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Lonely and terribly unhappy

(10 Posts)
MrsD79 Wed 31-May-17 15:57:23

It's nothing new but has been like this my entire life. My mum and I barely talk. We can literally sit in the same room and not speak at all. If she speaks its about other people. She will never ask me anything. How I am. Why I am so sad. Just nothing. She'll always tell me to loose weight and that's it. I know i need to loose weight - i wear a 14/16. Till this day I struggle to recall a time when she has ever said "I love you or you look nice" or anything to that effect. It really saddens me. Am I just being silly?? I fantasized about the relationships other girls and their mom's have. Talk everyday. Don't stop talking. Laughing. Shopping. Secrets. Advice. Best friends. I'm 38 and have 2 small kids. Whenever she comes to visit my kids I feel really upset and even more lonely. I guess it brings it all to the surface. She just kinda ignores me and plays with the kids. I know she only comes to see them. I just wonder why out of all 4 children I am the most 'shelved' one. I always have a long cry after she leaves. We can go weeks without any communication. I just don't get it. I often forget I have a mother. My dad died 12 years ago. She never speaks about him just that we shouldn't remember the dead. She had a go at me because my daughter's middle name is my dad's name. She said I should forget him. I found it most bizarre and just walked out the room. I've lost track of this conversation but the bottom line is we have no relationship and I find that hard to deal with.

mummytime Thu 01-Jun-17 07:43:36

Umm this might do better in relationships than here which is really for genealogy.

QuinoaKeen Thu 01-Jun-17 07:54:04

Sounds grim OP.
If you look on the Relationship Board there is a thread called Stately Homes which may help you. It's about relationships with parents.

Do you have a good friendship group or partner to support you?

Also, I think it's lovely your DC has your father's name flowers

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 01-Jun-17 08:38:49

Hello OP, we're just moving your thread over to Relationships as we think you'll find the advice and support you're looking for over there. flowers

noego Thu 01-Jun-17 13:18:09

Perhaps its time for a change in direction. Instead of going towards her and wanting a relationship, go the other way and right it off. She is obviously abusing you for some reason. Did you have a good relationship with your Dad? If so she might have had a jealous streak.

junebirthdaygirl Thu 01-Jun-17 21:14:28

Depression comes out of the gap between reality and fantasy. You have a fantasy of the perfect mother but the reality is for whatever reason she is none of these things. Just accept that. She is not going to change. She sounds emotionally stunted. Just stop looking to her. Find what you need elsewhere..You may find when you expect nothing from her the pain will go. Let her off to play with the dc. See it as a break for you.

Whatalready Thu 01-Jun-17 21:41:46

I understand you OP.
My mother was neglectful, hurtful and selfish. Endless list of dreadful things she did to us all. She finally left home and didn't look back unless it was to attend a big event in my life. Your mum is crushing your self confidence. Mine made me angry.
I had this sudden realisation almost as if someone had spoken it in my ear... just because they are family doesn't mean you have to get on. So I stood up to her and told her that I wanted nothing more to do with her. God the feeling was fantastic, as if a weight had been lifted. I put the phone down on her. Just cut her off.
I never regretted it. My children didn't have to endure her behaviour. My life was peaceful.
She later said that she detested me and it didn't bother me at all.
You have a lovely family. Your mother is dragging you down. Cut her loose if she won't behave at least kindly towards you.
She knows perfectly well what she's doing.

MrsD79 Fri 02-Jun-17 00:49:22

Thank you everyone flowers

Isetan Fri 02-Jun-17 08:53:14

It's time to let go of the fantasy and the accept reality.

bluediamonds Fri 02-Jun-17 09:05:24

Hi op!

I kind of agree with isetan! I don't have a great relationship with my mum although we do try.

It must be hard but see it for what it is. Are you a lone parent? I am. My dad passed away 2 years ago and apart from my kids I feel I have no one but I have had to accept it! Your kids are your family now. flowers x

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