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How long before introducing new bf to my 3 year old?

(22 Posts)
greeneyedlulu Tue 30-May-17 11:25:50

In the beginning of a new relationship and I have no idea how this works so am in need of advice!

My ex and I broke up when my son was 8 months old so there's no chance of us getting back together. I've just recently started dating a guy who is just wonderful but I don't want to rush introducing him to my son as I'm realistic and it may not work out so therefore would be silly to introduce my son to someone who may not be around for long.

I know of 1 woman who practically moved her new bf in with her and 3 kids after about a month and the thought still makes me cringe as that's just way too soon!!

Advice please!

Girlywurly Tue 30-May-17 11:32:29

I think I'd wait a year or two before introducing anyone to DD, unless she became confused about who I was spending my time with, and I felt that it was important to her to be introduced earlier.

Tearsoffrustration Tue 30-May-17 11:34:24

I waited 5 months with my DS who was 4 at the time

Tearsoffrustration Tue 30-May-17 11:35:25

... This was 2 years ago & they only see each other for a day about every 5 weeks now

TheNaze73 Tue 30-May-17 11:39:55

2-3 years ideally. I think that's fair on everyone & you'll be able to start gaging, whether you are truly suitable

llangennith Tue 30-May-17 11:56:23

2-3 years??!!grin
BF can be introduced to your DS as one of your friends whenever you like. Bringing him into your home as a potential partner is an entirely different issue. Dating is complicated when you have DC but only you will know when the time is right.
Wait a few months at least.

Littlefish Tue 30-May-17 12:12:27

I would say, about a year.

user1486956786 Tue 30-May-17 12:28:56

Just go slowly and introduce as a friend. No need for him to turn up every week, can even just hang out couple times a month and increase as and when it feels ready.

user1486956786 Tue 30-May-17 12:29:36

I wouldn't wait 2-3 years. He needs to have some idea of what life may be like being with a woman with a child.

TupperwareTat Tue 30-May-17 12:31:29

A year

Morewinepleasex Tue 30-May-17 12:33:23

2-3 years!! Whenever you feel is right
Introduce him as you friend first I would say.

Bobbiepin Tue 30-May-17 12:45:03

I don't think you can actually but a definitive time limit on it. You know best how your DS reacts to new people and change. If you feel its too soon then its too soon, simple. When you feel more comfortable about it I don't see the harm in having him around as 'mummy's friend' but maybe not as a boyfriend for a little longer. Good luck with the relationship!

Violetcharlotte Tue 30-May-17 12:56:49

2-3 years? Really?! I'd say it's ok to introduce him after a few months, once you're sure about him and both agree you're in a committed relationship. However I'd just introduce him as a friend, keep it low key and give them a chance to get to know each other. Make sure you have plenty of time with your son without bf though as well.

MaidenMotherCrone Tue 30-May-17 13:04:04

I would say a year minimum and then add to that wait until you have witnessed/experienced him

Have had an argument with him
How he drives in stressful situations
How he treats other women
How he behaves with his friends
How he is with his parents

The list goes on and on but I'd feel my child's welfare trumps a possible relationship.

TempusEedjit Tue 30-May-17 13:20:29

This is catch-22. Too soon is a bad idea for obvious reasons. But too late and it's much harder for either side to walk away if your BF and DS don't get on. You then end up with all the issues you see over on the step parenting board where you're desperately trying to make things work because you're "in love" and the poor child is caught in the middle.

Personally I'd say introduce after 6 months just as a "friend" (assuming you'd seen each other regularly during that time) then as a proper partner after a year or so if it's all going well.

greeneyedlulu Tue 30-May-17 13:44:39

Well at the moment, my son stays with his father one night a week and maybe a whole weekend once a month so that would be when I would see my new boyfriend and I've already explained that this will obviously take time and new boyfriend is fine with that and has said whatever makes me happy is fine with him!! Aww!!
It's just that I don't have any other friends that are or have been in this situation so I have no clue!! I honestly didn't think I'd find anyone else but it seems that once you do stop looking, you find someone!

Tempus I think you're making sense and Maiden my son is my world and goes above anyone and anything first

Chocolatecake12 Tue 30-May-17 13:48:50

I waited about 6 months before introducing my partner to my dcs.
It was a couple of months after that before he stayed the night with them there.
2-3 years is way too long. You need to judge what he's like around children, how he handles having your attention on them and not on him.
You will know when the times right for you personally though.
Hope it all works out for you.

greeneyedlulu Tue 30-May-17 14:27:39

Thanks chocolate smile

MaidenMotherCrone Tue 30-May-17 15:50:00

Op I apologise if you felt I was inferring you don't put your child first. I really wasn't.

I'd try and get past the honeymoon period though, that's when you start to see the real person.

greeneyedlulu Tue 30-May-17 17:40:15

Thank you maiden!
Good tip about the honeymoon period though as we are still grinning like idiots at the moment!! grin

OhDearToby Tue 30-May-17 17:47:58

2-3 years! Bloody hell! I had produced my dd1 a little sister with my new dp by then!

My dd was just turned 3 when I met dp. They actually met by accident about a month in. She was a super reliable sleeper so he came round one evening when she was already in bed to hang out and watch a film. Sods law she woke up feeling ill and wandered into the living room. He was just introduced as a friend though, no big deal. He didn't take on a parenting type role until we lived together 1.5 years later. Fours years later they still get on really well.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Tue 30-May-17 17:50:39

Completely agree with maiden

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