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What would you do? Knowing a relationship was abusive but feeling unable to leave it?

(4 Posts)
thelastdayinmay Wed 31-May-17 09:36:09

What advice would you give to a friend in this situation? If they were clearly going through abuse but they wouldn't leave and you don't think they ever will?

Collidascope Wed 31-May-17 10:13:04

Can you give anymore details?
Are there children involved? What kind of abuse? Does she have supportive family nearby? What's her financial situation? Why is she refusing to leave?

thelastdayinmay Wed 31-May-17 10:23:13

No family at all: came from a very abusive background, father now in prison, terrified of him and mum.
Yes, preschool children involved.
No access to money.

Collidascope Wed 31-May-17 11:09:27

If there's a chance the children are being abused too, you should ring social services. Is the abuse physical?
Beyond that, it's hard to say without more details. Perhaps suggest she do the Freedom Program online.
Has she ever rung Women's Aid?
I'd encourage her to squirrel away any money that she can. Presumably he gives her some money for household stuff? Even if she doesn't want to leave now, it might seem less of a scary mountain to climb if she's got even a small amount of savings hidden away.
The same with birth certificates. If she did ever need to leave suddenly, she should know where they are so she can grab them and go.
Help her find out if she'd be entitled to benefits if she did leave.
It might be that if she has a plan and knows that there is help for her, she'll feel less trapped with him.
I imagine someone who knows more about this will be along soon to give better advice than I have.

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