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'I'm not getting any younger and neither are you'

(86 Posts)
LottieandMia Mon 29-May-17 22:48:08

So said a man I've been dating.

I'm 36 - I don't want any more children at all. This man is my age and apparently he wants another child before he's 40. This is a thing he has stuck in his mind.

AIBU to think this is a really rude thing to say. I already have 3 children and my youngest is 8. I am just at a point where I can get my career back as dd1 is starting residential school and he wants me to go back to square 1!

thenightsky Mon 29-May-17 22:50:14

i don't know if it's 'rude' or it's a message.

He wants a child and you don't.

NoCureForLove Mon 29-May-17 22:50:55

Well you can't stop him saying / thinking it, but you don;t have to agree!

Pallisers Mon 29-May-17 22:51:23

It is not rude. He is telling you he would like a child before he is much older. Fair enough but if you don't want one you need to tell him straight.

pinkyredrose Mon 29-May-17 22:51:28

If you don't want another kid don't have one. If he wants one he'll have to find someone else.

hesterton Mon 29-May-17 22:51:40

He wants a child; you don't. You need to call it a day. Saying you aren't getting any younger isn't really rude - it's true! But irrelevant if you dont8want more dc anyway.

Pallisers Mon 29-May-17 22:51:46

And none of us are getting any younger smile That's a fact.

Snap8TheCat Mon 29-May-17 22:52:27

No not rude, true isn't it?

You're not compatible though if he wants a child and you don't. It doesn't make either of you right or wrong.

ChicRock Mon 29-May-17 22:53:17

Have you been very clear with him that you don't want any more children, or are you stringing him along?

JK1773 Mon 29-May-17 22:53:22

Not totally unreasonable. It is a fact. If he wants a child and you don't it's game over anyway isn't it?

Slimthistime Mon 29-May-17 22:54:27

If you've been clear about not wanting more children, it's a worry.

toopeoply Mon 29-May-17 22:57:26

Not rude really. At least he's honest and open enough to tell you he wants another child. Up to you what you do with that information smile

SandyY2K Mon 29-May-17 22:58:13

I agree that it's not rude, it's a fact and it's relevant to him wanting a child.

Dawnedlightly Mon 29-May-17 23:00:09

Have you made it crystal clear that you don't want children? If not you're stringing him along.
Stop obsessing about rudeness you sound like a child and have a grown up conversation.

LottieandMia Mon 29-May-17 23:03:40

I've told him I don't want any more children and that I am going to be sterilised.

He thinks he can change my mind.

The reason I think it's rude is that why would I feel the need for another child when I already have three?!

LottieandMia Mon 29-May-17 23:04:57

It's interesting how people assume I must be stringing him along hmm

NellieFiveBellies Mon 29-May-17 23:07:28

when you get sterilised he will know you mean exactly what you say! do you have a date for surgery or is it not sorted out yet?
you have been crystal clear. if he doesnt believe you that's his problem. will he end the relationship do you think? if another child is that important to him?

LottieandMia Mon 29-May-17 23:10:44

I think that what bothers me is that he thinks i don't mean what I say. I have a bad feeling that he feels me being pregnant would put me in a situation where I need him. And that I must want to be on a relationship. I think he feels the need to be married etc but I don't.

Bigfurcat Mon 29-May-17 23:13:35

Red flaggy that he "thinks he can change your mind" after you've made it clear. Childbirth is a massive emotional and physical commitment loaded towards the woman (is, YOU) You shouldn't need to get sterilised to "make the point".

Maybe if you were teenage/uni sweethearts there might be room for future negotiation but you have children and another would stretch your emotional/physical/time resources (and quite frankly, if you wanted no children due to wanting more time for yoga and manicures and magazines that would also be fine - you're a human being not a womb on legs)

Show him the door.

expatinscotland Mon 29-May-17 23:13:57

Time to move on. He wants another child. You don't. The end.

LottieandMia Mon 29-May-17 23:14:48

Yes this is what pisses me off - I'm the one who would have to give everything up and his career would go on as normal.

LottieandMia Mon 29-May-17 23:15:20

I'm going to tell him we're not compatible

Bigfurcat Mon 29-May-17 23:15:27

Also, I'd not even trust him enough to be intimate with him from this point on. He thinks he's "entitled" to another baby and the domestic services of a wife? Jog on.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Mon 29-May-17 23:17:37

It is a bit rude. It's usually a passive way of saying 'you're getting on a bit'.

You want different things and you need to be clear with each other now. If he's already got children then he'll have to be satisfied with that because you don't want to be his brood mare.

HeddaGarbled Mon 29-May-17 23:20:00

The comment about 'not getting any younger' isn't rude IMO.

However, that's irrelevant really. You need to split up. He wants another child, you don't. He thinks he's going to wear you down if he keeps going on about it. That's making you angry.

Lots of people do have extra children when they are in a new relationship so it's not rude of him to have that hope. But it's very worrying that he isn't really listening to you and accepting what you are telling him. Red flag, I think.

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