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(14 Posts)
Suttymummy Sat 27-May-17 22:51:13

Hi lovelies,

Where do I start?? First I have a confession to make, I have re joined as a new member under a different name from sheer embarrassment. I'm at the end of my teather and really don't know what to do.

I've been with my husband for 10 years, married for 4 with two gorgeous children. We have a great life, a lovely home and get on BUT the lack of sex is killing me!! He is 10 years older than me (I'm 34, he is 44) and since having children the intimate side has dried up.

It's been nearly 1 year now of no sex and quite frankly I'm feeling so crap about myself. It's as if it does t bother him, I have spoken about it so many times but he just seems to bury his head in he sand. It's getting to the stage where I am starting to resent him. My sex drive is quite high and the only thing that has kept me sane this past year is porn! I have lost all my confidence. I feel so lost right now, and just need someone to talk to 😢😢😢

ALaughAMinute Sat 27-May-17 23:35:31

Do you still love each other? Why do you think your husband is refusing to talk?

Suttymummy Sun 28-May-17 00:20:49

I still love him and I'm pretty sure he still loves me. He has always been the really laid back type that never really speaks about what's on his mind. It's as if he is content with how things are. Even when I bring it up he never really responds which just frustrates me. I usually get "what shall we do it try and sort things?" I make suggestions but they never seem to happen. I'm now at the point where I'm sick of being the one to bring it up as I feel like I'm nagging him to be intimate with me and starting to feel like I don't want him to now!!

I'm closing off so much now that it feels like I'm just living with a good friend and although I love him if it wasn't for our two kids I would be considering seperating.

I'm thinking counsiling might help!! 😫

BTG3385 Sun 28-May-17 07:12:19

Counselling won't help unless he sees a problem and actually wants to address it. How is he in other ways? Have you noticed any changes in his mood/behaviour other than this?

beekeeper17 Sun 28-May-17 07:16:48

How was your sex life before this? Do you think he might have a problem sexually e.g.impotence and is too embarrassed to talk about it or seek help?

TheNaze73 Sun 28-May-17 07:17:27

I think counselling as well. Could you not try & getting involved with the porn as a starting point?

Blisss Sun 28-May-17 07:18:24

What would happen if you tried initiating sex. Or tried spicing things up like wore something you know he'd find sexy or offer him a massage and take it from there?

sheepashwap Sun 28-May-17 07:36:06

Might find this discussion interesting.

TDHManchester Sun 28-May-17 08:05:54

Well you are only 34, you shouldnt have to deny yourself sexual pleasure. So if he is not having sex with you then what IS he doing? porn/wanking/escorts/impotence? I am at a loss as to how a man can ignore/deny a woman who clearly wants and needs sex !

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sun 28-May-17 09:35:47

I am at a loss as to how a man can ignore/deny a woman who clearly wants and needs sex !

Would love that to see that being said if roles were reversed.

So because he doesn't want sex you have suggested escorts manchester
Why? Because he's a man? Not all men are horny little things who hump the nearest thing in sight. If this was a man posting, nobody would suggest porn/escorts/wanting for his wife's lack off wanting sex, they'd probably say his whining is why she doesn't want it.

HildaOg Sun 28-May-17 09:43:41

If he doesn't want sex it's either physical/psychological (and too embarrassed to tell you), he's found someone else (so he's a dick) or he's not attracted to you anymore (and doesn't want to hurt you by stating it). Only when you get the why can you move on to fix it.

Men aren't sex robots. They need to have attraction, feel loved and cared for to fuck just like most women do.

You're too young to be condemned to a life of celibacy so sort it out now or ship him out if he won't communicate.

Suttymummy Sun 28-May-17 15:44:43

Hiya, well something really atargnged happened this morning. We had sex and it was initiated by him. Can't actually believe it. It felt quite alien (probably as it's been ages) but it's a step forward. I e always had a higher sex drive but this last year as just been hiddious and confusing because every other area of our marriage is great. He hasn't changed in any other way, always wants to spend time with me so the lack is sex was hard to deal with. I was at a loss last night and started to question whether I could carry on being together.

I'm going to see if we can talk things out tonight once the kids go to bed. He has two weeks off work so plenty of time for us to talk.

I will keep you all posted, thanks for the replies xx

Hidingtonothing Sun 28-May-17 16:09:13

I wonder if he might be more open to talking about it because you DTD this morning? I think sometimes we only raise these things when things are bad which might mean he's already felt defensive when you've tried to talk to him previously. I think there's a chance he might be more receptive today so definitely strike while the iron is hot and open the discussion later.

How you broach it can be key too, I would start by letting him know how much you enjoyed this morning and asking how he thinks you could both make it happen more often. Tell him how much closer you feel to him when you've connected physically and how much you miss that closeness when there's long gaps between.

Me and DH have had similar problems and I get a totally different response from him when the conversation is positive rather than negative so raising it when you're both still on a bit of a high from this morning and making it feel non critical and non confrontational to him might make all the difference.

Good luck, let us know how you get on flowers

Suttymummy Sun 28-May-17 16:14:43

Thanks lovely, I'm feeling maybe I have gone about it all the wrong way when trying to discuss is, initially I was very sensitive whilst trying to bring it up but after a while got fed up and so probably had a go at him more than discussing.

I will treat more carefully and hopefully he will open more. Will keep you posted 😘😘

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