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Help! I'm frightened he is going to leave me(4 Posts)
I'm so scared and heartbroken and don't know who to turn to. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for less than a year. We have a 4 year old son and I'm pregnant now 16 weeks. My husband and I have always had a fab relationship and loved each other dearly. He has had history of depression and has alot of awful things happen to him when he was younger before I knew him. I've always supported him and knew about these things. He has depression and is on citalopram and has been before a couple of years ago. He says the tablets are helping but over a week or so he hasn't been acting the same with me. Very distant and we haven't been seeing much of each other as he has been working his full time job and extra work/side job with a family member to make so extra money as we have some money problems and he stresses so much about it. Over the last 6 months he has worked so hard and is physically drained. Then about a week ago he told me the reason he had been feeling distant. He said that he doesn't know what he feels anymore and wouldn't really specify. Anyway, I got upset and it wasn't til the next day he finally said he doesn't know how he feels about us anymore. He isn't sure if it's just because we have become too comfortable or what. He says he can't understand his feelings or explain them, and it kills him that he is hurting me feeling like this but he just can't understand where this feeling has come from. I believe that their isn't anyone else in the picture but I'm confused when he says I'm the most amazing wife and he just can't explain why he feels like this. He says he has lost his libido and feels nothing for no one. I said maybe it's the tablets he is on and maybe to look at an alternative, as I personally feel it's a side effect from the tablets but he is very stubborn and won't see a doctor unless it's essential. He has agreed to talk to doc about this on his next appointment which is in 3 weeks time. In the mean time we are still together in our house with our 4 year old and he is trying to be caring for my welfare because of being pregnant, but their is not intimacy or affection. I'm so scared to lose him as he is unsure whether to stay or not but says he wouldn't of stayed if he didn't want to be there. I wanna give him space and support him but it's killing me inside as he is my one true love. I miss him so much and just want my husband back. What should I do to help the situation? Im not eating and I'm crying all the time, trying not to in front of him when I can. I'm worried I'm not looking after myself when being pregnant and I'm the one looking after our 4 year old most days whilst also working full time. I just dont want to lose my husband and family unit. Please help me on what to do!
I wouldn't panic just yet. It may well be the citalopram he's on or just that he is suffering from depression.
I have a friend whose husband was being treated for depression and struggled with similar feelings to the ones your Dh is experiencing. They had been together for years and had always had a fabulous relationship so ti was a terrible shock to the wife. Anyway, they've stuck it out and are in a much better place now.
It must be terribly difficult for you with a small child and being pregnant but I think your strategy of giving him space and waiting to see what the doctors says is probably best for the moment.
Try and take care of yourself too - you must be very sad but do try and put yourself and your children first.
I think it is his depression and to be honest he sounds quite low I would read the side effects yourself and make him face up to the reality that it may be depression/or medication
Ask him to see his gp tell him if he's still feeling this way after a change of medication he can leave when the baby is born or when the baby is a little older tell him you deserve to be loved and on a marriage with affection but he also deserves to be happy so he needs to help himself or eventually you may leave him.
Thank you both for your kind advice. I have spoken to my husband tonight and we have had a heart to heart but he is still unsure of his feelings and is struggling with keeping that hope there but I suppose that is how he will feel if it's the depression. He will be negative. I'm trying to stay positive and will be there for him as much as I can and he wants me to be. I suffer with anxiety myself and I think I just fear the worst. It's just cos he is so unsure of his feelings and doesn't know why. He is so confused. I have eaten today at least. I'm trying. Thank you and I'll see how things go. X
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