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His stinginess has killed off our relationship!!

(109 Posts)
Amarielle Wed 31-May-17 05:29:19

Dear All,

I need advice.

I am in a relationship with a very stingy man, everything else seems ok from the beginning, except that his stinginess is starting to affect our relationship. The stinginess has really put me off the man, last night I refused to eat a meal together. I am generous and I have my standards. I am not young and life is too short to save 1p on bread or walk across town to look for bargains. It's the opportunity costs, energy and time involved in looking at saving 1p here or there.

The previous night, he had visited a friend's house, only to bring their stale bread back instead of buying a fresh bread (they were going to throw it away). He has told me that money was not a problem - obviously, money is a problem or he would have bought a shop owned brand instead of bringing back a mouldy and stale bread

The man will not spend money on food but he is not shy to eat the food that I have bought and cooked, I have sat him down and had a conversation that he should contribute his share towards shopping. He told me that he prefer to do the shopping and that I should write everything down, but as I do most of the cooking, I pointed out that he should give me his share so I can do a weekly shopping, he refused.

Three days ago, he texted and asked if I wanted anything, I gave him a list but he told me that his bag was too small, he was on the other side of town. Sainsbury's is five minutes walk from my house and I prefer to shop in Sainsbury's because I believe in shopping local. He has refused to do a weekly shopping in Sainsbury's because it's too expensive!

Thank God, the long weekend is over. I will do as much as possible to avoid spending time together. This is because it does not feel like home, I am resentful that I have to pay for everything.

Is there anything worst than a stingy man? Why is it that stingy people want to eat and drink well as long as it's at other people's expense?

I am sorry for the rant!

Blacksheep78 Wed 31-May-17 05:32:24


HuckfromScandal Wed 31-May-17 05:34:39

So end it????

finnmcool Wed 31-May-17 05:36:21

Get rid. Life is too short.

Shoxfordian Wed 31-May-17 05:38:01

How long have you been together? It sounds like you're incompatible when it comes to money which will make life difficult in the long term

PedaloBar Wed 31-May-17 05:45:14

Oh goodness that sounds really awful. He's taking the piss - this is far more than lack of compatibility - and I think it's time to end it.

Will he go quietly, assuming it's your house?

Columbine1 Wed 31-May-17 05:48:10

You are right that there is no way you should have to live like this. Has he moved in with you? Then you have to tell him to leave

Faithless12 Wed 31-May-17 05:49:48

I fail to see how shopping at Sainsbury's is buying local but that is missing the point. Also Sainsbury's in expensive and I say that as a Waitrose shopper. Anyway, get rid. Why ask if you want/ need anything and then not get what you ask. Although I wonder if he meant ice cream, chocolate or wine not a whole list if it was in the evening.

Ilikepizza Wed 31-May-17 05:51:56

Sainsburys is about 10% more expensive than tesco/asda. Either step up to m&s or save with aldi/lidl

Not helpful, sorry grin

mum11970 Wed 31-May-17 05:59:18

Totally misses point but shopping local means using local independent retailers not the nearest Sainsbury's.

pigeondujour Wed 31-May-17 05:59:57

Think I've gone out with him too. Few things make you feel less amorous. (I would actually be a bit that way inclined too but when it's to that extent it just drains you.) Sainsbury's is crap and expensive anyway.

JeNeSuisPasVotreMiel Wed 31-May-17 06:03:26

Yes, buying your shopping at Sainsburys is not 'shopping local'. Use small independent shops if you want to do that.

However, back to the point. ..was the bread he brought over actually mouldy?

Catherinebee85 Wed 31-May-17 06:05:44

Shop local? I'm not sure sainsburys counts lol.

Anyway. If you're unhappy just leave him. What's the point in moaning? You're not gonna change him.

MakeJam Wed 31-May-17 06:13:28

Mouldy stale bread? What a miser. Had an ex-friend like that. When she asked me and DP round for dinner she had her own bottle of wine in her fridge and didn't want to share it and cooked the most frugal meal. Packet mushroom soup made into a thick sauce and fried liver as I recall. (BOAK)

Rid yourself of this ungenerous mean-spirited parasite.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 31-May-17 06:16:14

Why are you with him?
Why are you not ending this?
What ties do you have to him?

rhinorocks Wed 31-May-17 06:28:28

I prefer to shop in Sainsbury's because I believe in shopping local

You lost me.

Did we have the same bread thread a few weeks ago? Was that you as well?

Bluntness100 Wed 31-May-17 06:30:29

Shopping local means small independent businesses and shops, not large chains.

Agree with the others. End it. Where's the dilemma?

Mermaidinthesea123 Wed 31-May-17 06:32:34

This will definitely kill a relationship and I would not put up with it. He needs to contribute or take a hike.
it seems to be a form of mental illness with some men a bit like OCD my 1st husband being a fine example.

Amarielle Wed 31-May-17 06:40:40

Thank you for the comments. Where I live, Sainsbury's is the only shop and there are no independent shops here except for newsagents, post office, one charity shop, pubs and takeaways.

I shop in Sainsbury's because it's the only supermarket close to me as I do not own a car. I need to travel on the bus to the next town to buy from independent retailers, that's meant two buses and time.

There is no point going to Asda, Tesco or Aldi - I need to take at least 4 buses to get there and back. In a way then, there is actually no saving anything considering the time and energy that it will take

Rhinorocks, the bread thread was not me.

I appreciate the criticisms about Sainsbury's but I have to consider other opportunity costs and energy that it will take me to travel, carry the groceries back on the bus - it's not saving at all

228agreenend Wed 31-May-17 06:41:44

I guess you mean by shopping local you'd rather shop within a five minute walk of your house, rather drive across town. Small stores like this do tend to be more xpensive, but if it works for you.

I'm slightly curious as to how bf and friends got into conversation that they were going to throw out a stale loaf of bread!

Does he live with with you? What happens with bills etc? Dates out etc? Is he stingy with everything, or just food?

Loopytiles Wed 31-May-17 06:42:06

How come he is eating at yours so often?

Amarielle Wed 31-May-17 06:47:23

We live together, he is stingy with everything.

I am not sure how the conversation about throwing the bread came out, however, he brought the bread home and on the table during supper. Most of the bread were mouldy but I am not sure about the rest as I refused to eat any of it

AddToBasket Wed 31-May-17 06:48:40

What is the back story to your relationship? (Not that it really matters - you need to LTB)

Mean with money = just plain mean.

AddToBasket Wed 31-May-17 06:49:17

You live together!!

And you pay for everything?!

purplecoathanger Wed 31-May-17 06:49:33

He's not just mean, he's a freeloader. Get rid and move on.

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