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Need some advice!!!

(10 Posts)
user1471173214 Thu 08-Jun-17 14:13:29

Bit of a long one.
I just need advice on how to get through a break up from a long term relationship. I basically have no friends. We were together for 7 and a half years and I still love him. I finished it with him after I found him talking drity to other women on dating sites a few months ago. Since then we both have told each other that we still want each other but he said I have to change. He says I treat him like crap. I was ok with this if he did the same. He agreed. Then a few days ago he just decided he doesn't wanna get back with me and it's broke me. He won t give me a reason as to why he doesn't want to be with me either which makes it worse because I've stuck by him after him cheating on me, been on dating sites numerous times, making fake Facebook and email accounts etc. He's also been violent in the past. Bruised me and he even got arrested for it once. He emotionally gets to me too. He turns everything around on to me, calls me names, he paddies if he doesn't get his own way. He tells me I can't wear make up when I'm going out because if I do, I'm going out to find other men etc. I've no friends. No money. I'm in loads of debt and I've got two young kids (5 And 2). He works so he was/is the main provider in the house. I just feel like I can't cope anymore. I know i shouldn't even love him but I do and I just don't know what to do. Thanks x

CondensedMilkSarnies Thu 08-Jun-17 14:20:17

You poor thing , sounds like he's done a real number on your self esteem and confidence. I know we reel it out all the time, but I would start with counselling to help you sort out your feelings . Allow yourself to feel sad , you've had a rubbish time . It will take time but being apart from this abusive knob will be the best thing you can do for you and your children xx

cakecakecheese Thu 08-Jun-17 14:21:19

Focus on the main facts here, he was violent to you, he was controlling, he cheated on you and yet he said you need to change. You are so much better off without this person in your life.

Get some practical advice on what to do next from Citizen's Advice or Women's Aid.

Do you have any family nearby?

user1471173214 Thu 08-Jun-17 14:28:31

My mum lives just up the road. About 10 min walk away. I don't want to go running to them about things he's done cos he's an amazing dad. He really is. Even tho he has been horrid to me. Like, I cannot fault him with the kids at all x

CondensedMilkSarnies Thu 08-Jun-17 14:37:03

An 'amazing dad' would never abuse the mother of his children - EVER!

He has brainwashed you .

cakecakecheese Thu 08-Jun-17 16:08:16

No! An amazing Dad would not treat the Mother of his kids like this. You have support near you, please use them to help you. It's not running, it's escaping.

isitjustme2017 Thu 08-Jun-17 16:12:01

I agree, he is not an amazing dad. How can you 100% trust he won;t hurt the kids one day when he doesn't get his own way. I wouldn't trust a violent man with kids.
Write down all the horrible things he has said and done and keep reading it every time you feel sad he's left you.
You definitely need to work on your self esteem because you DO deserve better than him, you just don't see it.
Do you want your DC to grow up seeing your abusive relationship as normal?? Please focus your energies on them.

Hidingtonothing Thu 08-Jun-17 16:55:15

First things first OP, enrol on your local Freedom Programme. It will help on lots of levels, it'll help you understand why he treated you that way and teach you how to recognise the warning signs so you can have healthier relationships in the future. It will also get you out there, speaking to other people (many of whom will be in a similar position) and doing something for yourself so you feel you're moving forward. There's often crèche facilities so it's an hour where you can just think about yourself too. There will be other things you can do to help yourself along the way but I would just take a step at a time for now and the first step is to enrol flowers

pog100 Thu 08-Jun-17 17:42:58

A really important, vital part of being a good Dad is to model a good relationship between parents. He is patently failing abysmally in this aspect and I suspect many more. You have set a very low bar for amazing parenting and your kids would be better off with your separated, he can still do the Disney dad aspects to his heart's content

WateryTart Thu 08-Jun-17 17:44:37

No amazing dad treats the mother of his children so badly.

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