Have been dating my boyfriend for around 8 months. Everything has been pretty good and seemed to get better all the time. Except we have never discussed the direction of our relationship other than that we are enjoying ourselves. We both have kids and our relationship is exclusive. I know I have some issues with my confidence but I work so hard on them to not put them onto another person and tackle things by myself but right now I feel needy and insecure.
I have quite a difficult turbulent past as a child and teenager and recently opened up a little bit to him. Something came up in the media that was a relevant traumatic experience to mine and when he brought up the media coverage, I explained my experience of it. He went so very quiet and didn't know what to say that I ended up apologising for telling him in the first place and that it's all in the past and I am ok now. It was very awkward and I felt uncomfortable for having put him in the position he seemed to feel uncomfortable. We haven't discussed it again and I can't imagine we ever will.
I think this reaction of his opened up an anxious wound inside me that has panicked about how I feel about me, how he might feel and how others view me. A few days later I asked him where he saw our relationship going. This was also during a relevant conversation not out of the blue. He responded that he hadn't really thought about it and that he was just happy how things are. I couldn't really get much more information about this because it was a bit of a closed door in my mind.
After this I have suffered a further crisis of confidence about whether he finds me attractive any more. Firstly I will say I look and weigh slightly less if not exactly the same as I did 8 months ago when we first met. I had noticed that I give him compliments regularly but they are rarely returned or initiated. He also has been very keen to try to get me motivated into exercise and will make comments about food that I eat, like food choices or portion sizes. His response to me was that he wouldn't have sex with me if he didn't fancy me but this did not feel very complimentary exactly.
I get the feeling from him that emotions are a bit annoying and I am doing classic needy behaviour which is an irritating turn off. He doesn't know how to deal with them sometimes and would rather they went away which seems to make matters worse. Something along the line has triggered me from strong independent woman who tries to battle these things and not let them win into feeling confused and doubtful. Am I just needy and need to get a grip. Or is this man just not as invested in me as I imagined?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Losing confidence in myself and us
9 replies
JillCill2 · 30/05/2017 18:23
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.