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First argument think it will be our last

(39 Posts)
moonie70 Sat 27-May-17 22:40:36

Six months in first fall out wasn't sure what would happen but it seems ignoring my txt and leaving me hanging is the way he deals with things.
Back story I went to a reunion last week and I had a good night came home told my bf all about the evening . Told him about a guy who thinks he's gods gift and mentioned he was complimenting me on my profile pic and joking about my boobs , it really was banter and he's married .
I would never cheat I'm 100% loyal and I tell my bf all the time how much I love him .
Well a week later he texts to say some friend of his has said I was sat with the guy all night plus dancing and he bought my drinks .
I'm gobsmaked as I've done nothing wrong was sat with my sister all night and then danced in a group.
I reacted by saying Who said such things , and it hurts you don't trust me . He said your not denying it so it makes me think it's true . I then told him I don't have to justify myself to him and if he didn't trust me to leave me alone I'm done . His response ok I'll leave you alone .
Well it's been a few hours and I've not heard anything .
I've deactivated my fb as I'm so over it and my bf is constantly on there more than me and I don't want to live my life through it .
Before I went off line he had changed his profile pic to just him .
How childish is this from a 50 year old bloke .
I didn't realise he has trust issues . It's double standards to question me when he likes profile pics of all his female mates , and some get the wrong impression as one inboxed him last night with a bizarre request of him to help her find a bf and if he had any mates how strange is that .
I'm just so upset that the guy of all these months that's treated me with love and kindness would just act so out of character . I know he loves me he said he sees us together long term and we've never argued . This week he had a wobble and said he was just waiting for me to give him the elbow , I tried to reassure him not sure why he felt this way
I don't know what to do or think my last txt was just me saying we should talk like adults but nothing back .
I have anxiety and he knows how bad I am and he's left me hanging .
I guess action speak louder than words .
So upset at the thought of another failed relationship . So many insecure men especially with FB I hate it sometimes . Glad I'm off it I guess time will tell , sometimes think I'd be better off on my own , I've been through a lot and it takes a lot out of me to give myself to have it all go wrong again . What would you do any one with advise

TheBusThatCouldntSlowDown Sat 27-May-17 22:57:28

Eurgh, insecurity is so offputting, and now it's probably soured your happy memories of the reunion because of his tantrum. You did nothing wrong, were you supposed to ignore everybody at the reunion and sit in a corner with your head down? He is childish (changing his profile picture - cringe!)

At least you found out what a man baby he was after only a few months. It's not you, it's him. flowers

user1471456357 Sat 27-May-17 23:03:34

The problem is after such a short time you can't know if it's out of character.

magoria Sat 27-May-17 23:07:08

Are you sure a friend of his told him this?

He hasn't just made it all up to be able to have a go at you.

Unfortunately, for him, rather than grovel and try and make it up to him you have called him on it.

You don't deserve this six months in. Walk away and find someone else.

moonie70 Sat 27-May-17 23:16:25

Thank you for the replies so not like him at all , yeah maybe he did make it up , how sad is that , I'm am open book not got anything to hide.
Give my past and dealing with insecure men I thought he was different he seemed it .
I've never known a guy be on fb as much as him , it was becoming an issue I made the classic new relationship mistake of posting a lot of days nights out . Feel so stupid now. Will I ever learn , I so wanted it to work .
I'm so upset he's left me to fret and not reply.
I have his clothes at mine and he has a key to my house .
I've given so much in such a short space of time even through his ill health , I feel so stupid and just so sad. People aren't always as they seem are they best behaviour maybe for the first few months then you see the real person after a fall out

Mysteriouscurle Sat 27-May-17 23:17:51

Six months and hes already giving you grief about going out and gaslighting! Run

Pallisers Sat 27-May-17 23:32:52

you dodged a bullet.

Growing up my mother warned me against mean men and jealous men. She was right.

I also think he made it up to have a go at you/see if you would play the game of being controlled by him. Well done you for not doing it.

