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What do you make of this message

(50 Posts)
FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 09:27:14

Ive been seeing someone for a few months in a long distance relationship. He seems to have a lot of female friends and friends who are exs..I went down to see him last week and he saud I could use his ipad to send a message to a mutual friend of ours..he told me hed invited a female friend to stay for the weekend which I was really unhappy about..hes known her on and off for a few years.while I was on messenger a message popped up from her which I couldnt resist reading..it seemed she was cancelling the weekend due to other commitments but invited him to go and stay for a week saying..Ive got a swimming pool and a hot tub ! I felt sick..so scrolled back and saw that they had been messaging on and off for the last few months and in one message theyd arranged a golf weekend back in Feb..which she then cancelled..interestingly it fitted with him then inviting me down for the weekend.
Last week he had sent her a message saying..
I had to ask.you called me up for a night out of the blue many months ago which was great and from your perspective a release.
I hope it wasnt a mistake ?! That aside I absolutely love your company and your company would be very much appreciated right now if only very platonic.
She replied..of course it wasnt a mistake the problem is that you live so far away.
He had replied that it was only 2.5 hours and the following few messages were them arranging her coming to stay..
I challenged him and he accused me of being paranoid saying he slept with her years ago and was just checking that she wasnt put off coming to visit him...hes now arranged a visit up to where he used to live..where she also lives and is claiming its to catch up with old friends...hes pulling my plonker isnt he ? confused

VanillaSugar Mon 29-May-17 09:28:27

Yup. Sorry flowers

rainbowstardrops Mon 29-May-17 09:30:39

Well I wouldn't be very happy with that set-up that's for sure.

Stormwhale Mon 29-May-17 09:33:33

What an arse. He is clearly not committed to being faithful. It would appear he has a few slots to be filled by long distance girlfriends. I would be removing myself from one of those slots.

Hadalifeonce Mon 29-May-17 09:33:48

Sounds like he's keeping all options open!

FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 09:34:06

I knew it deep down..Ive known him for years and caught him as he was coming out of a nasty relationship..I supported him through it and it became more..He has called me every night since and weve spent a lot of time together but he said he wasnt ready for a full blown relationship..he just needed to get his head sorted then it could happen..he has always told me how much he loved me and how much I meant to him and I fell in love with him..I feel pretty devastated..because it seems I was just a place holder until he could get with this woman sad

category12 Mon 29-May-17 09:34:55

He is obviously interested in this woman. Sounds like you were second choice. I would ditch him.

neonrainbow Mon 29-May-17 09:35:07

Yeah he's waiting for an offer from her. You're just an option to him.

FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 09:38:35

sad I think something happened then she blew him out..so he kept me dangling..now he knows shes interested...

TheNaze73 Mon 29-May-17 09:39:06

Sounds like you've been keeping her seat warm. Sorry

HildaOg Mon 29-May-17 09:42:08

He's not that into you if he's chasing other women. You know who he is know. Leave him to it.

FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 09:42:17

So when he said..if only platonic he was fishing to see if she was interested..and shes confirmed she is..Ive been such an idiot ..Ive spent the last few days breaking my heart sad

category12 Mon 29-May-17 09:45:20

Aww. Chin up. Dump him and nurse your wounded feelings a bit. Better to know now.

FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 09:48:50

Its been 8 months and the contact has been daily..very intense..everytime I went to see him he would hold my hand when we went out and tell me how special I was to him..I fell for it all..I fell in love with him and now I feel destroyed sad

FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 09:49:54

Forgot to add we are both in our mid 40s...she is a beautiful succesful photographer...I think he just wants someone to validate him

grungeneverdied Mon 29-May-17 09:54:47

I think it's hard to go back to a platonic friendship once you've been intimate with someone. I think if he's staying in contact with exes and people he's had more then a friendship with he's keeping his options open. He's clearly not committed to your relationship and has no respect for it. Be gone I reckon

FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 09:59:55

That aside..it seems he slept with her while he was with me sad

piggypoo Mon 29-May-17 10:00:35

I very much agree with the other posters who say dump him. He just sounds really immature, and you deserve much better than him. I't awful when you feel you've been treated badly by someone you really like, but they never change, you better off without him!

grungeneverdied Mon 29-May-17 10:01:14

Just get rid of him he's not worth the thought sweet

Loopytiles Mon 29-May-17 10:02:46

If he's that age and behaving like that with women and in relationships he's not a good bet IMO. Plus it sounds like he's not that into you.

MusicToMyEars800 Mon 29-May-17 10:04:37

Get rid, he is an arse, you seem lovely and deserve so much better than what you are getting.

NotHotDogMum Mon 29-May-17 10:08:57

He's keeping all of his options open, and you are one of those options.

Run for the hills.

FourSticks Mon 29-May-17 10:19:53

Thank you..Ive got to find the courage to tell him to bugger off now

Serialweightwatcher Mon 29-May-17 10:20:38

Awww so sorry OP ... he sounds like he is keeping his options open. Not much consolation but I suppose better to find out sooner rather than later flowers

mumofthemonsters808 Mon 29-May-17 10:24:18

He probably doesn't even regard himself as being with you, he's covered himself by the "I don't want a relationship" quote, so he's kept his options open.Yes, he's full on when he's with you, but that type of man can switch affection on and off when it suits. I've fell for this one too.

It doesn't matter if she's a beautiful photographer or the ugliest woman on earth, dont let him make you feel inferior, he does not determine your worthiness.Lick your wounds and move on.

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