don't know what to do. I feel like not only am I not going to have children but I'm not going to have a husband anymore soon either.

How do we get through this 😔

Josuk Fri 09-Jun-17 09:12:15

Sorry, it sounds tough.
Also - understandable. TTC, for months takes a toll. Especially if it's causing stress.
And it takes focus away from intimacy that is impottant to maintaining a relationship.

I don't have advice.
It's easy to say - try to re-focus and take a break from baby-focus, and try to remember the two of you.
It's easy to say that and hard to do.

Are you TTC on your own, or, have you seen a doctor yet?

justabsolutlyconfused Fri 09-Jun-17 09:16:26

It sounds like pre pregnancy pressures and anxiety are building. I think a deep breathe needs to taken by you both and a bit of rational talking to be done.
It's easy to lose yourselves in the whole conception thing. Is it possible to organise a quiet calm evening of getting back to basics and remembering why you got together in the first place?

Jamon Fri 09-Jun-17 09:51:02

Thanks for your replies.

We went to our GP 12 months in and got referred to the hospital. They've done load loads of tests, we fall into "unexplained" category, although DH had slightly low morphology on his first two tests. This then improved and came up to normal. I think he still blames himself though - and to be completely honest I still think perhaps its male factor that is preventing it.

I know this will be having an impact on him, but he's a typical man and is not able to express himself on it at all. He just says things like "my heads not right" "I don't know what I want" and about how he feels very low most of the time. He doesn't offer me much emotional support - and I get angry as I'm the one who's wanted a baby for so long. We've been together 11 years - it took him a long time to propose. He finds change / life decisions very hard and is often paralysed by indecision. He maintains strongly that he wants children - and I've seen how he is with babies, he loves them.

You are both right that we need to focus back on us, but I feel like so much damage has been caused by all this. I don't know how to get back from this. I feel unable to take my focus away from TTC, I'm utterly utterly consumed by it.

My best friend text me yesterday to say she is 12 weeks pregnant - they started trying over a year after us and will have a baby before us. I am ashamed of myself that I sobbed my heart out getting her news.

I hate what this is doing to me, and to our marriage.

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