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I've left my abusive partner and I'm really struggling.

(2 Posts)
user1495882529 Sat 27-May-17 12:22:15

Around two weeks ago I made my abusive partner leave. I say I did, in fact social services and the police did, but the outcome is the same. I no longer have any means of contact with him and he legally cannot harass me anymore. Obviously I've had a range of emotions including; relief, grief, guilt, happiness, excitement, resentment, self hatred, loneliness and sadness. I expected this though, I expected feel happy and free one second then be a sobbing mess the next.

But some things are happening that I didn't expect which is making feel like I'm sick and wrong. I miss it. And I don't mean the good times, I do miss them but that's normal. I'm missing the abuse? It's like I'm craving that feeling of being put down, the fear of being hurt and the humiliation of being sexually abused. I find myself daydreaming or actually dreaming of these horrendous things that used to make me cry and yet now I'm craving them. I feel lost because I haven't got anyone telling me what I can or can't do. It's like I've never functioned without it, like I've forgotten how to be normal. I'm so worried that it's seriously broken me, that this is who I am now.

The children are far happier now and I feel I have more time to spend with them which I love! So I immerse myself in them to keep my positivity up and keep reminding myself that I've done the right thing, but there are times I don't even feel like I should be around them, everything that I thought was normal has been turned upside down and I'm questioning everything I do even when playing with the children.

I don't know if this is normal or what I should do sad

Blossomdeary Sat 27-May-17 12:27:14

Don't panic - this will pass. It is like a bereaved person saying they see or hear the person who has died. There is a brain time lag going on here. It is not that you want to be in that situation again, but that you are branching out into the unknown and sometimes the "known" feels more secure - even it is an unpleasant "known."

I am sure this will pass - part of the way that abusive men work is to make their partners feel dependent on them.

You will get through this phase and into a proper version of normality.

Lovely to hear that your children are happier.

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