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How do I stop wanting him?

(8 Posts)
malibuthru Tue 30-May-17 18:19:53

I've been split from exP for about a year. Lots of getting back together, then splitting up. Last time we got back together we both agreed it was the last time. We split, I've kept to my word and not initiated any getting back together type conversations, cut contact as much as possible, for the most part, not even wanted to.

I just seem to go through these highs and lows. Last week I was all excited at some bloke on tinder (nothing happened, not even a message) and this week I've abandoned my jog and am sitting on the grass sobbing (I am due on in fairness) over him. Just wrote a really long (not actually going to send) message to him in my notes. It's actually pathetic.

I really miss him, but when I'm with him, I remember all the reasons we aren't together anymore. I seem to have a real issue with letting go (I have Elsa in my head now).

How do I 'let it go'?

Sorry this is long.

TheNaze73 Tue 30-May-17 18:31:12

I think your OP is quite telling. You seem reliant upon men making you happy.

Maybe some counselling about learning to love yourself may be a good starting point

Shayelle Tue 30-May-17 18:49:38

Its always way worse when youre due on... be kind to yourself and remind yourself you'll feel better in a few days x

AlcoholAndIrony Tue 30-May-17 19:02:40

You just need to keep remembering those reasons you aren't together.

Whenever I kept missing my ex I remembered all the things that broke my heart. Keep thinking of all the times it's never worked.

Write it all down if it helps.

Use this time to hang out with friends, take the holiday you never could. Think about what YOU want.

Lovemusic33 Tue 30-May-17 19:39:03

You need to stop contacting him. Do you have dc together? If not then go no contact. You can't move on when your still messaging him.

malibuthru Tue 30-May-17 20:10:20

We do have a dc together, so can't cut contact completely.

I think there is something in the needing to learn to love myself thing.

I do have a list of reasons why we are not together in my phone, I used to read it every time he popped into my mind, but not read it for a while, maybe I need a refresh.

I've never just walked away from a relationship, had 3 serious relationships and never just had a clean break.

Wolfiefan Tue 30-May-17 20:12:37

You need to build your life around something other than having a partner. It's your life. Not theirs. Be happy by yourself for a while.

Shayelle Wed 31-May-17 12:40:00

A funny thing i do when i have a wobble is look through old photos. When i see images of certain times/places it takes me right back to how very shit i felt when i was with him and how sad i felt when he systematically destroyed the rship and grinding me down. Maybe you could refresh your mind by taking a trip down photo memory lane?! Always works for me smile

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