You'll do better. walk away.

skyzumarubble Sat 27-May-17 23:36:38

He sounds like a prat, sorry op.

jouu Sat 27-May-17 23:38:10

Sorry to hear of this op. Never give too much until you've really had a chance to get to know someone. 1-2 years is really a minimum imo. People take a while to unfold... They don't conceal things deliberately usually, it's just the way folk are. At 6 months in he's only just started to relax... And is now showing a little more of his true character. Which apparently is a bit of an insecure sort of character. Which - hes entitled to but I agree with you it's incredibly unattractive and shouldn't be something you have to take care of for him.

Trouble with most men is they don't learn to take care of their own emotions, they rely on women to do it for them, it's so crap. I've decided I'll never do it again. I have a dp now who isn't like that at all and it's a huge relief. You must stick to your guns and let this guy go, it's the only way to make some space on your life for a better match!

Stay strong, I know you're disappointed but it's for the best that he's shown his true colours early...

Ellisandra Sat 27-May-17 23:39:10

Lucky escape.

I don't think he's being childish to change his profile photo though - you just split up. You dumped him for not trusting you (good move, well done!) and he said he wouldn't contact you. If I had a profile pic of me with my boyfriend on fb, I'd change it straight away if we split up. I'm not a prolific user but I'm on it most days, as are many people who don't have an issue with their use of it. It takes a second to change it. Who would want to have that on their screen when they logged in?

Forget about the profile pic, forget about him. Forget your clothes - they're just clothes - and change your locks. Don't let your anxiety build interpreting his silence as leaving you hanging. He doesn't have that power. He was an arse, you dumped him. Remember that - he doesn't get to leave you hanging, cos you took action. The silence is him dumped.

Congratulate yourself on taking no shit!

Ellisandra Sat 27-May-17 23:41:14

Sorry, it's his clothes at yours not vv.
Stick them in a bag somewhere - it's only polite to return them if requested. But forget about them and charity shop after a month.

moonie70 Sun 28-May-17 00:02:24

Thank you for the replies hurting but I'll be ok , just emotionally invested even in a short time , always think I'll learn I never do . There's other issues to but nothing I didn't think I could handle, lived at home with his mum yeah at soon to be 50 , drives her car , so always based at mine , had some lovely times tho I've known him since I was young , couldn't be on fb now after this as we have so many mutual friends 😕

DraughtyWindow Sun 28-May-17 00:10:57

Yes you can be in FB - just block him and get on with your life! Why should you have to come off FB? Remember, it's up to you how YOU choose to react. flowers

DownTownAbbey Sun 28-May-17 00:13:46

Think of this as a fling. You had fun, weren't compatible, you moved on.

6months is nothing in the great scheme of things. Imagine if you'd hitched your wagon to this guy! It's a shame he's a jealous, irrational dick but you don't have to dwell on that if you don't want to.

Well done on not standing for this crap btw. You're obviously a smart cookie. Onwards and upwards!

Ellisandra Sun 28-May-17 00:27:12

Your mutual friends won't give a shit that you've split up after about 10 minutes!
Why on earth would that stop you using FB?

Bizzysocks Sun 28-May-17 01:14:08

I don't understand why you didn't just reassure him it wasn't true.

if someone told me my dh was drinking and dancing all night with another women and I told dh what I had been told I would expect him to say it was nonsense danced in a group etc. if he replied 'I don't have to justify myself to you, leave if you don't trust me' I would be concerned and I'm not insecure or an irrational jealous Dick!

I would tell him the truth, you were hurt he would think you would flirt with another man but that you didn't, you were with your sister and danced in a group. say you like him and have enjoyed the last 6 months and wouldn't be unfaithful, if he doesn't think you are being honest then there is no future for you both but if he believes you you would like to put the disagreement behind you and continue the relationship.

