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Do you think it's a sign that I was thinking of giving DH am ultimatum and that very moment I lost my eternity ring?

(13 Posts)
mayaknew Sat 27-May-17 19:02:03

Took it off to tidy the kitchen and the whole time I was thinking about it. I think about it regularly these days to be fair.

But I went to put my rings back on and only my wedding ring and engagement ring are there. Would you take that as a sign?

TheweewitchRoz Sat 27-May-17 19:04:14

I believe that signs are there if you're looking for them, so personally, it would be a no for me. It would be a sign that I was stupid / careless / forgetful & nothing more. However, it sounds to me like you're unhappy & looking for vindication of a decision you've already made. Good luck. flowers

mayaknew Sat 27-May-17 19:35:01

I think so. I just don't know how to go about it I think. Don't think I'm ready yet.

And I still can't find my ring sad

OriginalArchitect Sat 27-May-17 19:39:05

No, but you know you don't need validation for making a change in your life. Good Luck with whatever steps you decide to take

ChardonnaysPrettySister Sat 27-May-17 19:40:36

You don't need signs to admit you are unhappy and you want a change.

SendintheArdwolves Sat 27-May-17 19:50:36

I think the fact you have been constantly thinking about giving your husband an ultimatum is much more of a sign than losing your ring. What's the ultimatum?

ChardonnaysPrettySister Sat 27-May-17 19:59:45

Yes, if you are looking for signs you will find the signs, but you have to see why you are long for them in the first place,

mayaknew Sat 27-May-17 20:47:04

That he needs to stop putting his work / work social life first and pull his weight more or we will need to call it a day. I can't be responsible for everything any longer my mental health is taking a battering. And he doesn't even know.

jeaux90 Sat 27-May-17 21:05:13

Maya look if your husband has always been work focussed etc he is probably not going to change. It might be a very strong part of his identity. I say that as someone who is very career focussed.

You don't need a sign to tell you whether you are still compatible or not, the only sign you need is that you are unhappy.

TheNaze73 Sat 27-May-17 21:07:32

Even accept them for who they are, or leave. The ring is not a sign

Joysmum Sat 27-May-17 21:28:44

Bollocks to not making an ultimatum. Mine was work focussed, went over 5 months without a day off. He wanted to build a career and make good money.

If I'd not bothered to point out the lack of balance and it's affects on us and our daughter he wouldn't have realised.

We're now 3 years on and no issues so one last go to get through is worth it, even if it doesn't work because you'll know you'll have done all you could smile

mayaknew Sat 27-May-17 21:56:29

I just found my ring.

It's not just that he's work focused it's that he sees work as his main priority and responsibility and leaves everything else to me. And his work is always changing last minute and leaving me in the shit with work/childcare etc. Like he's supposed to finish at 4 but he can end up having to stay on til much later and he just does it and leaves me to it. If it was the odd time it would be fine but it's constant. And he is working so many Saturdays all day and all the extra hours he doesn't he doesn't get paid for cos it's "too hard to keep track of his hours" I said keep a diary .. "eh I'm not keeping a diary" .

He doesn't absolutely nothing. He does the dishes at night. That's it. He says because he works he shouldn't have to do anything. He used to work up to 70 hours a week and I didn't mind doing things then but the most he works now is about 45-50 and he does far less in within the family. He's always going on work nights or going out with he's workmate who is newly single and wants to go out all the time so the go play football or golf or go out drinking.

But the absolutely worst thing that he does is whenever I ask him to do something he makes this really hard to describe huffing noise and the eye roll... it gives me the rage. I hate having to ask him to do stuff but I have to I'm only one person. I feel like he grudges being a husband/father/adult.

Hermonie2016 Sat 27-May-17 22:11:33

He seems really disrespectful to you.Do you know for definite he's working?

It's fair to decide you don't like your marriage, it has to add to your life not stress you.
Start by telling him you are unhappy, only give the ultimatum if you are emotional ready to follow through.

I am separated and enjoy my life more, stbxh has dc eow so I get more down time than when married.I'm also more relaxed as not having to factor in him in decisions.

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