My partner can start over anything. Literally anything. I think he can now tell i'm trying to get out of the relationship and so he's ramping up the abuse. I suffer BADLY with anxiety and a severe phobia of being alone (comes from things that happened in my childhood). I have been trying to make friends as the only one I ever had gave up on me. He always find a way to isolate me completely. I have no friends in this area, cant drive, cant walk very far. In the last month he has tortured me, every two days on average by leaving me in the middle of the night when he knows I have no one to talk to, wont be able to sleep because i'm so upset and will sit shaking in terror for hours until its light enough for me to take a short walk to clear my head. Then he also knows I will be so sleep deprived I wont think straight and he'll say things like i'm lazy because I sleep in the day, i'm not doing my housework etc etc.
So here's an example: Today we were discussing what i'd do with the garden, everything was fine, normal. We were all watching tv later, I was hungry (have only just started eating again two days ago, I lose my appetite when im upset). I asked him and the three kids if they wanted a snack, they all said no. Then he said "oh hang on, what are you having?" I said cheese on toast. He said he'd have some. I went and did it, I have worcs sauce on mine while its cooking, he has ketchup on his when its done. I put his at the back where it cooks quicker (common sense, the cook eats last). It was slightly burnt on two corners. Stupid me...I didn't think it would matter. I gave it to him and made a daft joke about moms home cooking (taking the piss out of myself). He said "I'm not bloody eating THAT". Point blank refused. I offered to cut the burnt bits off, nope. So I went back into the kitchen, put ketchup on mine which was now done and took it in. Despite originally refusing it, he had eaten one whole cheese on toast. Refused mine saying it was too much. I told him, it was no use to me now as I don't like ketchup. He still refused so I threw it in the bin thinking "ok act like a child, I'll treat you like one". I sat down. "Where's yours?" He said. I replied I wasn't hungry anymore (as he well knew, I can't eat when i'm upset). He angrily got up and started slicing cheese in the kitchen. I went in and just said "look it doesn't matter im not hungry now, just eat yours". He threw the knife across the kitchen and wouldn't eat the rest of his. So I threw that away too.
By this time i'm in tears and he starts telling me he knew this would happen, that i'd cause a row after he'd helped me clean and taken me shopping. That he didn't WANT food and i'd forced him, he was sick of me, I was selfish etc etc. Then he packed his things and left.
I can't figure out what i'm doing wrong...all I did was slightly burn the corners of some toast. How on earth can that cause such a huge row? Im pretty sure most of us have burnt food at some time or other, my kids just laugh when I have a kitchen fail which is what me and dd were doing, until he kicked off over it. He does not have the ability to laugh at life, or laugh at himself like I do. My life is a misery with him, and a lonely anxious misery without him. I just...don't get it....how can that make someone so angry?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Not sure how much more I can take before I lose the plot completely.
BarelyHere · 03/06/2017 03:47
First this 
Are you on your own now? It sounds as if you need some support. Do you have any family?
I also just fully read your post about your anxiety.
I was there once. I would have 5 to10 panic attacks every day.
I had panic attacks thinking about being alone.
I also panciked about going out in public.
I panicked if people talked to me.
But i also panicked if people didnt because I felt like I was some kind of weirdo noone wanted to socialise with.
As soon as I left my cunt of an exh, I found the panic attacks reduced massively.
Through some therapy and self help I realised that the reason I was afraid of being alone was because he was drilling into my head that i 'couldn't cope' on my own. I worried about going out in public and talking to people because I was not allowed friends or acquaintances. If I spoke to anyone I was reprimanded. If I kept quiet when I 'should' talk to someone I was reprimanded. It was a lose/lose situation.
Anxiety becomes far easier to deal with when you cut off the source.
be strong.
He does control things darling. He controls your mind, he creates anxiety in you, he creates an atmosphere which he knows mentally tortures you.
I'd put money on if you do not let that abusive turd back in your life, AT ALL, you will start to feel better very quickly.
You don't like being alone, he likes you feeling alone. He's feeding your anxiety.
We are always here for you, and if you're rid of him, you are free to come here whenever you like, you feel anxious or lonely.
So....hand hold here. Start mending, today.
Are they his children op? 
for you. You're not alone you have us.
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I have been on the receiving end of what started as an emotionally abusive relationship, which then progressed to a physically abusive relationship.
I can hands down say that the easiest thing to get over was the physical abuse.
Bruises/cuts/bones heal relatively quickly.
The emotional trauma takes a LOT more time.
Please call Womens Aid for advice. You need him out of your life.
And I second what Polly said....remember what YOU have and what is YOURS! DON'T let him drag you down!
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