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I am afraid that future husband cant hold a job

(43 Posts)
soconfused40 Tue 06-Jun-17 18:33:23

Hello all. I am with DP for two years and we are planning to get married next year. Recently i started thinking that he can not hold a job for more than few months and it must be his fault. I know it sounds terrible but he has been through so many since i met him and he will always leave or get fired and always blaming it on them. I was very supportive up to few months ago because i believed every reason he gave me. The one job wasnt giving him opportunities, the job was very hard , the manager didnt like him and was jealous of him, supervisor felt threatened by him being so good at his job etc. It sounds ridiculous now but i believed every excuse and always supported him. When he got his latest job he would come home telling me all those stories how good he is and how everyone will go to him for help and i thought that this is finally where he will settle. But now three months in the job he started telling me how the supervisor tries to get him fired because he is feeling threatened by him .Apparently my DP is so good at this job that everyone goes to him for help ignoring the supervisor. I feel terrible saying this but is all seemed too silly to be true. When i tried to tell him that to me it doesnt seem that the supervisor does anything else than his job (he told me some stories) he got angry with me telling me that i can not support him and that i will always support those who are bad to him. What is the best way to approach the situation? I honestly think that there is something wrong on my DP side because it can not be always someone elses fault

LedaP Tue 06-Jun-17 18:37:02

Sounds like he cant hold a job down and he is a billy bullshitter.

Do you really want this forever?

weatherbomb Tue 06-Jun-17 18:40:51

do you want to be married to a cockloger? he's never going to hold down a job which will affect you future & the future of any children you have together. My ex was like this - always someone else's fault, he worked harder than anyone else etc. Just excuse, after excuse. I'd seriously think about postponing your wedding, there's just too much uncertainty for the future. Best of luck flowers

wobblywonderwoman Tue 06-Jun-17 18:46:00

Really tricky op but when it comes to the crunch, you need a man you can rely on and he needs a women he can rely on.

Nobody should be in the position of bailing out their other half because of personality issues.

I went out with men who were a bit laid back about work and I knew if it got serious I would be the sole breadwinner and provider. Nothing wrong with that if needs must (genuine redundancy or sickness) but its not on and I wouldn't go into it knowingly (easier said than done when you are engaged)

TroysMammy Tue 06-Jun-17 18:51:01

Please don't marry him. I married when I was in my early 20's. He was "in between jobs". During 13 years of marriage there were many occasions when he was "in between jobs". When he was working he took out loans in his name to buy bicycles or motorbikes. When he wasn't he would sell the items, at a loss, to make the monthly loan payments.

We never went on holiday, except a couple of weekends to stay with friends. We chopped and changed cars, always ones he wanted, I paid for them. He would make me catch the bus to work so he could fanny about all day.

I worked full time, earning about £12k. I paid the mortgage, the car (staff loan), car insurance, food, bills and all the other household expenses including giving him money to go out on the piss.

I also came home from work to do household chores, shop for food, make food as he sat on his arse or enjoyed his hobbies.

I'm 49 now, mortgage free, car paid for, have savings, work part time, holidays and a lovely partner who contributes to the household expenditure.

He's 48, still in between jobs, living with a friend and still cycles.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 06-Jun-17 18:54:08

It's time to take off the rose colored glasses and stop listening to his lies, bullshit, and fairy tales. HE is the problem. HE is the one who can't hold a job, and it is unlikely this will change. Is this really what you want for your future? Personally, I think you would be crazy to marry this man.

BestestBrownies Tue 06-Jun-17 19:00:59

Listen to your gut instinct - it's there to protect you. He will not suddenly change into a hard working, conscientious employee. He will ALWAYS be like this. Run for the hills.

There are plenty of decent men out there. The more time you waste on this loser, the less time you will have to find one of the good ones.

Dragongirl10 Tue 06-Jun-17 19:16:20

Ermm...he sounds rediculous and l fear the problem is with very careful op

Oblomov17 Tue 06-Jun-17 19:19:34

He sounds like a bullshitter.

Seeingadistance Tue 06-Jun-17 19:22:33

Please don't marry him.

FizzyGreenWater Tue 06-Jun-17 19:23:40

Do yourself the biggest favour you will ever do and postpone the wedding. Indefinitely, until you see the truth of this for yourself.

He sounds like a bullshitter. Two years isn't long really - you're just getting to see the real him now. And it doesn't look good!

oldestmumaintheworld Tue 06-Jun-17 19:23:52

Get rid of him now. A decent man takes care of himself and his partner and that means working hard for a living. Any man who can't sustain a job is just taking up space in your life.

And please don't think he'll change - they never, ever do.

choli Tue 06-Jun-17 19:26:38

Do not marry this man. Do not have children with this man. Cut your losses and be glad that you saw through him in time.

Booksandcrocheting Tue 06-Jun-17 19:26:48

I'ld be very wary OP. As it's not really just one problem - that he finds it hard to hold down a job, but a more worrying problem imo is hat he lacks any insight into this, and either is lying to you or genuinely feels so superior to others that he's going to struggle in any job.

gamerchick Tue 06-Jun-17 19:27:07

Do not marry or have babies with this person. You won't want to stay with him long term.

GretchenFranklin Tue 06-Jun-17 19:29:40

No no no. This will be your life OP.

Out of interest, do you own your house?

bert3400 Tue 06-Jun-17 19:55:33

Don't do it ...i did in my 20's to a complete bullshitter . I finally saw the truth after 4 years of it and left him . He hasn't worked a day since and that was 22 years ago he claims disability but it's also bullshit.

Thefutureisbright2017 Tue 06-Jun-17 20:03:18

Been there, Ex had 12 jobs in 4 years...hmm low and behold he's giving up this one after 3 months. A stress you don't need when having children, some people just cant take instruction, feel entitled, and blame everyone else for their failings. It won't change.

Mermaidinthesea123 Tue 06-Jun-17 20:08:42

I put up with this shit for 18 years, I wish I'd known about this from the beginning and dumped him. Turned out to be a cocklodger.

LIZS Tue 06-Jun-17 20:12:31

It will never be his fault, how long before he starts to blame you for his woes. Is he actually trained for these jobs? He must talk the talk at interview but either overreaches himself or his attitude is poor. Can you afford to carry a loser? What if you want children? Can you live with the insecurity of this pattern?

BestZebbie Tue 06-Jun-17 20:18:27

Also don't forget that if you marry and subsequently break up you will seamlessly be the ogre who has been victimising poor blameless little him, to his next meal ticket^W^W girlfriend.

Maverick66 Tue 06-Jun-17 20:36:54

Definetely a bullshitter.
Though he probably doesn't even realise himself.
He probably is a good talker and talks himself into jobs he is not capable of doing

AndBandPlayedScotlandTheBrave Tue 06-Jun-17 20:53:42

he got angry with me telling me that i can not support him and that i will always support those who are bad to him
See how he has set this up? Or rather how he is setting you up? He has made the announcement of what you think and how you act...for one thing. Another thing is his anger to keep you in your place: do not challenge or question him .

I have found that boastful people rarely have the goods to back up their bloviating. The functioning talent won't boast as they don't need to.

Skip the divorce and don't marry him in the first place.

choli Tue 06-Jun-17 21:17:29

Skip the divorce and don't marry him in the first place.

Best advice on the thread!

Offred Tue 06-Jun-17 21:25:39

I'm sure this seems confusing from the inside of it but it is really not confusing from the outside.

He has an inherent personality issue that causes him to mess up his own life and blame everyone but him for it.

If you marry him you will effectively be agreeing to be responsible for him forever AND take the blame for everything he does to himself.

Don't do that to yourself.

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