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Relationship after assault

(10 Posts)
MakeUpGirl Mon 29-May-17 14:21:59

I'm new here and not completely sure what I'm doing so hope this is ok

I'm 31 now and from 23-28 I was in an abusive relationship where I was assaulted physically and sexually for about 4 years. I finally found courage to leave with help from a man I'd met through work when I became pregnant.

I've spent the last 3 years concentrating on raising my daughter and seeing a counsellor.

I've stayed friends with this man and he's been a huge support to me, we've only been in touch via text and phone for 2 years as he's been working elsewhere. Now he's moving back to the area and has suggested that we try a relationship. I care a great deal for him and think we could be good together but I'm so scared and don't know where to start.

Hoping I might find some advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation or some suggestions of how to deal with changing our relationship

Tiredbutnotyetretired Mon 29-May-17 15:37:24

Well if you trust him and believe hes a good man and there is attraction there then why not? Maybe take it slow by going on dates and dont jump in with both feet at first, just see where it leads. Good luck flowers

HildaOg Mon 29-May-17 15:58:41

Is he kind? Does he have a history of positive relationships? What do his exes say about him? You know if he's a good person. Take things slowly, build up the trust and enjoy.

MakeUpGirl Mon 29-May-17 18:00:12

Thank you for your responses. He's been nothing but lovely towards me. He's 10 years older and divorced with 2 children of his own. He's still friendly with his wife, she left him after having an affair but they tried counselling and stayed close for the kids. I've met his kids and they both clearly adore him and there's no problems on the family side.

We were good friends before he moved away and in past 2 years we've become very close. I'd say it's already developed into an emotional relationship and I am definitely attracted to him. We talk almost every day and text a lot.

I struggled a lot after I left my ex and I'm scared of another physical relationship. He's very understanding and is happy to take it as slowly as I want. He hasn't had a proper relationship in the time I've known him and is bound to have expectations. I don't want to hurt him and I don't to ruin what we have now so it's important I get this right

Barbaro Mon 29-May-17 22:30:48

Just start slowly. I was single for 3 years before I met my current boyfriend after my last relationship where he raped me once. I left after that as with that on top of the emotional abuse made me hate him.

My current relationship just started off as friends and we went out on days out to the cinema or for walks and stuff. Eventually built up to more and now we're together. Haven't had sex yet as I'm not ready but he is fine with waiting. It takes me longer to trust someone now but we are getting there. Just don't rush it and have fun. If its not fun dont continue.

JK1773 Mon 29-May-17 22:35:06

It sounds like you're in a form of relationship anyway. Build on that. Spend time together, do fun things. Don't put yourself into any situation whatsoever that you're not 100% comfortable with. Don't put pressure on yourself. You are a survivor and you should be very proud of yourself. Sounds like a very nice man. Have fun flowers

MakeUpGirl Tue 30-May-17 07:16:09

Thanks everyone, your advice and comments really mean a lot. He really is lovely and I definitely do have feelings for him. Going to talk to him tonight and start off slowly just spending time together and enjoying each other's company. See where it leads smile

picklemepopcorn Tue 30-May-17 15:42:38

He hasn't had a proper relationship in the time I've known him and is bound to have expectations.

So he won't mind waiting a little longer until you are comfortable, because he wants it to work for you too.

Shayelle Tue 30-May-17 16:32:46

He sounds lovely and so do you. Wishing you happiness together smile

flumpybear Tue 30-May-17 16:36:03

Good luck, sounds like you need a good man, and sounds like he's one of them 🌹

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