Put the kettle on. Sugary tea. Sit down and breathe. Slow deep breaths. You are currently in shock and need some sugar.
Of course you don't know what to do. You need some time. The only thing you need to do right now is kick him out. Get yourself some headspace with him out of your space.
If he's not there and he doesn't know you've found out then pack him some stuff. Enough for a few days and throw it outside. Text him and tell him to collect it and to leave you alone. Block him on everything for a while or you will torture yourself!
Then, when you've had a bit of time to let it sink in, get a friend or family member round. You will need real life support. Don't keep his dirty little secret. You owe him and your 'friend' nothing. Don't suffer alone. I did that and it's not good. My biggest regret was not getting support around me when I really needed it the most.
We live in a small village somebody saw him going to her house quite regularly. I checked his phone and there were endless texts. I could have seen it coming, the flirting, the laughter between them but I was too stupid. We have 3 children together who are also very close to her. I feel like I told her everything about me and DH and used it behind my back. They all know I know. Her husband knows too. Apparently it "just happened". They both destroyed me
Just happened! Grrrrr... what like 'a mistake' Mistakenly falling dick first into her vagina!
That's a lot of deceit to deal with. If you have 3 kids can he stay home with them and you take yourself off for the weekend to family or a friend? Let him deal with the fallout of what he's done. What a pair of cunts. I don't use that word lightly.
We drifted apart while the grew closer together. I didn't look after myself (and both of them did) we went on double dates / holidays together. Our children are friends too. They don't seem remorseful at all and if anything they seem happy to be able to "love" each other. I've only got myself to blame
If things weren't right for him his responsibility was to talk to you about it and if he wanted out he should have said so before cheating on you with someone else.
We all have life pressures, especially with young children and I am sure many people feel their relationship suffers during this time. That doesn't mean it's ok to go shag someone else and doing it with someone who you confide in about your marriage is just beyond shabby.
Both of them need to take a long hard look at themselves but they won't. They'll say 'it just happened' because they know they have not no moral ground to stand on at all. If they admit it was wrong they admit they are not very nice people and some people prefer to lie to themselves.
I'm sorry you have to go through such a betrayal. The blame and shame however is not yours 💐
Her husband suspected it for a long time. Everything just seemed like a big coincidence but we laughed it off. We haven't talked too much about it as everything it too raw for all of us involved. I don't think I can forgive him. I always told him I'd rather we separated before he even thought of cheating.
So it's a sustained affair with repeated deception?
There's no way back from that. Get a solicitor op. I'm really sorry you're facing this but it's not your fault. I've been married twenty years this year and neither of us have 'just happened' to have an affair!
Yes, it went on for a few months at least if not year/s. Of course they're keeping some details to themselves. They're in love or so they say. He even told me he wished he'd met her before me so he wouldn't have hurt me. I can't get out of my own bedroom.
Of course she was looking after himself, same with him--they had someone to impress. !! Please do not beat yourself up, Ive done this too , just get the best deal you can and bear in mind she will now always be looking over her shoulder for the "next thing" and have to keep up that "looking after herself" . Your husbands comment was totally uncalled for and shows him to have rather a nasty callous side that you are well out of, even if it doesnt feel like it now.