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Why do men have to be txxxt's?

(35 Posts)
Rainbowglow Mon 29-May-17 17:52:49

Just on for a rant. I am separated from DH. Recently dipped toe in dating water. Met a man who is divorced with kids. To be honest he was not my usual type in terms of appearance but I enjoyed his company. Been seeing each other for 5 weeks (so v early days). I was clear upfront that whilst I did not want anything serious I did want something respectful and did not want to be messed about. He agreed he wanted the same. Both grown ups in theory. So this weekend after a really good date he went "quiet" and I got the dreaded text saying he had met someone else over the weekend and would be going on a date with her. He went on that I am amazing but she is properly single blah blah blah so it will be a normal relationship. FFS. Oh and he would not want to see us both at the same time. As if!! I think what pissed me off the most was the text. Surely a call was the kind and respectful thing to do. I am ashamed (not ashamed) to say I sent a few texts telling him what a charmless git he is. Anyway...he has predictably "re written our short history" and claims he was always upfront and I am a twisted nutter. Agggghhh. Rant over!

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Mon 29-May-17 17:54:44

I fail too see what he has done wrong. You didnt want anything serious, he found somebody who did and let you know. He didn't lead you along. If you reacted that way via text it is a good job he didn't ring.

Rainbowglow Mon 29-May-17 17:57:22

Well when I say nothing serious we agreed we wanted to see each other exclusively but take our time and we had planned a weekend away.

AgentProvocateur Mon 29-May-17 17:58:16

Agree with KungFuPanda. hmm

AlcoholAndIrony Mon 29-May-17 17:59:36

you didn't want anything serious. He went with it, then found someone who did.
You wanted respectful. He did so by letting you know.
You didn't want to be messed about. He told you he had no intention of seeing you anymore.

The rewrite of history probably comes around because you went off the deep end.
Maybe you're not ready for dating.

Rainbowglow Mon 29-May-17 18:00:11

Thanks both.

OnionKnight Mon 29-May-17 18:02:18

He did nothing wrong, you on the other hand need to calm down.

WinchestersInATardis Mon 29-May-17 18:02:52

Text breakups are standard procedure when it's still in the early days and explicitly not serious, I'm afraid. And I prefer them tbh. Gives me a chance to get my head straight and compose a gracious reply.
Sorry, but you are a bit U. He sounds like he's been honest with you and you can't expect a commitment if you've been explicit about not wanting something serious.
Sorry to hear it though. Having someone end it always feels rubbish. sad

Giraffey1 Mon 29-May-17 18:04:13

Personally I think YABU. You've know each other just five weeks, agreed it wasn't anything serious. He has met someone else he'd like to date and as you'd agreed to see each other exclusively ( bit odd if you weren't being serious about it) he has led you know up front.

HoneyDragon Mon 29-May-17 18:04:45

If he respected and listened to what you wanted and sent the text as you worded it and then you sent several insulting texts you probably did come across as mildly bonkers.

Dating can suck though.

BandeauSally Mon 29-May-17 18:07:08

Agree with others, he did nothing wrong. 5 weeks in he owed you nothing at all. Text is fine for that conversation. You owe him an apology.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Mon 29-May-17 18:08:01

Oh dear. Sorry he's hurt your feelings but I think YABU, for all the above reasons really.

lampshady Mon 29-May-17 18:10:19

At least this way you know it's nothing you've done wrong, he just happened to meet someone with whom he can have the relationship he wants. Also (and sorry for saying this) I wouldn't date anyone separated rather than divorced. Seems messy.

Rainbowglow Mon 29-May-17 18:10:31

I think having been told by my DH he wanted a divorce by text made this text hard to swallow. Onwards and upwards. I have since sent him a message to say sorry for the rant and to wish him well Thanks ladies. Great advice.

BandeauSally Mon 29-May-17 18:22:34

Good for you! We all get a bit caught up in things and react badly at times. You're going through a lot of stress, go easy on yourself and maybe take a wee break from dating.

Rainbowglow Mon 29-May-17 18:31:58

I thought I was ready to date but clearly not. Before he met me he would only hook up with married women as he did not want anything serious. I just enjoyed seeing him. His text about wanting a normal relationship stung as I am properly separated. Have my own house. A really good job. My own money. DH has met someone. Situation with soon to be ex is very amicable so I thought it was "normal". And he also said in his text that he didnt really expect the date with the woman he met to go anywhere and he would get in touch after a week or two. It just felt he was a bit insensitive. But a valuable lesson learnt and no hearts broken.

qualitystreet1 Mon 29-May-17 18:39:49

As someone who was dumped a few weeks ago by text after a 8 month relationship then I do feel for you. Maybe I'm old fashioned in my thinking that face to face or at least a phone call is appropriate.

I too sent a tirade of abuse - if he doesn't want to be with me then fine but to disrespect me by texting after so long together really made my blood boil.

HildaOg Mon 29-May-17 18:44:46

He was honest with you and didn't mess you around. He could have seen both of you at the same time but he didn't. Five weeks in many of us are juggling three or four people on the go because it's just dating at that stage. It's gone American style I suppose.

When he said he wanted a normal relationship, that means he wants something serious now but you don't want anything serious... You're giving mixed messages, claiming you want nothing serious (meaning meaningless fun that you can take or leave) and then getting upset that he's not taking your very new relationship seriously.

Maybe you need some time to decide what you want. Dating a few different men would be a good idea because you can see what's out their while your thinking about what you would like.

HildaOg Mon 29-May-17 18:48:49

And sending abuse for someone being open and honest with you is wrong and abusive. If you want to meet a nice, respectful, kind man then you need to be what you want in others.

Maybe it was rude in the old days but everybody dumps by text now. Especially new 'not serious' relationships.

Ellisandra Mon 29-May-17 19:03:06

Why on earth did you want to casually date someone who likes to sleep with married women? confused is arseholes your thing?

RossGellersteeth Mon 29-May-17 19:52:19

I think you've had a lucky escape...he likes to sleep with married women? Count your blessings and move on.

Rainbowglow Mon 29-May-17 20:12:35

Laughing at the arsehole comment. I think we both sent mixed messages. He has been in touch to say he handled things badly, understood my rant and appreciated my apology. The air is now clear between us and I am pleased. I dont want any bad feelinga. In answer to the comment by one poster that I was offensive - I accept I was wrong to have a go at him but his text came after we had spent a lovely day together and had planned a trip away. I apologised to him. Thank you to everyone for all your comments - it has helped greatly. Modern dating eh.

AgentProvocateur Mon 29-May-17 20:19:15

@Rainbowglow, well done for apologising and taking everyone's comments with stoicism. Dating sounds like a minefiekd these days. All the best flowers

springydaffs Mon 29-May-17 22:53:06

Oh my goodness, you expected integrity from a man who has a history of shagging married women?? Why did you even give him the time of day <mind boggles>

AnyFucker Mon 29-May-17 22:57:12

Choose more wisely next time

A bloke that openly admits to targeting married women ?

Ugh. Sleazy.

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