Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I want to want sex again , suggestions please

(11 Posts)
user1486956786 Sun 28-May-17 06:20:00

Not sure if appropriate for relationship section?

I feel like I'm not pulling my weight with current sex life. Ive been blaming my DH for not getting me in the mood (in my head) but I think I also need to make an effort to actually get myself in the mood too. We have sex a couple of times a week but I will admit that I'm doing it more for him.

I want to want sex again basically! Like the early days.

Any suggestions? I was contemplating finding a book to read, as I love whenever I have a 'vivid' dream so I know it's still in me somewhere !

donajimena Sun 28-May-17 06:39:38

Do you still fancy him?

GloriaV Sun 28-May-17 06:43:33

Black lace books are aimed at women.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sun 28-May-17 09:53:17

You say
like the early days

If you wanted sex in the early days how did you go about that?

pringlecat Sun 28-May-17 10:01:10

Do you find him attractive? Do you find yourself attractive? (If you feel like you've let yourself go, this will impact on your body confidence.)

How's your health and happiness generally? (If you're not feeling great generally, this can impact on your attitude towards sex.)

Can you have sex without being interrupted (or do you have young DC and/or live with family and find alone time to be a struggle)?

Do you remember what triggered the decline of sex? (Did you have a bad experience, did you have a DC, busy at work, relationship problems...? What made things change?)

Most importantly, how is your relationship? Are things rosy (apart from the lack of sex) or are you arguing over certain things? (It's a cliche but I think it's true that sex for most women, if they don't feel loved, appreciated and happy, it's very hard to want the physical side within a relationship.)

SleepFreeZone Sun 28-May-17 10:03:45

Do you feel sexy in yourself? I find that when I've lost some weight and had time to do some personal grooming I feel desirable and in turn we have more sex. I think it's very much in our heads and if we feel unattractive and undesirable the last thing we want to do is have sex.

lynmilne65 Sun 28-May-17 10:04:33

Chance be a fine thing!!

gingertigercat Sun 28-May-17 10:45:16

If you're on any hormonal contraception then come off if possible. I just came off the pill and my sex drive has come back out of no where and it's shocked me how high it actually is.

Happybunny19 Sun 28-May-17 11:24:39

I agree with gingertigercat my hormone contraception killed my desire. Once I stopped my sex drive returned to normal pretty quickly and now we do it more than ever, and we've been together over two decades.

user1486956786 Sun 28-May-17 11:35:43

Still attracted and very happy. I just have no desire for it and I miss that.

I really hate my job and I think this does make a difference as it really really drains all energy (and happiness) from me in the week. I'm changing jobs at the end of the year so looking forward to that.

I'll look into black lace book suggestion!

TheLegendOfBeans Sun 28-May-17 11:42:03

Stress is the bloody #1 libido killer.

I'd wager it's exactly as you put it; your energy is all going into enduring the working week and you're poleaxed at all other times.

Can you guys afford to take a wee break? Just maybe for a week in the sun? X

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now