moonie70 Sun 28-May-17 02:26:26

I had told him everything about that night always honest and upfront that's why I couldn't understand why he felt the need to ask , I think he made it up about a friend telling him these things , anyway I can not forgive him for ignoring my last txt to him I poured my heart out to him and zero back . This is the guy that tells me every day how much he loves me and I mean the world to him , obviously not another lesson got me to chalk up . I had a rough time over the years he knows my story yet he has ignored me all night. He knows I wouldn't of meant it when I said I'm done he knows I act in emotion , he forgive his ex for getting off with his mate while he was out the room yet I've given him tons of love and treated him well to be blanked all night . This guy chased me for years and said I'd made him the happiest he had ever been . Actions speak louder than words I'm out I know my worth

MsGameandWatch Sun 28-May-17 02:35:06

You told him to leave you alone, he's left you alone. You've not been left hanging at all. You had a conversation and the relationship ended.

To be honest I think you were probably trying to make him jealous in the first place and he's reacted like an immature teenager. It all seems really childish and you're better off out of it.

TheNaze73 Sun 28-May-17 07:15:23

He's created this opportunity to end things in a cowardly way.

You know all you need to know about him

Ellisandra Sun 28-May-17 07:56:10

No sympathy for you not meaning it when you said you are done and him knowing you act in emotion.

If it were you posting that he had done that, we'd all be telling you not you put up with that shit!

It might have backfired for you if you didn't mean it - but at least the end result is still good.

I don't find it at all odd by the way, that a female friend of his would message him to ask if he has any oppprtunity to set her up.
And I might not like being on the receiving end of my boyfriend going on about a girl flirting with him. Would depend whether he was saying it in a slightly bragging way, or a genuine "fucking creep - ugh" way.

How come you're allowed to act impulsively with your emotions and have anxiety, say things you don't mean, criticise his Facebook use, not like the messages he gets, can't handle being on fb because you have mutual friends - yet he's called immature? I think the pair of you aren't suited. You dumped him, it's over. He's not leaving you hanging - it's over.

Onwards an upwards! Lesson learned - don't invest as much so soon.

And professing how much he loves you so often early on is always a good sign.

You didn't like his fb use or him living with his mum... try to keep in mind the reality, don't have rose tinted specs - you'll get over it faster without!

TDHManchester Sun 28-May-17 08:01:36

it pisses me off that people communicate such issues by text because they dont have the balls to have a face to face conversation.

TheStoic Sun 28-May-17 08:23:37

I can't imagine telling my boyfriend all about some married sleaze commenting on my boobs, unless it was to boak in solidarity. I definitely wouldn't think it was funny.

I wouldn't be trying to control you, I'd think you were very immature and I would take you at your word when you said we were done.

LynetteScavo Sun 28-May-17 08:32:19

You told him to leave you alone, he's left you alone. You've not been left hanging at all. You had a conversation and the relationship ended.

To be honest I think you were probably trying to make him jealous in the first place and he's reacted like an immature teenager. It all seems really childish and you're better off out of it.


Cary2012 Sun 28-May-17 08:51:33

He's extremely insecure, and you telling him about the harmless banter at the reunion was like lighting the blue touch paper of his insecurities, hence the wobble earlier in the week about losing you, he needed reassurance.

The reassurance that you wouldn't dump him should have been enough, but it wasn't so he cooked up his little story about a conveniently placed friend seeing you with the banter guy all night, to catch you out.

He was banking on you pleading with him, promising him you'd never cheat, begging for another chance, etc etc. And it back fired, big time. So now he's spat his dummy out, ignoring your texts, whilst he sulks like a stroppy five year old.

He will probably try to crawl back. Please don't entertain this. At fifty, insecure or not, he should be above such childish games. He is showing you, through his behaviour, who he really is.

Six months is nothing, chalk it up, move on.

Hermonie2016 Sun 28-May-17 08:52:40

You really don't know someone until you have been in a relationship with them for 1-2 years.

What he has shown is his way of dealing with emotions.Every couple will have issues and it's how you deal with them.

50, living at home not independent for even a car!!

You said you gave so much, he has a key to your house.It feels very rushed and over the top and not emotional mature.
Next time wait until you know how someone reacts.
I suspect he will contact you in a few days and I think you could go back..don't confuse drama for love.Set your bar higher.

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