My DP has Aspergers. It was undiagnosed until recently. I've read lots about it, he's read bits - so he sort of gets how impacts him and us, but not fully and doesn't seem interested in a)finding out or b) finding out how my brain works. Before I go on, I'm not saying everybody with Aspergers is like his or that this issue below is because of the Aspergers, I just don't know what to think so I'm including that he has Aspergers, because it MAY be a factor.
So I'm realising now how he doesn't listen to me. We have conversations, reach an agreement on things and then at some point in the future (days, weeks, months) he'll deny saying whatever he did. Deny even having the conversation. This can be for practical issues like him going on a work trip or not, or smaller family issues, or emotional things. There are times when I'm talking, say about a plan for the weekend, and two minutes later he asks me what we're doing at the weekend. The denial isn't usually of any benefit to him. He genuinely can't remember.
Recently his mother was here. She's nice, we get on. He had some very big (very bad) news to tell her that involves me and didn't want to do it. I offered to do it and was told no way. Fine, she's his mother. But then I had 10 days of essentially lying to her, because she doesn't know. After she left, I told him how uncomfortable it made me, how I really hated doing that (in clear, unemotional language). Four days later he's suggesting that we go to stay with his DSis and DBIL when his parents are visiting them! He's still not planning on telling any of them this news either before or during that visit. Like being on my own territory with one relative wasn't bad enough, he wants us to go and stay with them all and have me (and him) lie by omission to them all.
This is one example and it's so big that it's made me think. Sometimes I'm feeling like I'm being gaslighted (and I grew up in a gaslighting household), sometimes downright ignored. I felt like I was going crazy for ages. But he's not manipulative, he doesn't think like that and I've never seen him, ever be manipulative (he's usually too honest if anything - apart from in this situation where he's very afraid of telling them, which is what makes me think).
What is going on?! I'm at a total loss.
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Is it abuse(ive)? Or does his condition mean it's not? Or is it not anyway?
39 replies
SurfacingTrunk · 28/05/2017 07:19
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PartOstrich ·
28/05/2017 09:14
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