I have recently been diagnosed as HIV positive. I am sharing this in an effort to try to help prevent anyone from being in the same situation as me, which is why I have posted in Relationships.
I have obviously nc for this, but have been on MN for a long time. I am late 50s and was married 23 years, mostly unhappily but 2 lovely DDs. After my divorce I took a year to “be me” but when the opportunity arose at the end of last year I dated. We had “the talk”. I explained I hadn’t had sex for 10 years (yes it was truly a crap marriage!) and he explained he had been recently tested for STIs at the local GP as part of a full medical. I know now that some local GPs do not like to actually test for HIV and this should really be normalised along with other STIs. I knew this guy, I know his family – he wasn’t a total stranger.
So we had sex – with a condom initially as I explained I could still get pregnant. He offered to get the snip – he was hoping for something long term, whereas for me, to begin with anyway, it was just a bit of fun with no expectations. I elected to get fitted with the Mirena coil, which would also help with the periods. After this we had unprotected sex.
In January I had an awful sick bug, lasting 10 days during which I could not eat or drink and lost 12 lb. I now know this was seroconversion, which can happen about 1-2 months after becoming infected and normally takes the form of bad flu and/or rash. In March I finished with him and due to dryness/soreness went to get tested. This was diagnosed as Atrophic Vaginitis, normal for women my age, easily treatable, but, please note, can make women more susceptible to becoming infected due to thinning of the vaginal wall. I had STI tests done while I was there and heard just before Easter that I was HIV positive.
I am now on meds (2 weeks) and will be for the rest of my life. I know this will keep it supressed and non infectious and I can lead a normal life, but it is not yet curable. This has totally floored me when I thought my life was starting again, and I have been an emotional wreck. However I have had great support from lovely friends. It has been a very steep learning curve, and I hope to soon stop feeling that this is what defines me and continue with my life. However, in any new relationship I have, I will always have to have “that talk” and for guys in my age group that will be tough.
I would urge anyone thinking of starting a relationship to both go get tested, and be aware there is a window period of about 1 month between being infected and it showing up on any test
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Relationships
Getting back in the saddle and HIV
HIVpos · 30/05/2017 20:04
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