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How long did it take you to rebuild yourself after leaving a horrible relationship? I'm a bit stuck

(14 Posts)
Teabay Mon 05-Jun-17 18:19:57

I told exh he was a mean bstrd in Jan 16, he went to three marriage counseling sessions then stopped saying they were a waste of time. Lots more horrible sht happened.
I filed for divorce March 2016, divorce finalised Nov 2016 and now I'm in new house with DC, he kept the old.
I don't miss him, don't think about him, am relieved that I'm not controlled by him and feel lighter, but I still feel a bit broken.
What's that all about? Anyone any thoughts? Will I come back?!?

Chasingsquirrels Mon 05-Jun-17 18:24:29

You will, but it takes time.
Different scenarios for me but my exH ended our marriage after 17 years and it took me getting on for a year to feel normal again.
I'm back there again after DH died a couple of months ago - having just written about said year after exH it's made me realise I'm currently being somewhat hard on myself, exH and I had been together longer but had undoubtedly grown apart and weren't happy whereas DH and I couldn't have been closer and happier.

antimatter Mon 05-Jun-17 18:27:22

It took me over 5 years to feel like myself again but I am still in the marital home. We need to sort everything out about finances. We still hold the mortgage together and aren't divorced but it doesn't bother me at all.

I think that with any long term relationship it tales years to get over it.

noego Mon 05-Jun-17 19:09:00

When you turn the page and start a new chapter. Forget the past. Drop any old habits. Live life as you want. Its one thing being physically free but a different story being psychologically free.

Teabay Mon 05-Jun-17 19:29:06

noego hmm

CleopatraTheCatLover Mon 05-Jun-17 19:30:55

In all honesty about 7 years.

Barbaro Mon 05-Jun-17 20:27:37

3 years for me. In a new relationship now and at times it feels weird but I know its me its not him.

Calyx72 Mon 05-Jun-17 20:35:15

1 year to feel like myself and another to feel like I was comfortable and happy living by myself.

prettywhiteguitar Mon 05-Jun-17 20:41:18

1 year keeping it together and moving on, the next year I was very angry and I had some cbt to deal with it, I'd say by the third year I felt resilient and more like myself.

prettywhiteguitar Mon 05-Jun-17 20:42:45

But I also had other issues going on with an abusive parent and mu other parent died

It was a bit of a shit time ! If you met me now you would never know

user1487175389 Mon 05-Jun-17 20:47:53

Three years and I'm still waiting. But the finances have been an ongoing battle as has the divorce. And my parents have taken this opportunity to kick me when I'm down and my siblings have followed suit. And my dcs range from nursery to year 6. And I lost my job. So it's not really surprising it's taken me longer than most to move on. I'm getting there though.

Frith2013 Mon 05-Jun-17 20:48:47

I've had 5 long term relationships, 2 abusive and 1 so lethal I had to live in a women's refuge for weeks.

They took 2 years, 3 years, a couple days, 2 years to get over. The last one (not the truly awful one!) is 5 years and counting. :-( I just can't keep getting back to normal yet again and will never have another partner.

akaWisey Mon 05-Jun-17 20:57:19

Yes, I'm another who is 6 years post divorce and I'm still not quite there and don't know when I will be. Doesn't stop me from having good experiences but deep down I'm still grieving.

noego Tue 06-Jun-17 08:17:55

Being physically free is one thing. You can come and go and do what you please without answering to anybody.
Psychologically free is something else. I knew a woman who left a LTR EA relationship after 15 years. She would still vacuum and tidy the house at 4.00 and have dinner on the table for 6.30. This was a habit she had , had ingrained in her by her EAex. The sad thing about his is that she did not realise she was doing it until it was pointed out to her. It was a huge realisation that subconsciously she was still under the influence of EAex. Once she had the realisation she did some self inquiry and found that she was doing a number of things subconsciously and those things were holding her back. So now she is psychologically free she is a lot happier and REALLY does what she wants to do.

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