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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Another Boring Prostitute/Husband one :(

675 replies

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 21:40

Opened H's gmail on his laptop totally innocuously to access mine and low and behold there was an email from u k pun tin a registration email from last Monday = (don't want to link back to that scum) As you can imagine, well, I'm shattered. Two dd's, married 2013, together over 10 years. Did some digging and managed to change his password so I could access his account but there is nothing to be seen, he's not participating in any threads at all.

I was hoping there would be a private messaging thing so I could get some cast iron proof of whatever he's engaging in, but nothing, or am I missing something? I came and did some digging here and read a few threads on the subject, saw someone advising to enter username and adultwork into google, another escort site, to find feedback, so I entered his username for the other site, and he has five positive feedback listed from 2013- April 2016 on there.
His account is not active on there though anymore, so I imagine he can easily bullshit that away, though one of the girls is literally a 10 minute from us, the others all in local cities.

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications etc. I want to be able to nail the bastard up to a fucking wall with the evidence when I confront him.

I have taken photos of everything I have found on my phone and will keep them safe until needed.

I logged out of the website I changed the password for and deleted all search history of my snooping. When he tries to log in I doubt he will suspect me, he's likely to brush it off as a glitch or attempted hack or something. He also doesn't know the password to my laptop or phone. Not out of me hiding anything, just well, WE TRUSTED EACH OTHER. What a joke.

We have been having tons of amazing sex recently too. Like, soul joining in love sex. What a dickhead.

Any advice? I'm going to get a full STI exam on Friday morning.

OP posts:

Report

FritzDonovan · 30/05/2017 21:53

You have five positive feedbacks from him using a prostitute. He can't bullshit his way out of that. He's a lying, cheating scumbag. Sorry, OP, I have no more advice than to start the divorce process. You can't trust him not to do something again, after five times!

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 22:01

yeah, totally, but I have nothing linking the adultwork thing to his email or anything. My thinking is he'll say 'well that's not me! Someone has the same username!' Ugh.

I'm starting to feel crushed and weak and exhausted, he'll be home soon.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 30/05/2017 22:03

What are you planning on doing when he comes home?

What a bastard. Sorry this happened to you.

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 22:04

I just realised how ridiculous I sounded saying that. Of course it is him. I want to be in denial and pretend he's just a timewaster or something not as horrendous as the reality.

It is over.

OP posts:

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 22:05

When he gets home tonight? Nothing probably. I need to sit on it and I do not want to start a blazing row when the kids are in bed.

OP posts:

msgrinch · 30/05/2017 22:09

If you can...Pack his shit, lock the door from the inside, get a friend round to sit with you. Leave his stuff outside, get your friend to go if he knocks and tell him "She will talk to you when she's ready". Then cry/rant/think and prepare yourself. I've been there. You'll be ok but it will kill and will take time. He's a ball of shit.

msgrinch · 30/05/2017 22:11

And, ahh I hate to say this, book yourself for a "check", I ended up with chlamydia which was just another kick in the face.

Haffdonga · 30/05/2017 22:12

I'm angry I don't have clear and irrefutable proof of communications

Yes you do. Sorry.

PurpleDaisies · 30/05/2017 22:17

I don't think I could pretend everything was ok knowing my husband had been sleeping with prostitutes.

I would probably pack him a bag and send him to a hotel for the night.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 30/05/2017 22:22

She actually doesn't have proof yet.

When that site hit over here, I made an account for a nosey.

Just because that's his login on that site doesn't mean it is his on the others.

You need more in my opinion.

CookieMonster54 · 30/05/2017 22:58

She actually doesn't have proof yet.

When that site hit over here, I made an account for a nosey.

Just because that's his login on that site doesn't mean it is his on the others.

You need more in my opinion.

What did he get positive feedback for? Having a clever username?

OP, take it from a bloke - this guy used hookers and those hookers let other hookers know that he was a decent sort of chap who was clean and paid up promptly and treated them with respect.

Literally the only explanation is that someone else chose the exact same username as him, used hookers for a three year period, deleted their account, and your poor unlucky bastard of a husband then miraculously chose the same username to register on an adult site without knowing that he was taking the username of a recently retired responsible regular user of prostitutes.

He can pretend that he is quite literally the unluckiest poor sod in the history of poor sods who register on adult sites behind their wifes back, or he can tell you the truth.

On behalf of the rest of us men, give him a good kick in the balls*.

With words, obviously. I am not sanctioning or condoning violence in any way.

FritzDonovan · 30/05/2017 23:25

I'm not really clear - did you just put " username adultworks" in a search and it came up with reviews? Did you try and get into the account for that (presumably his) username and how did you find it was inactive?

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 23:36

Yes, the feedback came up on that site for the same username he has just registered with the new site at. When I clicked on his name another page opened with this 'The requested member was not found or is inactive.' He got locked out of his usual email account after it was hacked and he opened a new one which is what I wandered into today. I'm assuming he can't access his adult work account now because of this and so has moved on.

Thanks so much for your replies everyone, I really appreciate it.

I'm feeling numb.

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 30/05/2017 23:53

Do you have to talk to him tonight - can you not g to bed and sleep (Seeth and plot)

GirlOnATrainToShite · 30/05/2017 23:56

I found out last Monday my OH had slept with a woman off Adult Works.

It's fucking horrific.

OP

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 23:57

Yes that's what I'm going to do @notapizzaeater

OP posts:

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 23:57

Hi Girl what's happening with you?

OP posts:

wotabastard · 30/05/2017 23:59

I feel so sad for my children.

OP posts:

GirlOnATrainToShite · 31/05/2017 00:01

Think the first week is a massive washing machine of emotions

wotabastard · 31/05/2017 00:45

I can feel myself closing down emotionally. I have felt like this before with him over different things but I pushed it all down and continued. I'm scared I'm going to pretend its not happening. I'm scared to blow everything up. Just him registering at that site is enough for me. I don't need the extra evidence. I'm holding out for something I'm not necessarily going to get so I don't have to do anything at all.

I need to blow everything up. I feel like I've been run over. I need to sleep.
Thanks guys. I'll update tomorrow.

OP posts:

DixieFlatline · 31/05/2017 00:47

I don't need the extra evidence. I'm holding out for something I'm not necessarily going to get so I don't have to do anything at all.

No, you don't need any extra evidence. And I would guess that you're holding out for some impossible scenario where he is a different, lovely person who isn't the type to do any of the things that have made you feel like this about him. But he's not that person, and you can't wish him into being that person.

Hope you can get some decent sleep.

wotabastard · 31/05/2017 00:54

I have the dreadful feeling my lovely mother will somehow make this about my weight.

OP posts:

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DixieFlatline · 31/05/2017 00:57

I have the dreadful feeling my lovely mother will somehow make this about my weight.

That sounds like one conversation you can justify skipping altogether. Can you do that? Sounds a bit like you need the Stately Homes threads.

gluteustothemaximus · 31/05/2017 01:11

So sorry OP. What a bastard

Your mother doesn't need to know, especially if she's going to make you feel in any way responsible, which you are not.

Hope you get some sleep. It's so shit. Wishing you strength x

ginswinger · 31/05/2017 01:27

If you want more proof, maybe check the dates for the feedback and see if cash was withdrawn on those dates? I don't know how much it costs but I'm guessing a few quid.

But you don't need this kind of proof though do you? You don't have to be with him if you don't want to.

I am so sorry he's put you in this position xxx

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