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Confused by workmates behaviour

(15 Posts)
Saltfish Mon 29-May-17 09:50:08

Lately I've become quite confused by my female coworker...we've always had a jokey relationship with a fair bit of laddish horseplay. I figured this was just how she was and was happy to be friends with her and play into it..

As of lately, things have just felt different.
She will push her body up against mine from behind or do things like pull my hair and is constantly touching me to the point where I get irritated which seems to encourage her. Aside from this, she tells me she hates me but then says things like,"we should just date shouldn't we?" It frustrates me because I am actually lesbian and she has a boyfriend. she is not my type at all but I really enjoy her friendship...

It's all very grade school as I am about 9 years older than her. It's also worth mentioning I was interested in a woman who i spoke to her about which she was then quite mean about. She tends to get jealous of other women I am friends with.

I'm just not certain as to how I should approach this situation. I really shouldn't be friends with her should I? confused

Saltfish Mon 29-May-17 19:37:53

No one at all?

mumonashoestring Mon 29-May-17 19:42:29

Utterly bizarre behaviour but if I had to guess I'd say she's either bi-curious or just enjoying having a 'safe' flirting target (bit like those women who flirt outrageously with their doctor or priest). Unfair on you either way.

JennyHolzersGhost Mon 29-May-17 19:42:45

Well she sounds like she's flirting with you. Do you fancy her ? If not then I would back off and give it some space tbh. The work context is problematic. Try and reestablish some professional boundaries.

PushingThru Mon 29-May-17 19:46:38

There's a certain type of straight woman who acts like this, I'm a lesbian and I've seen it before. They've internalised the idea that women's bodies are there to 'consume' & a lesbian will give her sexual affirmation. I'd avoid her. She sounds irritating.

Saltfish Mon 29-May-17 20:13:56

Well I have been single by choice for 3 years and have thoroughly enjoyed it so really not looking for anything. However I am ashamed to say I am enjoying the attention. As I've said before she is the opposite of my type so I don't know where this has come from. Hence my confusion...
I have never tried it on with her..that's a boundary I've always respected with my straight female friends...but it seems to be her making all the moves. She does this to no other women at my work. She has confided in me that her and her DP don't have sex so I'm wondering if she thinks because I am lesbian that it's somehow flirting for her/attention.

I just don't know if I should talk to her or what even to say??? I was in a bad mood the other day and was just getting on with my work so kept myself to myself and largely stayed away from her...cue her flipping out and Giving me the silent treatment for the rest of the night. I love her as a friend but god is she mardy.

CiliatedEpithelium Mon 29-May-17 20:16:11

You are her work (lesbian) wife OP. I think you need to tell her how you feel.

Saltfish Mon 29-May-17 20:18:32

I've always heard the term Work wife but what does it actually mean? I am actually really scared to speak to her..what if I've confused things and it's just her being her? I guess I'm really unsure of myself at the moment..

JK1773 Mon 29-May-17 20:20:36

It sounds to me like she's flirting with you which is totally unfair if she is straight and in a relationship. I'd probably give her some distance

whirlycurly Mon 29-May-17 20:24:26

If she's a good friend I'd wait until she behaves oddly again and just ask her what the deal is.
If not, give her a wide berth. It sounds quite exhausting, particularly at work.

BlessYourCottonSocks Mon 29-May-17 20:26:37

Bizarre and unprofessional. I'd be fucked off if I employed either of you, frankly. Concerned that you only appear to be focused on your work if you are in 'a bad mood'.

You are actually being paid to do this, not play silly mock sexual games with co-workers.

Saltfish Mon 29-May-17 20:30:23

The problem is when I do put some distance between us there is a bad atmosphere created by her..(I work in hospice so need to be at a top functioning level) there is no way I can leave as I am very attached to my patients and they need me.

I think I'm going to pull her to the side and speak to her...what is a non offensive way to say all I've said in this thread without sounding accusatory?? I really do care about her and value her friendship..I just don't want to upset her..:

Saltfish Mon 29-May-17 20:32:21

Ok let me rephrase that...I am always focused on my work however that particular day I chose not to interact with her at all and avoided her. It's kind of hard when someone is in your personal space constantly...

BlessYourCottonSocks Mon 29-May-17 20:41:25

Ok...but I'm even more unhappy if you work in a hospice, tbh. You really need to put your personal life out the way whilst at work. I would be pleasant and neutrally friendly with her during shifts, but not discuss personal issues at all. 'Laddish horseplay' is really not what your patients want to be able to hear going on in the office or anywhere else. And honestly, you do seem a lot more focused on this than your work. I'd be really unhappy if one of my relatives was being cared for in a bad atmosphere caused by the sexual tension between you and your co-worker.

Saltfish Mon 29-May-17 21:04:07

I feel like there is so much background to this its going to be difficult to to not sound like I am back tracking. Management encourages us to be silly with patients. Hospice isn't all doom and gloom and we are told it is ok to become attached and give them affection which isn't typical of a lot of hospices. Think of it as more of a home type setting. However it is worth mentioning the horseplay is not around them and I am usually only engaging in it because I'm trying to stop her/grab her hands not initiated by me EVE. though I am laughing at the same time so maybe not setting a firm boundary for her.

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