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Taking the kids abroad, STBXH-style. Stranded and not BA!

(11 Posts)
STBXW Sat 27-May-17 20:50:53

He continues to be soooo incompetent!


1. Books holiday to France via 2 flights, stopping in Germany
2. Keeps my name on the booking, despite the divorce papers
WHO the HELL scans their frigging cards ON THE MORNING of leaving?!
4. Ongoing stream of instructions/requests for couriering of cards.
All sorted.
5. First flight delayed so they missed their connection. Now arriving at midnight.
6. DD phones to ask what is going on. Told her. Daddy clearly not communicating problem
7. Allows DCs to Facetime me. DS1 wanting to come home. DD in tears. Have reassured but still have all sorts of stuff to sort out, like his hire car.

Why the actual FUCK am I acting like his secretary????

Why did he not plan properly?

Is he even capable of looking after the DCs?

He is asking for dual residency, 2 weeks at a time. This doesn't fill me with confidence. hmm

STBXW Sat 27-May-17 20:56:10

Sorry - to clarify. He & DCs are in Germany. I am in UK, supposedly enjoying my child-free week.

picklemepopcorn Sat 27-May-17 21:29:13

Bless you. What a nightmare. Perhaps he'll learn? Can you make light of it with the kids- silly daddy- just to reassure them a bit?

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 27-May-17 21:33:13

Why are you acting as his secretary? Why is he expecting you to?

One of the best things about divorcing an incompetent manchild is that they are no longer your problem. By all means reassure the kids but he can sort his pile of shit out himself can't he?

STBXW Sat 27-May-17 22:18:39

Thank you, picklemepopcorn I managed to calm the DCs a bit, by explaining that today is atypical with all the cancelled and changed flights, etc. Think they are better...

MrsTerry What would the alternative be? To leave them stranded in a strange airport with no cash for the week? I'm not acting as a secretary to help him. I am doing it to ensure my DCs have a good holiday.

Most of the problems are no longer mine, but his, and there is a lot of balance now. However, the holidays are still a problem.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 27-May-17 22:25:02

He doesn't have a friend, sibling, parent? Because that's who I asked to do things after I got divorced. Not my exH. Did he expect you to sort his life out when you were married?

STBXW Sat 27-May-17 22:48:10

Nope, parents are dead, friends with their families and sibling is away.

Hopefully he will sort himself out for his next trip. Maybe he will choose a more child-friendly one.

To give him some credit, it IS early days (and I did do pretty much everything). We haven't been separated for long, and he slowly grew into asking me to help him with everything. He wasn't like this when we met - on the contrary.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 28-May-17 00:09:05

That's not a lot of credit grin he knows how to do things but he gradually made you do more and more and now he's incapable!

A family member had one of these. After they divorced he still expected her family members to sort shit out for him. Genuinely wondered why we were, "um no".

Ellisandra Sun 28-May-17 00:18:11

I'm a great parent, and I got half way to the airport without my cards a few weeks back. It happens.

The flight delay wasn't his fault - weird to go to France via Germany, but maybe there was a reason.

Leaving your name on the booking? Do you mean you booked it all together before you split? I wouldn't bother to change it in his shoes - it's pointless, what material difference does it make? (If he booked it in your name after your divorce that's just weird)

TBH I don't think kids crying on FaceTime means he wasn't coping. They were upset because it was late, stressful, they'll have picked up on his stress. Even if he communicated perfectly, they'd probably still cry to you, that's what kids do.

I know I'd be irritated to hell if it was my ex, but from the outside I think you're doing what I'd do to - end up finding more to be irritated by than necessary!

It takes a while to disentangle from a marriage. Four years down the line no way would I call my XH if I left my cards at home. But in the early days, he might have been the obvious choice, the one who still had a key, who lived really close, had a vested interest in helping because they were his kids...

I dunno - I'm 95% "XHs are arseholes!" and 5% - the only lack of planning there is forgetting his cards, which could happen to anyone. (although if he's booked flights with a 10 minutes changeover...!)

TBH, I'm dead curious to know the airports and why you would ever go UK to FR via DE!

Ellisandra Sun 28-May-17 00:25:21

Just on the turning to you on the cards thing...
You're only STBXW, and still in the process of discussing child arrangements.
Reading between the lines - are you still living in the same house?
If so, perfectly reasonable that he should turn to you to courier the cards, if they're within metres of you!

But please please please tell me the route! I cannot imagine any 2 flight combo to France being cheaper than 1! I'm really curious about it grin

mamakena Sun 28-May-17 09:53:10

Is he this involved with dc during your week with them?

Sounds like a combination of his learned helplessness and your enablement. If you hadn't leapt into save the day, he'd have managed just fine.

My advice is to be truly child-free and no contact when they're with him... Hard I know but the kids will adjust in seconds and you'll get some peace in your life.

PS- also this pattern smacks of controlling behaviour, keeping you on a leash and disrupting your life.

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