'I'm not getting any younger and neither are you'

[LottieandMia]

So said a man I've been dating.

I'm 36 - I don't want any more children at all. This man is my age and apparently he wants another child before he's 40. This is a thing he has stuck in his mind.

AIBU to think this is a really rude thing to say. I already have 3 children and my youngest is 8. I am just at a point where I can get my career back as dd1 is starting residential school and he wants me to go back to square 1!

[thenightsky]

i don't know if it's 'rude' or it's a message.

He wants a child and you don't.

[NoCureForLove]

Well you can't stop him saying / thinking it, but you don;t have to agree!

[Pallisers]

It is not rude. He is telling you he would like a child before he is much older. Fair enough but if you don't want one you need to tell him straight.

[pinkyredrose]

If you don't want another kid don't have one. If he wants one he'll have to find someone else.

[Pallisers]

And none of us are getting any younger :) That's a fact.

[Snap8TheCat]

No not rude, true isn't it?

You're not compatible though if he wants a child and you don't. It doesn't make either of you right or wrong.

[ChicRock]

Have you been very clear with him that you don't want any more children, or are you stringing him along?

[JK1773]

Not totally unreasonable. It is a fact. If he wants a child and you don't it's game over anyway isn't it?

[Slimthistime]

If you've been clear about not wanting more children, it's a worry.

[toopeoply]

Not rude really. At least he's honest and open enough to tell you he wants another child. Up to you what you do with that information

[SandyY2K]

I agree that it's not rude, it's a fact and it's relevant to him wanting a child.

[Dawnedlightly]

Have you made it crystal clear that you don't want children? If not you're stringing him along.
Stop obsessing about rudeness you sound like a child and have a grown up conversation.

[LottieandMia]

I've told him I don't want any more children and that I am going to be sterilised.

He thinks he can change my mind.

The reason I think it's rude is that why would I feel the need for another child when I already have three?!

[LottieandMia]

It's interesting how people assume I must be stringing him along

[LottieandMia]

I think that what bothers me is that he thinks i don't mean what I say. I have a bad feeling that he feels me being pregnant would put me in a situation where I need him. And that I must want to be on a relationship. I think he feels the need to be married etc but I don't.

[Bigfurcat]

Red flaggy that he "thinks he can change your mind" after you've made it clear. Childbirth is a massive emotional and physical commitment loaded towards the woman (is, YOU) You shouldn't need to get sterilised to "make the point".

Maybe if you were teenage/uni sweethearts there might be room for future negotiation but you have children and another would stretch your emotional/physical/time resources (and quite frankly, if you wanted no children due to wanting more time for yoga and manicures and magazines that would also be fine - you're a human being not a womb on legs)

Show him the door.

[expatinscotland]

Time to move on. He wants another child. You don't. The end.

[LottieandMia]

Yes this is what pisses me off - I'm the one who would have to give everything up and his career would go on as normal.

[LottieandMia]

I'm going to tell him we're not compatible

[Bigfurcat]

Also, I'd not even trust him enough to be intimate with him from this point on. He thinks he's "entitled" to another baby and the domestic services of a wife? Jog on.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

It is a bit rude. It's usually a passive way of saying 'you're getting on a bit'.

You want different things and you need to be clear with each other now. If he's already got children then he'll have to be satisfied with that because you don't want to be his brood mare.

[HeddaGarbled]

The comment about 'not getting any younger' isn't rude IMO.

However, that's irrelevant really. You need to split up. He wants another child, you don't. He thinks he's going to wear you down if he keeps going on about it. That's making you angry.

Lots of people do have extra children when they are in a new relationship so it's not rude of him to have that hope. But it's very worrying that he isn't really listening to you and accepting what you are telling him. Red flag, I think.

[LottieandMia]

Yes it is rude - I feel that when men say this to people they're trying to manipulate- i.e. 'You might not find anyone else so stick with me' and I don't look my age anyway