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Who is right?...

(8 Posts)
backwardnames Sun 04-Jun-17 23:22:04

I have been posting a lot recently about my relationship with partner. I just need to get some perspective on this.

Basically, my family haven't liked DH for a long time. They are very different people and come from really different backgrounds. My family (mum, sister and dad) keep on telling me that DH is abusive. Their reasons are that in the past he has put me down in front of the children and other family members (which he now realises is wrong and is rectifying); I have always had to take the lead on childcare and housework (in saying this he works full time, gardens and takes the children out once a week) and on one occasion when I was really ill he refused to take time off work to help me out.

Lastly, I made the mistake of telling him about a colleague at work who made (more than one) pass at me at two separate work functions. He is now obsessed with the fact that I might shag this guy even though I have made it clear I don't want anything to happen. On top of this, we almost never have sex -last time was a year ago.

We are now attending counselling together to sort out our differences. The counsellor has never said that she thinks he is abusive and I can see how hard he is trying to put things right but quite frankly I don't want to waste time with counselling if the minute it is over, I am back to square one and am utterly miserable again.

Schooliskillingme Sun 04-Jun-17 23:26:33

uk.news.yahoo.com/you-can-get-ptsd-from-1332555794948150.htm
Try reading this, OP

Schooliskillingme Sun 04-Jun-17 23:28:10

www.yourtango.com/2015276377/you-can-get-PTSD-from-psychologically-abusive-relationships
This link might work.

It describes the DRIP, DRIP, DRIP....

josuk Mon 05-Jun-17 00:32:02

Is it really about who is right????!!!
Isn't it more about how you feel about him and you two together.

It's hard to tell from this.
What do you feel? Do you want to be with him? Is there anything in this relationship that makes you happy?

backwardnames Mon 05-Jun-17 08:07:08

If he wasn't making so much effort now to put things right I would have left him. I haven't been happy but I feel I need to give it one final shot for the children.

backwardnames Mon 05-Jun-17 08:07:18

If he wasn't making so much effort now to put things right I would have left him. I haven't been happy but I feel I need to give it one final shot for the children.

CircleofWillis Mon 05-Jun-17 08:14:09

Just make sure he is really trying to make things right and not just pretending for appearance's sake. Do his actions match his words? If not that could explain your feelings of confusion about your relationship.

Wallywobbles Mon 05-Jun-17 08:16:04

A wise friend of mine told me that sometimes we need to go to the end of the line in a relationship. Then we have no doubts that we are doing the right thing. I suspect you are there. But....write a list of what you want. Add some deadlines.

In your situation I'd sort yourself out as if it's over if you want to save yourself some time. (See a lawyer, get your paperwork sorted, details of mortgages, loans, pensions, bank accounts, pay slips.) You will be better informed and wiser and no worse of for that.

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