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Has anyone managed to stay friends with ex?

(10 Posts)
OfficiallyUnofficial Fri 09-Jun-17 00:29:49

We get on very well and have kids together. But we talk daily, do family stuff and stay together when he sees the kids as he lives miles away.

We have decided to be done but I sometimes feel like this isn't really a split where we can move on in our respective lives as everything is still so intertwined and we rely on each other emotionally quite a bit? But if we can be that intertwined it is best for the kids I.e still family time, one home etc.

Looking for stories a few years down the line?!

YazooAddict Fri 09-Jun-17 00:32:07

What happens when either of you meet someone else?

It sounds like you need to change the nature of your relationship so that you coparent but don't depend on each other emotionally.

It's great if you can maintain good relations, but not like this...

OfficiallyUnofficial Fri 09-Jun-17 01:22:09

No idea

loobylou1967 Fri 09-Jun-17 02:37:55

How long has it been since you split?
I still remain friends with my ExH, 15 years after our divorce and have rarely had a cross word between us, but people are still amazed by this IME.
Our DD was 6 when we split and we decided that she was the most important person and that we would try and keep things as amicable as possible for her benefit. ExH even spent the first couple of Christmas Days with us (and my now DH) so that he didn't miss out on time with DD and we spent several important family occasions together. We shared custody pretty much 50-50 and DD had 3 parents - later 4 when exH remarried - at all her parents evenings and school events.
DD is 21 now and just finishing uni so exH and I don't need to communicate as much as we used to but still catch up once a month or so for a chat.
It can work and whilst I appreciate that all relationships are different, it makes me so angry when parents use their DC as weapons against each other.

user1486956786 Fri 09-Jun-17 02:45:35

Loobylou, you and your families sound so amazing. Such a great example to your DD.

My partners ex wife is still angry and rude 6 years on, it's just no way to live a life carrying that negativity around with you. Everyone else is moved on and happy, it's sad she can't get herself to that place.

OP, how long have you been split up? Even if early days, start moving relationship with ex forward knowing in your mind you and him could meet someone else in the future.

kickarse Fri 09-Jun-17 09:50:13

It would have been lovely if dh's xw was a nice person, sadly she is not. I really tried with her to have a friendly supportive relationship, as it would have been dss best interest. But she continues to be abusive and controlling with dh and their ds. She does not address issues with dss (compulsive stealing, dh and I are working closely with school, health professionals and in contact with the police), leaving him angry, feeling uncared for by her and hurt. One can not reason with batshit.

Hassled Fri 09-Jun-17 09:56:03

I get on very well with my first H, father of my older DCs, and always have done. He's a good man and a good father - he was just a crap husband. We've both remarried.
So yes, it's perfectly possible to stay friends, but what you're describing is more than that really, isn't it? You may not be having sex anymore but you're still emotionally very invested. If you want to move on and make it be just a good friendship then you'll have to detach a bit. And that's going to be hard if that's not actually what you want to happen.

pinkbraces Fri 09-Jun-17 10:04:21

My experience is very similar to Loobylou.
Ex and I split up when DD was 9
Months, she is now 22. First year was difficult but after that we were able to co-parent very well. We have always done shared birthdays, events, graduation, we are both remarried and the 4 of us get in well.
DD tells me she is so happy at how we all managed to get along so well.

IWillCrushYouLikeABug Fri 09-Jun-17 10:15:00

Unofficiallyoffical. I'm where you are unfortunately. I find it confusing and unsure where I want it to end. From the anonymity of the interwebs... do you still have occasional 'slip ups'?blush we do...

IWillCrushYouLikeABug Fri 09-Jun-17 10:16:23

Actually what I'd like is for us to sort our shit out but I know that's not going to happen and in the mean time we're in an awkward stage of it being together but wishing we were.

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