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Having a wobble over separation and need a hand hold

(4 Posts)
MerryRealisation Mon 29-May-17 09:00:47

I've posted various times over the last six months. My last post was just over a week ago were I was relieved that after lots of consideration I'd told my husband it was over.
Well a week has gone by and he ignored what we had talked about. Burying his head in the sand. We had a another conversation last night where it all clearly hit home. We talked about him moving out. He accepted its over. He's devastated.
He hasn't treated me well over recent years and before then it was a bit dodgy.
He's always brought me lovely things, we have a lovely house and our two DC have everything they need.
But he has increasing left me to do everything in the house. Everything that needs organising, I do. He comes in from work, eats dinner and goes to bed. He might spend a while on the iPad.
We've had separate bedrooms for at least 12 months due to his snoring which is so awful. He won't go to the doctor despite my begging.
We haven't had sex for 18months, possibly more. I've lost track.
He can never show me affection when I'm upset.
He never takes the initiative for doing things around the house except grass cutting and he does do the washing up and ironing ( which is mostly his shirts and a bit of school uniform).
But he missed out 20 year anniversary. He knew about it just didn't do anything. Even when he saw how much it hurt me, he didn't make it up.
He plays with our DC, but always a bit OTT. Like swinging them around and chasing them. They of course love this! But they do ask to play quieter games which he never focusses on.
I'm unhappy. I want someone who shows they love me. Takes care of me. Of course I can do everything but why should I? He didn't even realise it's half term next week.

BUT, having been through all of this I'm having a major wobble. I feel I'm the bad guy breaking everything up. That I've never given him the chance to change (I'm sure I have though).

Not really sure where I'm going with this. Just feeling really sad and like I'm ruining everything.

MerryRealisation Mon 29-May-17 09:51:30

I'm beginning to wonder if I should just put everyone else's happiness above mine?

But then the flip side of me says that I don't want our DC to grow up thinking this is a normal and acceptable relationship.

I'm torn and I'm hurting sad

Mermaidinthesea123 Mon 29-May-17 09:56:13

Sorry to hear about this, it's always painful when this happens but to be honest I think you have totally done the right thing.
It sounds like he just doesn't care anymore, my ex ignored my 50th and our 15th anniversary and it really hurt.
You DC shouldn't grow up in a loveless household.
once this is over you will be so much happier, will gain new self respect and will feel so much better. The process is always tough but it will soon be over hugs xxx

MerryRealisation Mon 29-May-17 09:59:48

Thank you Mermaid.
It's just so hard. I've focussed for so long on what life could be like I've not thought about the process of getting there. I'm also worried I've rose tinted it.
I'm also worried I've focused on all the negatives as that's what I've wanted to see.

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