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Has anyone dated when they are fat?

(85 Posts)
SilverdaleGlen Tue 06-Jun-17 00:02:34

My last "date" was when I was a 18yo bitty, with a body I hated and would now kill for.

Kids and divorce later and I'm fat, size 16-18 with large boobs that head southwards, all weight on tummy and thighs. I can look good dressed, I have the chat, I have a handsome (wouldn't say pretty!) face but if I got undressed it all goes horribly wrong.

Someone want a date from an online app, what if they turn around and go "fuck me Jabba" and run?

So anyone been fat and still dated! How do you get past having an old lady body. I will join the gym but I'm not expecting miracles. Am I doomed?

SilverdaleGlen Tue 06-Jun-17 00:02:55

*hotty not bitty hmm

Mintychoc1 Tue 06-Jun-17 00:04:32

You know men's bodies change as they get older too, don't you? None of us have the body we had as a teen.

SilverdaleGlen Tue 06-Jun-17 00:06:28

Yes but divorced men all appear to take up cycling and going to the gym and look all lean and toned. Divorced women don't have the time as they get the kids and spend their time eating chicken nugget leftovers, swigging gin and bemoaning their once pert boobs.

I may not may not be generalising

user1486956786 Tue 06-Jun-17 00:06:54

Agree with the above. And also they've probably come out of relationships with women who have had kids etc. too.

I think with online dating just be honest with your photos.

user1486956786 Tue 06-Jun-17 00:08:56

Also have you tried different underwear styles ? Can make huge difference how you feel about yourself when near naked :-)

Nostrilflare Tue 06-Jun-17 00:10:06

Don't just do a face shot - I look 5 x better in my photos, 5 x slimmer too blush

Luckily, it's only on instagram and everyone on my friends list knows I'm fat.

I think I'd be running if I saw one of my selfies than saw the rest of me waddling in grin

WetsTheFinger Tue 06-Jun-17 00:10:33

Very soft lighting (or lights off!), lovely underwear and the right man and you'll feel sexy as hell.

SilverdaleGlen Tue 06-Jun-17 00:13:02

Nostril oh my god you are me grin OK I'm going to get someone to take a full length photo and add it to my profile so he has chance to flee.

Underwear hmmm didn't think of that, my pants are not good...

HerOtherHalf Tue 06-Jun-17 00:15:36

Attraction is not all physical and not all men find the size 0 undernourished look attractive. Go for it.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Tue 06-Jun-17 00:16:26

Came across this quote the other day which helped me. "Have you ever known a man who, when in the room with a naked willing woman, has turned and left? No? That's because they've hit the jackpot".

Humans come in all shapes and sizes, it's our imperfections which make us different and interesting. I am bigger than you, also post children with saggy boobs, a C-section flap, and haven't ever had a problem dating. Our clothes don't hide as much as we would like to think, if he's interested in the bar he'll be interested once you get back to the bedroom.

It's a little cliché but a lot of men genuinely do find confidence is sexy. You want to date then dress in something that makes you feel good and rock it and remember, if he's put the effort in to get you to the bedroom, then you have nothing to worry about once there.

Nostrilflare Tue 06-Jun-17 00:17:49

Well they say if you've got it - flaunt it, the only thing I've got to flaunt is an actual jaw line grin

Get someone to take your full length shot from a high angle, so it's as flattering as possible.

16-18 isn't that fat! Good luck and happy man hunting!

keepingonrunning Tue 06-Jun-17 00:24:13

OP I think your GSOH will compensate for any physical imperfections grin

HildaOg Tue 06-Jun-17 00:24:15

Be honest about your weight, age and appearance, have a few different accurate photos including full body shots so they know exactly what they're getting. They'll only run if they turn up expecting a wrinkle free size ten and then turn up to see someone ten years older and twice as wide...

If you're honest about yourself then only men who are interested in you as you are will contact you.

Tearsoffrustration Tue 06-Jun-17 06:54:18

I've done everything in my life fat - my current DP loves my curves (he tells me) grin

Now get out there wink

Mermaidinthesea123 Tue 06-Jun-17 06:57:28

I've never got anywhere dating when fat, I've had to lose a few stone in the past, I can't be arsed now I'm staying single. They don't care about saggy boobs etc they only care about whether you look nice in clothes.
It seems to be a thing. I had an old flame over recently and all he went on about all evening was how much weight I'd put on. I didn't go on about his bald head.

rizlett Tue 06-Jun-17 07:00:07

It's not really about your body though op as bodies are constantly changing. Whilst a man will appreciate whatever he feels makes a 'nice' body he is far far more interested in your personality.

Sounds like you'll be fine!

RandomChocolate8 Tue 06-Jun-17 08:04:29

I have. Started dating after decades long marriage ended. Was very nervous about it and utterly terrified at the idea of someone new seeing me naked.
First time, I was nervous but he was so obviously pleased and enthusiastic despite my extreme wobbly bits and stretch marks that it actually gave me a huge ego boost instead grin
That one didn't last and I've been dating on and off for the last few years with no problems on the weight side.
I would say though to make sure you have a realistic full length pic so no one's surprised and you only end up on dates with men who already know you're overweight and don't have a problem with it.
Good luck OP 😊

Cherenkov Tue 06-Jun-17 08:46:18

A man's point of view, attraction is 90% in the mind. It's about your personality, your smile and your eyes, not what's below your shoulder line.

I'm not saying that men don't look at models, but most of them are driven more by what's in their head than in their pants.

Get out there, be confident and enjoy yourself.

ravenmum Tue 06-Jun-17 09:02:00

One man's point of view, other views also available.

nctime Tue 06-Jun-17 09:08:14

I'm currently dating a 22 stone man and as a slim person, it doesn't bother me at all.

ravenmum Tue 06-Jun-17 09:23:05

Personally I prefer a man with a bit of meat on him, but I have heard from some men that they avoid larger women. Perhaps they are just saying it to me as some sort of supposed compliment, as I'm relatively slim. Instant turnoff, though.

Dieu Tue 06-Jun-17 09:25:10

I am fat and currently dating. The men I've met are very nice and normal, and can't get enough. None of them have been put off so far. Despite my tardiness, I would still put myself in the 'very attractive' category. I am always well dressed, nails done, make up on, I have long naturally blonde hair, and good boobs. I am also nearly 43 years old.
I am done with living under the cloud of low confidence/self-esteem. I am a good example of how you don't have to be skinny to be considered desirable.
I should add though, that the thought of them seeing me with my kit off is a very daunting one indeed grin
Go for it!

Dieu Tue 06-Jun-17 09:26:24

FFS, tardiness was meant to read 'lardyness'. Although I'm not the most punctual person, so it is kind of apt!

LesisMiserable Tue 06-Jun-17 09:31:37

You yourself know if you're comfortable in your skin and thats what makes you attractive. I'm small and curvy - at size 14 I'm comfortable and feel sexy - and thats when I met my stbh , now two and half years in at size 16, I'm most definitely not and hitting the slim fast. If you're comfy go for it, if you're not address it. You need to fancy yourself first.

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