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Counselling - did it help?

(8 Posts)
Namechanger5432121 Mon 29-May-17 20:25:29

DH and I have been struggling through our relationship for a long while. New house, 2 kids and busy work lives have all contributed but I mainly just think we have forgotten how to have fun and relax with each other. We havent been on holiday for 2 years as we are both self employed and have been building up our businesses as well as renovating a house and have our DD2 so quality time together has been very scarce.

Now we have our weekends back, all we seem to do it bicker and snap at each other over stupid stuff. DD2 is teething and generally hard work at the moment so I am shattered due to approx 3-4 hours broken sleep a night.
DH has a very stressful physical job so is physically drained when he gets in and so we just don't really bother with each other anymore. He is a fab hands on father but we seem to have lost OUR relationship.

I have been through CBT years ago and found it really helped me in that moment and would like to ask DH about couples counselling but I don't know how to go about it without him overreacting and thinking I want to leave him - I don't.

But I just do not enjoy life at the moment My anxiety and depression flares up every now and then and he used to be brilliant and so supportive that it never got too bad before I was back on the right path again but he just doesn't seem to have that connection with me anymore - either that or he just no longer cares.

Have you had counselling and did it help or just make things worse?

Sorry for the long post!!

peppatax Mon 29-May-17 20:26:37

Yes I definitely recommend it, saved our relationship to be honest

Boiing Mon 29-May-17 23:13:50

I've not had it but from friends my impression is it varies sooooo much depending on who the counsellor is. I know one couple where the (clearly incompetent) counsellor just kept asking the bloke what problems he had with his wife then kept nodding along saying 'yep that's terrible she shouldn't do that' - in the end to save their relationship they stopped the counselling! And another lovely couple got divorced 'because our counsellor told us to' - they were v sad about it and very suggestible people, and no competent counsellor would ever tell someone what to do. So um I have heard more bad than good I guess.

Namechanger5432121 Tue 30-May-17 10:12:17

Thanks peppatax. Just out of curiosity, did you go through relate or through independent?

Namechanger5432121 Tue 30-May-17 10:13:57

Thanks boiing that's what I was worried about. Things aren't terrible, no way bad enough to consider seperating, i just wanted to be proactive so that we don't find ourselves in that position in a few years.

peppatax Tue 30-May-17 10:35:57

Through an independent counsellor. Had an initial consultation with Relate and never heard back from them again!

It costs about the same anyway. I think we've been lucky the independent counsellor is very good.

drsholmes Wed 31-May-17 15:41:19

Me and my hubby have been going to counselling separately for 6 weeks and then next week we start going together. It has saved our relationship.
We've had five years of infertility and business stress and moving house stress and just not enough time together - a lot like you I suppose.
We went to relate but it was awful - like a storage cupboard, and the building was in a rough area. And it was £55! More expensive than the lovely lady we are seeing at the moment

Namechanger5432121 Thu 01-Jun-17 14:03:07

Thank you drsholmes.
I will look into local independent people and go from there.

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