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Am I a bitch?

(6 Posts)
fluffinhell Mon 29-May-17 21:48:34

I'm numb. I don't like my DH anymore. He is too much like hard work. I feel like I have to please him just to have a half decent day!! I have three DCs and they love him but also don't like him much.

He always seems to dampen a good mood by giving out orders to the kids to tidy their rooms. He doesn't sit and speak to them like they are human he dictates to them. Don't get me wrong they need to tidy up but he doesn't have much else to do with them, it's just instructions all the time. He comes home they all vanish upstairs to escape the orders.

He is quite moody but does have a very stressful job and doesn't get much of break as he's a senior manager. I do feel for him there, but home life isn't enjoyable when he's home.

If I have any ideas to do anything he ignores them and will just pretend he doesn't hear me, he does that a lot when I shout him, it's weird and people notice it too. It's embarrassing. He constantly tries to point out how nasty I am to him like he's a victim but I feel like he's the one calling all the shots all the time and I get sick of it. If I dare to object he sees it as a criticism to him.

I have to consider his feelings constantly, the kids make a mess I'm rushing round to tidy cos I don't want him having a go at them about the mess.

I have stopped doing all of this now, and I leave the mess and I ignore his moods and I don't pander to him anymore but now he makes out I'm horrible and sulks cos of it.

I really feel like I need to be free from this, I think there is more to life than living with someone constantly trying to control everything by being passive aggressive.

I have lots of good friends, of course he doesn't like them, he has no friends. My friends don't like him much. He says one of them is a psycho, one is a flirt, one is a slag, one is a swinger... all reasons why we can't socialise with them. He really annoys me.

I just have had enough. I need to break free from this cos I have no time for him. I don't want him to touch me, talk to me or anything!!!

Shoxfordian Mon 29-May-17 21:56:25

Yeah there is definitely more to life than this. He doesn't make you happy and seems really difficult to live with. Can you look into leaving?

isitjustme2017 Tue 30-May-17 09:10:58

God he sounds like my stbxp. There is nothing worse than walking on eggshells and this is what you've been doing. My ex criticizes my friends too and find fault with pretty much everyone I know. He also shouts at the kids too and spends most days complaining and moaning about things.
I also used to run around tidying the house so he didn't have that to complain about (although he usually found something else).
He never suggests doing anything as a family and when I do, he drags himself along under duress.
Our life has been dictated by his moods and that is why, after 16 years, we are separating. I also got to the point you are at. I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him, didn't want him touching me and couldn't stand the sight of him.
This is not a good place to be and will rub off on your kids. I'm sure you don't want them growing up thinking this is a normal, healthy relationship.
What is your situation? Do you jointly own your home? Start getting your things in order and get a consultation with a solicitor.

isitjustme2017 Tue 30-May-17 09:12:00

Oh, and to answer your question.... NO you are NOT a bitch. He is an a-hole.

troodiedoo Tue 30-May-17 09:14:55

Good luck. I hope you manage to leave him and enjoy life with your kids. You should all be able to relax in your own home.

Moussemoose Tue 30-May-17 09:46:56

He is a dick. Of course he blames you. Do you care what he thinks? Do you trust his judgment? Is he right about your friends?
You know right from wrong trust your own judgment and leave him.

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