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How do I leave the love of my life?

(88 Posts)
iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 15:50:13

Just that really, I have been with my current partner for 9 months. He came into my life straight after a messy divorce and we have both fallen head over heels for each other. However over the last 4 weeks he has pulled away and cut me out. He maintains he loves me and wants to make this work. But he has bipolar 2 and has a history of self sabotage. He fluctuates between wanting to be with me to the point it's all encompassing to not wanting to be with me at all. I love him with all I have within me but I have to find a way to let him go I know this. My children and I deserve stability and not seeing their mother broken on a weekly basis because I think if we have a good few days the relationship is back on track. Only for him to pull away and go cold again. How do you cut out someone when you both love each other deeply. We live a short distance from each other and will probably still bump into each other on a weekly at least basis.

neonrainbow Wed 31-May-17 15:53:12

Love of your life after 9 months? His pissing about is affecting your children? Maybe you should put them first.

Pinkheart5917 Wed 31-May-17 15:56:12

I think saying someone is the love of your life after just 9 months, is possibly moving very quickly!

If the relationship is bad for you and the dc keep seeing you upset then the dc have to come first, so you end it you have no other choice

iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 15:56:41

My children thankfully have been minimally effected by any of this. But I do agree with you that it will only be a matter of time before it does and I know I have to end it once and for all. I'm perhaps asking for advice from others who have left a relationship where there is still a lot of love but you know it must end

NellieFiveBellies Wed 31-May-17 15:58:34

i think you have to love your children more and keep telling yourself that they are vulnerable and deserve their parent making good decisions.

easy to say, i know. hard to do because emotions are not logical.

but love of your life talk is normally infatuation. which needs contact and drama much like a fire needs oxygen. cut off its supply and it dies.

it is a question of head controlling heart.

im sorry that you feel so bad thanks

NellieFiveBellies Wed 31-May-17 15:59:34

more than him i mean, not more as in currently not enough

iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 16:01:53

Thanks nellie. I do love my children more than him. Much more. I think it's just so very hard when there is a mental health issue at play not to try and hold out a little longer and see if he stabilises ifyswim.

forumdonkey Wed 31-May-17 16:05:29

I've been where you are and you have my sympathy because I know how much it hurts but I'm going to be blunt - he doesn't love you, because if he did, he wouldn't treat you like shit and risk losing you.

NellieFiveBellies Wed 31-May-17 16:06:04

do your children have time to wait and see if he stabilises? im guessing not. the more he is in their lives the more potential damage from living with their mother, as you describe, "broken on a weekly basis"

it is an awful situation but it shouldnt be allowed to affect your children.

do you have any support?

QuiteLikely5 Wed 31-May-17 16:06:55

MH issue or not he should be stabilised within nine months or go back to his Dr?

why does he blame his condition on ending the relationship

iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 16:07:48

Yes perhaps you are right perhaps he doesn't love me. Thanks everyone for the reality checks it is helping me to be resolute in my stance!!

iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 16:13:49

His meds have recently been upped and he has been in a depressive period at present. I have researched the condition and apparently it's common for this to happen during a bad depressive stage when they want to be alone. You are right though about my children seeing me crying and down. Up until the start of may he was THE best kindest and most attentive person in the world so I guess that's why I have hope that it can be OK in a short while.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Wed 31-May-17 16:15:00

Love isn't enough on its own to make a relationship work sadly. Better/easier to end things now than further down the line.

iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 16:22:36

You are right. I know that. We have both been under masses of stress since we met to be honest and he helped me through some of the worst times in my life so maybe he has already fulfilled his role and I should accept it's done. Would any of you stick by someone if they had a mental health issue and were trying to stabilise themselves or am I being blind??

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Wed 31-May-17 16:25:15

Birds I mean this with kindness and you probably know, but you can't fix him. Only he and the doctors can. If you persevere, you are signing up for a lifetime of this, not just for you, but your DC. Love needs to be worked at, but shouldn't be a battle. Also I think there may be a bit of re bound going on.

SweetLuck Wed 31-May-17 16:26:00

You should not be allowing your children to see you cry about this man. They must be so scared. They are only recently out of a messy divorce, and now this. Please end this relationship.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Wed 31-May-17 16:27:57

End it OP, you have yet to meet the love of your life.
Unfortunately, you cannot make this relationship better.
Make a clean break, and be relaxed and happy, with your lovely children.💐

Mummmy2017 Wed 31-May-17 16:30:06

You have to look at it as the end, and never turn back, and give yourself time to grieve over what could have been, it's not easy but it is for the best, delete his number and find fun things to do with the kids.

iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 16:30:16

I'm sure it's not a rebound relationship. It is very much more however I take your comments on board ohwhat and I seriously need to reassess what I want from life and if he will EVER be able to provide me with the stability myself and kids deserve. I have always maintained that I would rather be alone than unhappy in a relationship and I had no qualms walking away from my ex husband who I'd been with for decades because it had become unhappy.

TempusEedjit Wed 31-May-17 16:30:27

No, not with children in the mix. The longer you wait the more emotionally attached you'll become. And mental health issues can often return. Unless your DC are about to fly the nest you don't have the luxury of waiting this one out.

FreeNiki Wed 31-May-17 16:31:36

Love of your life after 8 months seeing as he cut you out a month ago.

He is not worth it

Hermonie2016 Wed 31-May-17 16:33:02

From an outside view it's hard to figure why you are so keen to stay with a man who will damage your own mental health in the long term.When you have dcs you have to consider the impact on them and do you really have spare emotional resources to give this man?

It might be worth asking yourself if you are a rescuer and he is fulfilling some need in you.

You mention you only just came out of a marriage, how long were you single?
If we do not allow sufficient time to grieve we often transfer one loss onto another so your grief at ending this relationship could reflect other losses in your life.

Could you be used to drama in relationships and this is your norm, whereas to outsiders it seems crazy.

iknowwhythecagedbirdsings Wed 31-May-17 16:33:31

Thank-you everyone xx my friends are all saying I should give him some space. But then I guess it really HAS come out of nowhere his sudden change in his temperament. So they are shell-shocked too smile

CotswoldStrife Wed 31-May-17 16:33:42

9 months? And during this time you've been a crying wreck in front of your children? You seem to be hooked on what you perceive as the 'drama' of it all, I bet your friends don't see it like that. Gather your dignity and protect yourself and your children.

MikeUniformMike Wed 31-May-17 16:34:53

Move on.

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