This isn't a recent thing as such. My husband left over 2 years ago. I suspected an affair but he didn't admit it. He was then 'renting a room' in a house with a woman. I again suspected that was her. He denied it all. Moved out to his own place after about 9 months but this woman carried on spending time with him and the girls 'cause they got on'. Yeah I know how ridiculous it all sounds. I asked him over and over. I knew what was going on. Anyway. He finally came clean about 2 months ago. Don't have the full story but they are together. The girls have just been taken now by him for a weekend camping with her and friends. I hate it so much. I hate that my girls are spending time with the woman he left me for and having fun with her. I'm not over us and still want my family back, but I know it's never gonna happen. But how do you cope in this situation? How do you get past this? It just cuts me up inside thinking of her playing happy families with my girls. And to make it all worse for all these years he has talked of us getting back together. He just needed 'time' so I was there waiting, stupidly. Even now he says he doesn't love her. So why is he with her and how do I stop hurting so much? I find it so hard to deal with. Thank you for listening x
I don't think it would hurt so much if it was with anyone else. It's cause it's with her. The woman he lied to me about and who is still to this day so secretive about. His family don't speak to me so I can't get the truth from them and I don't know any of this friends. Hard to believe we were together 7 years and married for 5.
I know he is stringing me along. I know he is a liar and that I deserve so much better but it still doesn't make me feel any better. I'm 42 with these two young girls. It's so hard finding a man and having that someone for myself. Everything I do with the girls I do alone.
I've had counselling and CBT over the last year, so why am I still finding it so hard?
You now know he is a liar so don't believe what he is saying about her now. I think this is keeping his options open in case it doesn't work out with her. Change his name on your phone to 'The Liar' which will keep you strong.
He is a liar and a cheat. She hasn't bagged herself a great prize really. I would hate my dc to be spending time with her too. It's horrible. All you can really do is build yourself a new life and try to see the plusses of not being shackled to your arse of an ex. Try and see that it is better your girls are having fun, than not.
I'm 42 with these two young girls. It's so hard finding a man and having thatsomeone for myself.
Get detached from this thought. a) you don't need a man by your side to be happy b) nothing wrong with finding someone age 42+ You sound more upset about not having a partner when he dies, than actually not being with him. You need to surround yourself with supportive friends (preferably not in common) and your family. You'll be fine
Time is a great healer - this feeling will pass - it probably took me up to 5 years for the rawness to go I knew I'd got there when I genuinely never thought about ex DH and OW They divorced eventually he's now on wife no 3 My DC can't see this marriage lasting either - thankfully it's of no matter to me I'm happy with my own life and have a fab relationship with DC
You need to get to a place of not really caring.. you probably could find a better counsellor if you have not started moving on (avoid the ones who just sit there and say 'and how did that make you feel'...)
You need a plan of action which includes saying emphatically 'yes' to all invitations irrespective of how you feel. Just go. Widen your social circle. Go out with that friend tonight.
What your ex is doing is cruel, stringing you along like that. Can you do contact down to a bare minimum, then only to talk about the kids if absolutely necessary. Yeah you'll have to try and get busy doing your thing. Even if he were to genuinely want to try again, very doubtful, would you honestly want him back, he's a cruel liar, you deserve better. He's selfish, it'd only be for his benefit, if he could get something out of it, this isn't love.
I used to be so full of confidence. I've just let this man drag me to such a low level.
I have a very small family (very small) who aren't very compassionate. They just leave me to get on with it and I have only a small circle of friends too. Always been that way. So it's hard to always have things to do and places to go. I don't have loads of money either to go and and do lots.