I'm writing this hoping for advice on how to move forward with my husband. He's just so emotionally distant, his personality is just non existent these days too. I'm really struggling with him; constantly worrying about whether he's in a good mood. When we are out at a wedding for example, he's the life and soul. It's like he's a totally different person. He's smiling, fun, cracking jokes. I just don't ever see that side of him at home :-(.
His idea of affection too is just to be sexual. I never just get a cuddle, it's always got to have a sexual motive. A grope or an innuendo. I really find myself jealous of couples who can just cuddle and be gentle without it turning into sex or me just saying I don't fancy it right now 100 times.
Most of the time if I speak he will either not respond, or just answer "don't know" or don't mind". It's wearing me down. I'm constantly the one making conversation, sometimes I will deliberately not and we will sit in silence for ages. I can't be bothered anymore. He is just so lifeless. No hobbies, passions, opinions, nothing! I don't think I'm more interesting, funny etc than him it's just I want someone who I can bounce off.
Bit of background, both early thirties and been together since secondary school. Two DC - 3 & 7. Married two years. We are comfortable financially, nice house etc.
Today it all came to a head. I had planned a family day out to a big event happening in London. Arranged months ago, it's a big passion of mine and it involved a lot for the kids too so I thought it would be a winner. But it was a huge flop; 3yo moaned the whole time, 7yo was only interested for about ten minutes then the inevitable "when are we going home" started. Husband just looked like he didn't want to be there. I had a bit of a strop and decided we should just leave after an hour and a half. After months of looking forward to this event, it was just pointless being there. No one was enjoying themselves. DH just wandered around with a face like a slapped arse.
I was upset and silent the whole way home. He didn't ask if I was ok, knowing full well I was tearful. Probably sounds a bit dramatic but it was something I really wanted to do for a change. When we got home, I was still upset, still nothing. He just sits there watching tv with the kids. So I just grab my bag and walk to the local lake and sit and watch. I see all the dads with their kids, making conversation and laughing with their wives/girlfriends. Playing with their kids. I just don't get that? No texts to ask where I am or am I ok. He knew I'd left.
We spoke about it when I got back. he admitted to me that he feels distant from the children because they are hard work. He said he prefers being at work most of the time. He wants to enjoy their company but finds it hard. I'm heartbroken. He said it's nothing to do with our relationship it's just hard at home and everything feels like a chore. I honestly think our children are just normal kids, no behavioural issues apart from the occasional attitude and odd tantrum. To me that's just normal life? Don't get me wrong I love the odd child free evening out etc but I just don't relate to this. He said he feels half the person he used to be.
I don't know what to think. I feel like I'm always his pick me up, desperately trying to create "fun" things to do so he'll bloody cheer up and it's exhausting. He's another person when he's with other people, I've noticed that a long time ago but now he's kind of admitted that he prefers to be away from us I'm just so upset and upset for the children too. He used to be so attached to them.
Just wondering if he sounds depressed, I appreciate his honesty with his feelings it mustn't have been easy to admit them but I don't know how to work through this and what, if anything I can do to make him enjoy his life as a family.
Thanks for reading
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Relationships
Husband is so distant these days
user1471503652 · 28/05/2017 20:18
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